Love in Vein: Book One The Heart
by BittenAndStaked
Summary: Buffy is injured & running from a vampire as the ground beneath her feet gives way & she finds herself being rescued by the unlikeliest of heroes. As her imprisonment by Spike draws on events happen that will change their lives & bring them closer.
1. Fall from grace

**Buffy woke with a start, her hand clutching her chest as she shot up into a sitting position, her breathing coming fast and ragged.**

Giving a panicked look to her surroundings her breathing became restricted by the overwhelming fear that loomed up in her, she didn't recognise anything-the walls surrounding her were not the comforting ones of her bedroom or her dorm, the bed she was laying in was not the soft downy one of home but a harder one, worn with age.

She clutched her chest harder as she remembered what had happened, closing her eyes in an attempt to shut out the images that flooded her vision she curled up into a ball of pain and fear.

She'd fallen.

She'd fallen so far.

So far from grace.

It was dark out, pitch black to be precise due to lack of moon or stars. Thunder clouds hung heavy overhead, threatening Sunnydale with their low constant rumble, warning the world that tonight was not a good night.

Buffy sprinted hard across the grass, the long blades tickling her ankles as she pounded the earth in search of somewhere to hide-anywhere.

He was coming, quick and fast like lightning behind her, closing in on her and not surrendering his relentless pursuit.

Running out onto the street she dashed across the road, nursing her arm and hoping the bleeding would subside soon, it felt like someone had a branding iron pressed into her flesh-the white hot pain echoing through her bones until she felt like passing out.

She glanced quickly over her shoulder, hoping to catch a glimpse of the vampire chasing her and trying to increase her pace as she saw he was no further than twenty metres behind her.

As she faced forwards again and pushed herself past the limits she felt a sudden wobble and the world seemed to give way.

Coughing as she came to, Buffy looked up at the sky towering above her, a bolt of lightning illuminating the large hole she had fallen into and she gasped as the vampire appeared above her-looming in the darkness.

Trying to scramble to her feet, she winced in pain as her ankle gave way and she fell to the floor once more.

She held her arm tightly to her chest as the vampire dropped into the hole, landing firmly on his feet and stalking towards her.

This was it she realised.

There were no second chances.

No time outs.

No cut me a breaks.

It was over.

She closed her eyes tight as he neared her and then she felt a sudden defiance rise up in her, she may be near death, staring it in the face but she was still the Slayer and she wasn't going to die being scared.

Holding her head up high, she opened her eyes and then flinched as the vampire disintegrated in front of her eyes, his dust catching the breeze and drifting away. For a moment there was hope, hitched in her throat, and a thought that she was going to make it, things were going to be okay.

Then a low chuckle ripped through her, paralyzing every nerve and sending it off in a silent scream.

Slinking out of the shadows in front of her and coming to stand where her pursuer had been not seconds before was another vampire, older, stronger, a master of his own kind and a slayer of Slayers.

She gasped and felt her head spin as he hauled her up by her arm, grasping it tightly and raking his eyes over the wound and then her. Feeling nauseous, Buffy felt the pain burning through her and then nothing, as she fell into unconsciousness all that echoed in her head were his dulcet tones breathed close to her ear.

"And here I thought the evening a bit dull…"

Buffy jumped and winced as the door to her right flew open to reveal the platinum blond vampire himself, his cheeks sucked into a wide grin as he inspected her where she sat on the four poster bed.

Curling up into a tight ball she heard the clink of chains and realised for the first time she was tied up, her head pounded harder at that thought, she was trapped, kidnapped by the one vampire who'd escaped her so many times and now she was his-a slave to his whims.

Spike sat down on the bed next to her and frowned as she tried to slink away, tried to distance herself from him. Growling low in his throat, he grasped hold of her ankle and yanked her back towards him. She cried out as he gripped it tighter, letting his claws scratch the surface of her skin.

Catching hold of her arm, he concentrated on inspecting the long and angry wound that ran from her wrist to past her elbow.

Last night had been hell, he'd been walking through the tunnels to see what the commotion was when he'd found the vampire trying to kill the Slayer, on his turf. Despatching him was easy, killing the Slayer however proved to be a little harder. Even though she'd passed out in his arms like a swooning girl in a period drama he had somehow lost his desire to kill her, limp and lifeless as she'd slumped against him he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He'd told himself the only reason he didn't want to kill her was because she was unable to put up a decent fight, she hadn't stirred his appetite in the way she usually did with her quips and her beautiful violence.

Buffy pressed her free hand against her chest as she watched him, part of her was surprised to find her heart still beating strongly against her breastbone, the other part was chilled with fear-there would be a reason he was keeping her alive, something dark and terrifying.

Spike inhaled slowly, savouring the heady scent of her fear and the musk of Slayer as it mixed in with the memory of her sweet perfumed skin. He remembered it well, carrying her into the bedroom, her prone form resting gently in his arms as he growled commands to his minions. They'd looked shocked at first, horrified that their master was with the Slayer and she still had a heartbeat. He'd told them he wanted a little fun, she'd be dead by morning, he'd lied.

Not that it mattered what minions thought.

He hadn't told the lie to them.

He'd told it to himself.

He'd cleaned the wound the best way he knew how, had taken her small hand in his and given himself a moment to adjust to the feeling of her warmth seeping into him before dipping his head and licking the cut. The strength of her blood had made his head spin at first, his body hardening and his desire rocketing out of control as her blood entered his veins. He'd never remembered it being so potent, so intense, so full of life. He'd broke in that moment, the Slayer blood induced daze causing his demon to recede and allowing William to push his way to the surface, bringing with him thoughts of poetry and lingering echoes of feelings once lost.

Spike growled and felt her pull away.

Coming out of his reverie he found William awaiting him, taunting him with soft words and tenderness that burnt into his undead heart.

She was beautiful…

An angel…

Full of grace.

Spike growled again and stood up sharply, forcing the unbidden feelings and words back down inside and holding them there as he looked down at her. Her wide eyes said it all, she was scared of him, her soft cheeks becoming tear stained as they escaped her eyes. Where was the self-control he'd seen in her all those times? The disciplined emotions that never went unchecked during the fight? The disconnected killer that she used to be? In front of him was a scared little girl, her eyes full of fear and panic as she watched his every move, her body trembling under his gaze and her arms wrapped tightly and protectively around her.

"Hello, beautiful." Spike smirked as he tilted his head to one side, watching her retreat further backwards against the headboard of the bed.

Buffy felt her heart hammering hard against her chest, her arm and ankle burning with pain and the panic in her was sickening.

"Why?" She said through cracked lips, her mouth drier than the desert.

"Why not?" Spike countered and moved across the room, slowly pacing around the bed as his eyes remained fixed on hers.

"What do you want with me?"

Spikes instant thought was to ask what didn't he want with her, he wanted it all. Shaking his head to clear it of such a ridiculous thought, he just smirked as a reply.

"Did you…" Buffy touched her neck and then hurriedly touched the other side, searching for signs of him.

"No…not yet." He circled back around her, enjoying the feeling of her eyes following him and the way she was slowly growing more accustomed to his presence.

She looked down at her arm and felt his eyes fall there also.

"But you did this…" She stared at the long wound, it was starting to heal thanks to her Slayer abilities and him.

"Tasted you…sweet like ambrosia."

"Why keep me alive…why risk my getting free?"

"No risk there." Spike sat down beside her and slipped his hand around the back of her head, his fingers running through her sweat soaked hair. "Besides…I have a million reasons for wanting you alive…"

Buffy shuddered under his touch and closed her eyes as he leant in close to her neck, her breath escaping her in a small sigh as he brushed his lips against her throat. Spike inhaled deeply, catching the scent of her desire.

"…Make that a million and one." He whispered.

When she opened her eyes he was gone, the bedroom door closing swiftly behind him and she bit her lip hard.

She'd fallen alright.

Only he'd caught her.

He stood silent. The cigarette smoke curling from his lips as he blinked slowly, his eyes fixed on her as she slept fitfully. Her breathing was laboured, a rough noise in his ears that betrayed her pain. Sliding his eyes down her body he let them come to rest on her arm as he took another drag, the comforting burning sensation in his lungs the only thing keeping him stationary, still, calm.

As a tiny glint caught his eye he tensed his jaw, steeling himself against the temptation that was calling to him, the scent of her blood hanging heavy in the air, thickening it and setting him on edge. He watched the pearl of blood on her arm as it clung to the surface of her skin as though it didn't want to part from her, she was doing her best to heal but for some reason it was eluding her.

Flicking his cigarette to the floor, he ground it into the dirt with the toe of his boot and sighed out the last of the blue-grey smoke, letting it drift away and dissipate before his eyes. He only wished he could let her do the same.

The smell of her was driving him insane, driving his minions insane. He'd fought with them all day, couldn't leave the lair all night because he knew they would try to do something foolish. He chuckled.

Foolish.

Like bringing the Slayer back alive.

Like trying to heal her wounds.

Shaking his head he sniffed and stood up straighter, visibly bracing himself against the feelings that she stirred, the memories of emotions once lost.

He could taste them in the air around him, a metallic tang on his tongue as he licked his lips. A single drop of her blood would be all it would take to bring them back to him, a taste of the life in her veins and the humanity she carried. Slayer blood.

Potent and alluring as it was it had its dangers, a price you had to pay if you weren't as hardened against the world as you should have been. He closed his eyes as the images replayed inside his mind, the fights he'd won against her kind, the sweet taste of victory, the rush of emotions as their blood had entered his veins.

Opening his eyes sharply he narrowed his now amber iris' on her, watching her as she sighed in her sleep, her body making slow, fitful movements under the sheets. He swayed slightly as he kept his eyes fixed on her, lulled by her heartbeat and her scent.

He had to have it.

Wanted it.

Needed it.

More than anything.

Moving fluidly towards her, he kneeled on the edge of the bed and dropped to all fours, stalking up the length of her body until he was hovering just above her hand where it rested across her stomach. Dipping his head, he kept his lips just far enough away from her, the fine hairs on her arm tickling them as he coursed his way up to the start of the wound.

Fluttering his eyes closed he felt dizzy inside as he caught the taste of her skin and his arms trembled as they attempted to support his weight. Caught in the sway of her, he felt like he was falling, so desperate to taste her blood, her skin, the salt of her sweat, that he was lost in her. She surrounded him, her heartbeat, her shallow breathing, and her scent. Brushing his lips against the wound, he frowned in pleasure as the coppery taste filled his mouth, just enough blood for a sweep of tingles to run through him, his arms weakening under the influence of it and his body growing rigid with desire.

Buffy stirred slightly, a weight on the bed causing her to come out of her fitful slumber. Opening her eyes a fraction she swallowed hard as she saw Spike moving towards her, his demonic visage causing her Slayer side to kick in. She was about to kick him away when she noticed the look in his eyes, the intensity of it made her feel like she'd been hit in the stomach and it was heating through with pain, or desire. He looked so enthralled, so fascinated with her arm as he moved slowly up the bed. She watched quietly as he dipped his head, his cool breath causing her skin to turn to goose bumps as he brushed his lips against her. Part of her knew he wouldn't be doing this if he knew she were awake, wouldn't be so gentle with her. She realised it was fear of waking her that made him so tender, some childish nervousness over her discovering she had some kind of power over him, that he couldn't resist the pull of her.

If he knew she was awake, it would be different.

Rough.

Hard.

Brutal.

She felt his tongue sweep softly against the wound on her arm, felt his arms wobble under his weight and saw his brows knit as he exhaled sharply through his nose-a small expression of pleasure that he couldn't stop.

Desire.

Power.

She had it, had it over him. A sway, a thrall. Buffy closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.

And god did it thrill her.


	2. words as sharp as knives

**Spike moved backwards slowly, sensing the change in her emotions and her heartbeat. It sung to him of desire, of lust and temptation.**

"Morning, love." He cocked his head to one side as she let her eyes slowly open, revealing their emerald green beauty to him. There was something innocent in them, something shy. He frowned and sat back on his heels, placing some distance between them as he reined his feelings in. No words of poetry could do justice to the emotions flooding him. 

Shaking his head violently he pushed his demon visage away and shut William down, locking away the feelings and forcing himself to see her as what she really was. A captive. A Slayer. 

Buffy drew the covers over her and held them tightly. It wasn't that she feared him, in reality he never scared her, but she was afraid of the emotions she had allowed herself to feel towards him. All of her senses screamed that this was wrong and she had now fallen into a silent mantra telling herself so in the hopes that her feelings would fall back into place. 

Raising her eyes back up to meet his she felt lost, the deep blue of them capturing her more than the chains that bound her ever could. It was as though she could see all his thoughts and feelings as they fleeted across his brain, surfacing for a brief moment and showing themselves to her before they sank again. 

He smiled wide. 

It set her teeth on edge. 

There was something in the way he was looking at her that made her stomach squirm, she wanted to bring her legs up and tense her body as she fought against the sensation inside her. It wasn't panic, she knew that much. 

It wasn't frustration, like she thought it might have been. 

As she blinked into his eyes and he narrowed them on hers she swallowed hard. 

Desire. 

The feeling she thought she had the sole right to invoke in him he was invoking in her. 

Buffy tugged the chains impatiently to cover up the feeling that was slowly radiating through her body until no part of her was left untouched. He was a vampire, she was the Slayer. She had no right to be having these feelings of temptation about him-no matter how good he looked when he smiled and how delicious it felt when his tongue lathed against her skin. 

No matter how easy it was to make him desire her. 

He desired her. 

She'd never seen a man desire her so much and she hadn't even done anything to make him want her, she'd just lain sleeping. Did she look that good when she was sleeping? Buffy sniffed and wrinkled her nose slightly as she realised she didn't smell that good-days worth of sweat was sticking her white shirt and jeans to her skin. 

Spike continued to stare into her eyes. 

He was lost. Fighting against it seemed futile. He couldn't take his eyes off hers as he watched the obvious struggle and confusion playing out in her green ones. 

"Why are you here?" Her voice cut the silence and he twitched his head to one side questioningly as his brows knit for a brief moment. 

"Protecting my interests." His dulcet tones hit her straight in the stomach and made the feeling there intensify-his interests? Protecting her? 

"No…" She looked around the room for emphasis and then at the door. "Why are you back in Sunnydale? I thought I told you to leave and not come back." 

"Fine end you would have had if I hadn't come back, lying in the dirt with some two-bit fledgling about to kill you…" He smirked at her as the calm feeling inside him disappeared and was replaced with the usual frustration she always managed to cause in him with her self-righteous attitude. 

"Fine." Buffy resisted the temptation to pout as she folded her arms across her chest and bought her knees up. 

Spike watched her turn her head to one side so she was looking away from him and then frowned at the way he wanted to make her look at him again so he could see her pretty eyes sparkle with her defiance-she was beautiful when angry at him. 

Coughing slightly he stood up sharply and rounded the bed, walking straight into her line of sight as he squashed down the emotions and reminded himself why he had her here. Except by now his reasons and story had changed so many times that he wasn't sure himself anymore. 

"The gem…I'm here for the Gem of Amara." He said coldly as if she would know what he was talking about and would fear it. 

"The gem of a-what-huh?" Buffy frowned up at him and watched his face fall for a second before he gritted his teeth in frustration and rolled his eyes, growling loudly at the ceiling. 

"Bloody hell…didn't your watcher teach you anything?" Spike frowned down at her and steadied himself, taking a step towards her and bending down so he could look into her eyes. "The gem of Amara, I find it and put it on…I'm invincible." 

"Invincible?" Buffy let a frown wrinkle her nose. "Invincible how?" 

"No sun allergy, no dusty ending…just enhanced strength and everything I've ever needed to kill you." He kept telling himself he should've just left her wondering but he couldn't resist bragging about what the gem would do to him, for him. 

"But you won't." She said quietly as she met his eyes. "You don't have the guts to kill me…you would've done it by now if you had." 

Spike snorted and let his eyes narrow into slits as his tone turned venomous. 

"Maybe I've got plans for you first…then I'm going to kill you? Ever thought of that?" 

Buffy swallowed and tried to ignore the tiny spark of fear his words and icy cold expression had ignited in her. She knew better than to push him but for some reason she just couldn't stop herself, being captured by him just made her want to taunt him even more than usual. 

"You're all talk as usual I see. Ever asked yourself why you can't kill me?" 

His stomach heated through and he frowned at her words. He had what it took to kill her, could wrap his fingers around her neck right now and choke the life from her. 

So why couldn't he do it? 

He shuddered as Drusilla's taunting words floated around his head. She was right, he was surrounded by Buffy and he couldn't kill her. 

_Why can't he kill her?_

Spike growled. It didn't matter that he couldn't bring himself to kill her right now, it was just a matter of time before he managed to build up the will to do it. 

Since when had he needed to build up to the kill? 

He was always swift with the hunt, relentless in his pursuit and merciful in the killing. Building up to the kill was something that Angelus had relished-the divine torture and the calculated drinking so they would cry as he assaulted them. Spike had never been like that, wouldn't force himself on a woman or a man, he just killed for the thrill of it, and for the blood. 

He licked his lips. 

"Is it red and tasty?" Buffy's voice interrupted his thoughts. 

"What?" He snapped. 

"What you're daydreaming about. Is it red and tasty?" She mocked him as she licked her lips. "You looked kinda gone there for a moment…not only do you not have the strength to kill me but your concentration has slipped too. I'm shocked at you, William." 

She kept telling herself to stop pushing him but she still continued her relentless pursuit and she couldn't figure out what she was trying to gain by it. Looking down at the manacles that were digging into her wrists she realised it had something to do with attempting to make him mad at her. By pushing him, she could make him mad enough to finally do something, anything. 

She was sick of playing the waiting game, chained up with a niggling voice at the back of her mind suggesting things he was going to do to her. She wanted to know what he had in mind. 

"Concentr…bloody hell woman, what's that supposed to mean?" He clenched his fists up as he stood up straight so he towered above her. 

Buffy swallowed quietly to steady her nerves as she looked at him, his eyes dark with anger and his body tensed-like a cat ready to pounce. Maybe she didn't want to provoke him into action after all. 

"All I was saying is that the Spike I used to know would have killed me by now…drained me dry…or at least have a plan to." 

He growled quietly as he walked away from her, distancing himself in a vain hope of stopping himself from reacting to her words. 

He stopped and closed his eyes as his head hung forwards. 

What was he doing? What was she doing? Did she want him to kill her? 

She was pressing all the right buttons to push him in that direction. The part of him that was quickly going over what she'd said for clues came to the conclusion that she wanted something to happen, she was provoking him for a reason-possibly to make him slip up and reveal what he had in store for her. 

He chuckled. 

Like he knew himself. 

If he knew what he had planned for her then he probably would have told her by now, like how he'd told her about the gem, just to get a taste of the sweet scent of her fear. 

"Do you ever quit yammering?" Spike turned his head to the side and scowled at her. 

"Was a time you would have been fighting me…not healing me…protecting me…that's what you said, right? Protecting your interests? Protecting me?" Buffy watched his face darken and hoped to any god listening that he would tell her what he had in store for her. She didn't have a death wish, but knowing what he was up to would make her confinement a lot easier. Besides, it was actually quite fun to tease him. 

Spike snorted disdainfully at her. 

"Come on, Spike, we both know you're acting like a fledgling wet behind the ears…what master vampire would rescue the Slayer?" 

Spike snapped. In a split second, he was on the bed with his hands wrapped tightly around her throat and his face shifted into vampire guise. 

"Shut up…" He growled as he frowned down at her, his lip curling back and exposing his fangs as he tightened his grip around her delicate throat. 

Buffy tried to ignore the pain and stared up at him as he sneered down at her. The warm feeling that had been lingering in her stomach swept like wild fire through her body as her eyes met his, their deep amber iris' twinkling with anger as he pinned her to the bed. She swallowed hard and felt her heart race. This was definitely wrong. Having feelings about Spike had been bad, but having desirous feelings about Spike when he was in game face and half strangling her was the worst thing imaginable. 

Spike froze and let his grip loosen slightly as he realised what he was doing. His chest heaved as he breathed rapidly, his eyes not leaving hers as his face moulded back into human form. 

Leaning forwards he brushed his cheek against hers and felt her tremble against him, the warmth of her skin seeping into his. 

He opened his mouth slowly and closed his eyes, listening hard for a reaction to what he was going to say. 

"You should watch your mouth, little missy." He whispered it into the shell of her ear and her heartbeat accelerated, her body going limp beneath him. He slipped into vampire guise and nuzzled against her. "I might start to think you've got a death wish…that you want this…" He let his teeth brush against her neck and delighted in the small gasp that escaped her mouth as she wriggled slightly. "…You want me." 

Swallowing down the lump of nerves that were trembling in her throat Buffy closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 

"I'd never want a pathetic excuse for a vampire like you, Spike…you're nothing. I'd sooner have let that fledgling take me than have to lay here trapped and waiting for you to grow some balls." 

She felt him slip out of game face and cursed herself for continuing to provoke him. She didn't know what made her do it-it was as if her mouth was working on autopilot like it did when they fought, only this time she was locked up and unable to do the actual fighting. Maybe that was it? She was fighting him the only way she could-with words. 

Spike pulled back and stared down at her, his lips pressing together until they were nothing more than a thin line of anger across his face. 

"Treading on dangerous ground, pet. There's a reason I have you alive…but you're not going to get it out of me that way." He frowned as she wriggled underneath him, her body rubbing against his. "Not that way either." 

Buffy's eyes widened and she stilled her movement beneath him. 

"Timid little thing sometimes, aren't you, love?" Spike purred down at her and gave an appreciative glance down at her body. "All that power, locked away inside you." He ghosted a hand over her and watched her brows knit as her eyes closed. "It'll fade soon you know. First comes the hunger…then the tiredness…exhaustion takes over and you'll be as weak as a kitten, as a human." 

Buffy shot her eyes open and found him staring into them, his blue orbs cold and hard as he looked down at her. She felt the bubble of panic inside her stomach twist and explode. He was going to starve her, chain her up and wait for her to grow weak before he made a move. She'd be defenceless, frail, her strength reduced to that of a normal human. She swallowed hard and blinked up at him, desperately trying not to let him see how his words had panicked her but knowing from the glint that had entered his eyes that it was too late. He knew already. 

Spike licked his lips again, seeing her so afraid of him was whetting his appetite and he found his hand itching to make contact with her where they were hovering just above her breast. Regaining control of himself he ghosted his hand up to her cheek and held it there, just on the brink of touching her. He smiled as her eyes closed, her breath coming out in a sigh as she furrowed her brows. If he hadn't known better he would have said she was enjoying it, that the expression of pleasure she was wearing now was real and she wanted his hand on her. 

He tensed his jaw up and let his eyes close slightly as he looked down at her face, then at his hand and then let his eyes slowly slide across to her lips. 

Her lip-gloss had disappeared long back but her lips still looked a deep pinkish red. He'd watched her chewing her lower lip, worrying it with her teeth and he'd realised it was a sign of her nerves. Desire wound itself through his veins and he found himself considering dipping his head and kissing her. 

Spike pulled back and got off the bed, leaving Buffy lying with her eyes closed in anticipation. 

No. 

To kiss her would be to show weakness and she'd feed off it, she'd play him until he broke and he couldn't let that happen. She'd questioned his motives and abilities enough already without him giving her more ammunition to throw at him. 

He stared down at her as she lay still, seemingly not wanting to open her eyes or pull away from whatever she was feeling. 

Why couldn't he kill her? Was he weak like she'd said he was? Why hadn't he done it the second he'd got hold of her, swiftly drained her limp form and been done with it-just another notch on his belt. 

But no, he'd let her live and worse he'd healed her so she would be well again. She was right. He wasn't acting like himself but he wasn't acting like a fledgling vampire either. He was acting like some lovesick puppy. 

Spike felt the feeling of desire in his veins twist and turn upon itself until he felt sickened by it. It repulsed him, the thought that she could have such power over him-that she did have such power over him. She'd had it from the moment he'd first seen her, Drusilla had seen it in him immediately, she'd known all along how it was going to play out. Was that why she'd acted that way with Angelus? 

The sick feeling in his stomach was replaced with seething anger at himself and his weakness. 

Turning sharply he left the room, locking it behind him and ignoring all his minions as he stormed down the halls. His head swam with hateful thoughts, his body ached with tension and his blood called for violence. 

Violence. 

Beautiful violence. 

Like hers, theirs. 

Spike grinned and wrapped his hand tightly around the nearest minions throat, shoving him hard into the wall and holding him a foot off the ground. 

The young vampire choked, his eyes full of fear as he stared into Spike's. 

"Do me a favour, mate." 

"Anything…S…S…Sir." 

"Something to eat…now, and some bourbon." He let the vampire drop to the floor and watched him scurry away down the halls, a smug satisfied feeling washing through him as he pulled his cigarettes out of his pocket. 

Turning around he eyed the other vampires present, all staring at him with their mouths hung open. 

"What?" Spike frowned and lit his cigarette. Clicking his Zippo shut he gave them a displeased look and waved his hand in a dismissive manner for emphasis. "Get back to work." 

Walking down the hall to his bedroom, he kicked the door open and flicked the TV on before flopping down onto the bed. His head ached from all the questions buzzing in it. He wanted to go out, hunt and get drunk in some bar somewhere. Wanted to forget all about her, but he couldn't leave the lair. His minions were as restless as he was-the divine scent of Slayer driving them slowly insane. 

"Bloody minions." He mumbled and looked over at the half empty bottle of bourbon on his side table. It wouldn't be enough to get him anywhere near drunk but it was a start. 

Picking it up, he pulled the cork out with his teeth and took a large mouthful. He sighed as the liquor burnt his throat, warming him from the inside out and instantly relaxing him. 

Closing his eyes, he frowned as he pondered the question that was irritating him the most. 

Why couldn't he kill her? 


	3. Drowning sorrows

**Spike stumbled in through the door, pushing it with such force that it hit the wall hard and caused Buffy to jolt awake. Moving in a rough line across the room he kept his eyes on her at all times, the near empty second bottle of bourbon dangling limply from his left hand.**

Buffy wriggled into a more comfortable position on the bed, clutching the sheets to her as best she could and bringing her knees up in a move to protect herself by seeming as small as possible. She let her eyes roam down his swaying form to the bottle in his hand. 

"Are you drunk?" She whispered quietly, afraid that if he really heard her questioning him he would turn violent. 

"What if I am?" Spike slurred back at her defiantly. 

"Nothing…just didn't think vampires…" 

"There's a lot 'bout us you don't know…Miss High-and-mighty." He stumbled backwards a few steps and landed on the vanity table with a loud thud, knocking over the knick-knacks that resided on top of it. 

Buffy watched the pain flicker across his face, a slight edge of disorientation in his eyes as he looked at his new position-his backside resting against the table. 

He held the bottle up and stared at it. "Takes a little more…but we still get drunk." 

"Why?" She frowned, unsure of why she felt the need to question his motives but feeling she had to do so all the same, no matter how much it could piss him off. 

"Just 'cause." Spike frowned down at the table and pushed off it, wobbling to his feet before drinking down another mouthful of bourbon. He sucked his cheeks in and pursed his lips as he looked down at her, his expression hard as he thought about what she'd said to him earlier that day. "You know what…I don't know where you get off…" 

"Huh?" Buffy looked confused, was she the reason he was now drunk beyond any mortal capacity? 

"…Saying shit about me when look at you…hardly bloody perfect…stupid hair…stupid boyfriends…can't keep 'em though can you?" He stumbled towards her and grabbed hold of the corner post at the end of the bed. His expression darkened. "…Least I know who I am…" 

Buffy's eyes widened as he chuckled at her, the sound of it and his words cutting into her heart like a knife. She knew he was only being spiteful but he'd hit too close to the mark that time. 

"Shall I tell you something…_Buffy_?" Holding on tightly to the post, he swigged another mouthful from the bottle. 

"Oh, please do. Enlighten me." Buffy sneered up at him, no longer caring if she angered him with her words. 

He chuckled again. 

"Always were feisty." Spike looked thoughtful. "Maybe that's the problem, too feisty for them?" 

Buffy glared at him as he grinned down at her, even in his drunken state he seemed to be able to see straight through her and read her like she was an open book. 

"I hate you." 

"Keep telling yourself that." Spike drank the remains of his bourbon and ran his fingers lightly down the post as he stared at it dreamily. "You have…all that power…all that grace…but you push away from it. You're the strongest one I've met…you know? But you're the only one who won't accept who she was…who she is…you hide behind a mantle of lies…pretending to be someone that you know you aren't, hiding away from your true power…" 

"True power?" Buffy frowned up at him as he stroked the post, almost caressing it as he continued to talk as if she hadn't even spoken. 

"Did he tell you? Your precious Watcher…no…" Spike looked into her eyes and shook his head. "He didn't, did he?" 

"Tell me what?" She cursed herself for actually being intrigued by what he was saying. 

"You belong in the night, with the demons, with me." He smiled as her eyes widened, her horror and disgust showing through more than her confusion over what he was saying. 

"No…I don't belong with you…you disgust me…" 

Spike roared and threw the bottle hard at the wall. 

Buffy flinched as she curled up into a ball and listened to glass raining down onto the floor. She could feel anger emanating from him, could feel it lacing his signature and it made her stomach turn. 

"You're mine, Buffy…whether you accept it or not…I own you now." 

"No…never…you can't own me…no one does." Buffy frowned at the words as they left her lips, no one owned her because she never let them, didn't let anyone get close enough to her that they could place a claim on her affections or her heart. Not since Angel. 

With a lightning fast but somewhat uncoordinated movement, Spike was beside her, grasping her wrists tightly as he breathed heavily, struggling to make her open up and look at him. 

"Look at me…" Spike growled and Buffy raised her eyes defiantly. 

When he ran a finger lightly down her cheek Buffy furrowed her brows. Her body trembled and her wrist ached under the pressure of the tight grip he had on it. 

"You belong in the night, Buffy…your power is rooted in it, rooted in evil. I've read what the Watchers keep hidden from you, hidden from all the girls they use. I know you, Buffy…I know what you are…the violence inside of you." 

"No…" Buffy ground out harshly and pulled her wrist free from Spike's grip. Her heart pounded hard against her ribs as she struggled to brush aside what he was saying. "No…you don't know me…" 

"You're right…" Spike relented and sat back on his heels, his hands resting on his thighs as he looked deep into her bright green orbs and watched them sparkle with fire. "I don't know you…because you don't even know yourself." 

She swallowed hard as she looked into his eyes, his expression was cold and unemotional, and his eyes were hard and empty. Teasing her lip with her teeth, she didn't notice his gaze dropping to rest on her mouth, his look changing to fascination as he watched her. 

It was wrong of her to be curious about what he'd been saying. Wrong of her to want to sit with him and ask him a million questions about the Slayers he'd fought and the things about her that he claimed to know. He was holding her captive, chained in a bedroom and she'd spent what could only be days studying his mood swings-how he could go from calm to berserk in an instant, a split second, not even the drop of a hat. 

Raising her eyes up she realised he was watching her gnawing away at her lip, her teeth worrying it as she thought about what he'd said. His eyes were calm and tender as he watched her, intrigue clearly echoed in his expression. He was definitely drunk. Drunk beyond anything she'd imagined possible and now he was sitting just a foot from her. 

Her heartbeat accelerated at that thought and she dropped her eyes to rest on where his knees were and the small gap between them and her feet. She was in more danger now than she'd ever been. Drunken humans were bad enough if you pissed them off, she dreaded to think what he would be capable of in his condition-one wrong move and he'd either kill her or worse. 

The clinking of chains bought her attention to the fact she was subconsciously rubbing her wrists, and reminded her of the heavy restraints that held her captive and a victim of his will. 

Spike let his eyes to rest on her hands. Her wrists were red raw where the manacles had been cutting into her soft flesh and he found himself staring blankly, dreamlike, at the small line of cuts that were bleeding from where she'd scratched them. 

He growled. 

Buffy's fingers froze. 

Her heartbeat rocketed. 

"So…tell me about um…vampires…" Buffy felt the bubble of panic explode in her stomach, her veins washing with full-blown fear as he licked his lips and moved his eyes to rest on her neck. "Clearly you've had too much to drink…really think you should carefully consider…" 

"Oh, I've considered it, love…from the second I bought you in here, limp and unconscious in my arms I've been considering it…sweet taste of Slayer blood…yours is divine…real ambrosia, nectar of heaven…" 

Buffy didn't like the sound of that. 

"Really…thought you'd have more pressing matters like…oh…your minions revolting against you?" She'd heard the fights each night since she'd been here. The fact he hadn't left the lair was testament to how bad things were. 

"Revolting…let them…I've got a pretty little Slayer…I can hire any demons I want with you all caged up…" 

"Huh?" 

"Leverage, pet…I threaten them with the release of you and suddenly everyone wants to work for old Spike." He grinned down at her and inhaled sharply. The scent of her fear was overwhelming, making his head spin worse than the alcohol had been. 

Reaching a hand out he brushed the hair from her neck, watching her eyes widen with fear as he did so. The slight gasp she made as his cool fingers coursed down her neck was enough to make him ache inside. His whole being wanted to be close to her-inside her in one way or another. 

Leaning forward, Spike noted with a smile that she didn't raise her hands to stop him, she just kept still like a scared rabbit as his lips brushed against her neck lightly. 

"Spike…" Buffy furrowed her brows as she remained frozen, her heart beating rapidly and her shallow breathing her only movements. "Spike?" 

She frowned. 

He nuzzled her neck. 

Buffy braced herself for him to bite her. 

But it never came. 

Craning her neck away from him she looked down out of the corner of her eye to see him slipping out of game face, his eyes closed as he snorted slightly in his sleep. She grimaced under the dead weight of him as he leant against her body, his hand playing on her side as he slumbered on. 

"Great…pass out on me why don't you…" She tried to wriggle free of him but found him holding her tighter. Sighing out her breath, she winced as he pressed hard against her ribs, his body heavy against her slender frame. "…Christ you're heavy…stupid Spike…get the hell off me you…" 

She blinked as she looked down at the pocket in his jeans, the outline of keys clearly visible through the tight material. 

"Don't know how you get into those damn things." Buffy muttered at him as she tried to reach down, stretching as far as she could go in her restraints. 

She struggled against the chains and kept her eyes fixed on his face the whole time, watching for signs that she was doing wasn't waking him. When she realised that they were too far away to reach without disturbing him she heaved a long sigh of resignation and relaxed back against the headboard. 

Spike mumbled something and tugged her closer to him, his head now snugly resting against her chest. 

"Oh…vast improvement." Buffy groused as she looked down at him, his face softened by sleep and a contented smile twitching on his lips. He looked almost sweet when he was asleep; the usually hard lines of his face now smooth. He appeared vulnerable, human even. 

It hit her hard that he was human once, long before the demon had taken residence inside him. She'd seen lingering elements of the man he used to be still in him, moments where he'd shown her just how different he was to the vampires she usually met. He was more human than all of them, all except Angel. 

She frowned. He was almost as human as Angel. Wasn't it the soul that made Angel human? If that was true then what was it that made Spike that way? 

Letting her eyes linger on his face she blinked slowly as she took in the gentle curves of his cheeks and the serenity of his expression. 

Curiosity taking over, she ran her fingers lightly over his cheek and nearly withdrew her hand quickly as she realised how soft his skin was-not hard and cold like she'd expected it to be but silky and almost warm. She smiled absentmindedly as she let her fingers trace the curve of his brow, moving down over his cheek to his lips. 

He twitched his nose and his lips parted slightly. 

Buffy took her hand away from him and sighed. 

Closing her eyes she did the only thing she could do-followed him into the land of nod. 

Spike smacked his lips together as he woke, his head spinning and aching. Blinking slightly he paused when he realised he felt warm. 

He was wrapped up in something, someone. 

Slow steady heartbeat. 

Gentle shallow breathing. 

He inhaled deeply. 

Slayer. 

Fluttering his eyes open, he was greeted by an eyeful of cotton-covered breast. He smiled. 

What made things even better was the fact that his hateful Slayer had her chained arms wrapped as tight around him as she could manage, holding him to her chest as she slept, cradling him to her. 

Spike's smile widened into a grin which soon faded under the pressure of the pain numbing his brain. 

Sighing with contentment, he snuggled into her chest and closed his eyes again, wanting nothing more than to fall back asleep in her arms. 

"Oh god." Buffy woke with a start, her hands releasing him and pushing against his shoulders until he fell off her. 

"Hey!" Spike frowned up at her as she pushed him away. "You were the one with the death grip on me, love…" 

"What…no…you started it, with your stupid passing out, Mister Can't-handle-his-drink." Buffy found herself half frowning and half pouting at him. She quickly stopped, her face becoming a mask of indifference over the situation while her insides swirled with conflict over how nice it had felt. 

"Suit yourself…I could always finish what I was about to start." He eyed her neck and grinned at her as she tugged the covers up to her chin. 

Sliding off the bed he ran his hand over his hair and searched the room for his cigarettes. His stomach growled. At least he thought it had been his stomach. 

He turned slowly to find Buffy looking away from him, her eyes cast down at the sheets and a sheepish look on her face. 

"Hungry, pet?" Spike cocked his head to one side as he approached her, his movements slow. 

"I'm fine." She kept her face turned away from him as he sat down on the bed next to her. 

"Still dark out…could get you something…got to get me something anyway." Spike tried to ignore the part of him that said he shouldn't be leaving her-she wouldn't be safe with his minions acting up. But he needed to get out of the lair, needed to feel the cool night air against his skin and breathe it all in-clearing his head of thoughts of her and what was happening to him. 

Buffy felt a chill sweep up her spine at his words. He was going out to hunt and it made the conflict inside her grow worse. Part of her was quietly thankful that he wasn't intending to make her his next meal and he clearly wasn't going to starve her either. He seemed to be having too much fun with her around to consider that just yet. But part of her was feeling nervous about being left alone in the lair without him to protect her from his remaining minions. She'd heard their chatter outside the door while he'd been sleeping, whispered comments about her and their master. 

Looking into Spike's eyes, she couldn't find the strength to tell him not to go, she couldn't let him see that she needed him around, that she was scared to be alone. 

"Won't be long." Spike smiled and lit his cigarette. 

Buffy watched him take a long drag on it, the smoke seeping gently from his lips before he blew it out into the cool air of the bedroom. 

She glanced nervously at the door. 

Spike followed her gaze. He hated himself for what he was about to say. Never mind bringing her back alive, now he was adding to it by wanting to keep her safe. 

"I'll lock the door." He placed his hand softly on her knee and saw her eyes flicker to it, her look turning worried and he knew it wasn't all about the door, it was about the things that were happening between them-he could feel it too. 

Standing sharply he stormed out. 

Buffy listened to him muttering as he locked her inside her strange prison. Casting a glance around the walls, the room seemed suddenly massive, a large foreboding space full of shadows that seemed to grow shapes, long tendril like fingers reaching out for her. 

She curled up and hugged her knees tightly. 

She wished Spike were back already. 


	4. Broken and bruised

**A series of low growls outside her door made Buffy curl up into a tight ball, her heartbeat increasing as adrenaline and fear flooded her veins. Spike still wasn't back. He'd been gone for what seemed like an eternity and now his minions were starting to scratch at the door like wolves.**

Closing her eyes, she jumped as the sound of splintering wood filled the room. She could feel the vampire's signatures as they forced their way in, rushing towards her like a wave of pain and death. Gripping the chains tightly, she gritted her teeth and lashed out as they tried to seize hold of her, their fingernails scratching at her exposed skin as she attempted to fight them off. As one vampire mounted the bed and lunged towards her she kicked it backwards and watched it fly across the room, hitting the opposite wall hard and slumping into unconsciousness. 

Panic filled her. 

Fear fuelled her. 

She felt like she was fighting for her life as her eyes darted around the room, absorbing as much information in as short a space of time as possible. There were at least six of them, all circling the bed and all reaching for her at the same time. There was no way she could take them all; the chains that bound her wrists were making it too hard for her to fight and she supposed that was why Spike had made them the length they were-so she couldn't effectively fight him. 

A sharp pain in her thigh made her scream out in agony and roughly kick the minion responsible. Her heart felt as if it was about to smash out of her chest and she could feel her cheeks becoming tear stained as her fear turned to cold realisation-she was going to die. 

There was no way she could stop them all. 

Gritting her teeth she made a low growling noise and punched one of her attackers that had strayed too close to her fists. Lashing out with her legs, she desperately tried to hit as many of them as she could. She could feel them all trying to grab her and pin her down to the bed, could sense them all surrounding her as her vision blurred with pain. On her body she could feel a million small cuts, all stinging as her muscles ached from struggling against her assailants. Hands with grips of iron wrapped themselves tightly around her forearms and she tried to pull away from them as she watched in abject horror the vampire in front of her. He was mounting the bed. Slinking towards her as the others fought to keep her restrained. 

"No…" Buffy breathed and shook her head, her eyes widening in fear as she furrowed her brows. 

Death she could handle. 

This she couldn't. 

Making a last attempt to free herself she managed to pull her arms together, forcing the two vampires on either side of her to bash their skulls together hard enough to be knocked out. She screamed as two others grabbed hold of her legs, their claws ripping through her jeans and their grip bruising her tired flesh. 

Buffy looked up at the vampire now trying to pry apart her knees, his face contorted into a vicious sneer as he grinned at the others pinning her down and restraining her. She felt like she was slipping away, her consciousness drawing itself back inside, away from her body as though there they couldn't hurt her-they could only take her flesh and not her heart and soul. 

Closing her eyes and frowning hard, she felt tears slipping down her cheeks as her body ached, the tight grasps of the vampires holding her and marking her with deep bruises. 

She felt the vampire's nails rake down her thighs, his hips nestling in between her knees as his hands coursed back up her body to her shirt. Staring blankly at the ceiling, she felt oddly detached as he ripped apart her shirt, exposing her seemingly frail body to the cool air of the room. She swallowed the painful lump in her throat as resignation hit her like a tidal wave, her emotions washing away with it as she wished she were dead already. Feeling his hands tearing apart her jeans, she closed her eyes again and wished she were far away. Safe again. 

A loud roar filled her ears and the signature of a master vampire swirled in her stomach. The sound of the minions disintegrating and dust raining down all around didn't rouse her from her numb state of mind. She felt the vampire between her legs disappear and the grips on her limbs disintegrate, leaving her tired body free from their restraint. Immediately curling up into a ball she wept in earnest as she drew the covers around her, the marginal feeling of security they gave her simply not enough to make her feel any better. 

Spike twisted the head off the minion kneeling before Buffy, his chest heaving with exertion as he looked around the room at the remaining vampire. He watched him dash out of the door with a petrified look on his face. Spike roared at him in a show of authority. 

He panted hard as he finally looked down at Buffy. 

She was curled up so tight. 

So small. 

So frail. 

Frowning, he felt a weight of pain hit him hard in his chest. He'd done this. He'd left her alone when it had been clear to him that she didn't feel safe. 

"What have I done?" Spike whispered as he stared blankly at her, his eyes roaming over her curled up form on the bed. From what he could see of her she was covered in cuts and bruises, her clothes ruined by the vicious assault. He didn't want to think about what could have happened if he hadn't come back when he did. His whole body seemed revolted at the thought and pushed away from it. 

Moving around the bed, he lowered his head to look at her, trying to catch sight of her face as she clung to the sheet. 

Spike growled. 

This was his fault. 

He'd fix it. 

Pulling the key from his pocket, he went to catch hold of her hands but she pulled away from him, a whimper escaping her lips as she tried to back away across the bed. 

"Shh…love…not going to hurt you." 

She looked up at him with scared bloodshot eyes that seemed to pierce his heart. 

Holding his hands up by his sides, he smiled slightly at her, showing her the keys and then pointing to the manacles. 

"Just want to set you free, love…promise I won't hurt you." 

Leaning forwards again he moved slowly, making sure every movement he made wasn't distressing her further and hoping that what he was doing was getting through to her. She looked so vacant, her eyes wide and her lashes wet with tears. 

Spike watched a tear roll down her cheek as he unlocked her restraints. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and wipe her tears away but knew if he did, he would only scare her further. He needed to get her feeling as normal as possible, needed to help her get rid of the images that were probably lingering in her head. He'd seen girls, toys of his previous masters with the same expression she was wearing, like they weren't at home anymore-the body was there but the mind had drifted away to a safe place. He needed to get her back. 

Keeping his eyes locked with hers, he set her free and then wrapped the sheet tighter around her, trying to make it clear he wasn't going to try anything. Scooping her up in his arms he swallowed hard as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks, her brows furrowing as she looked into his eyes. 

"Not going to hurt you…we need to get you clean…" He whispered quietly, hoping it would soothe her and help stop her tears. 

Buffy blinked at him. 

A wide smile settled on his lips. 

It was the first sign of her being conscious that he'd seen. 

"Hey…beautiful…you in there?" Spike narrowed his eyes warmly on hers and watched her brows smooth out as she let her head rest against his arm. "Let's get you cleaned up." 

Carrying her to the lair's makeshift shower, Spike's eyes remained on Buffy's as he thought about how he was going to do what came next. He needed her out of her clothes so he could clean her. He knew she wouldn't be able to clean herself. If he put her under the shower she'd just stand there, blank and empty, motionless. 

Setting her down as he reached the small corner of the cave where he'd broken a water pipe and fixed up something resembling a shower, Spike took a moment to assess the situation and Buffy. 

His remaining minions had scurried far into the recesses of the caves and the few he'd seen on his way to the shower had quickly disappeared, making it clear to him that they wouldn't be watched. 

His eyes moved to rest on Buffy. 

She was standing in the middle of the room, clinging to the sheet that was wrapped around her and rapidly becoming stained with her blood. He sighed as he looked at her. Her expression vacant, her fine golden hair a mess of tangles and sweat, her lower lip trembling as she fought back the tears. 

She was broken. 

The woman he once saw as proud, like a lioness, was nothing more than a frail girl. 

Reality was harsh. 

But she didn't deserve this. 

This was his fault. 

Taking a slow step towards her he watched her eyes dart up to meet his, her expression turning scared once more and he realised it was probably the Slayer in control. She could sense a vampire nearby and his signature meant nothing but danger to her. 

"Hey…Buffy…" He dipped his head so his eyes were level with hers, making it easier on her to look at him and making himself appear smaller so she wouldn't be as scared by his presence. "We need to get you clean, love…might be a little cold…" 

He reached out to remove the sheet but stopped as she tensed, her fingers grasping it tighter as she looked petrified. 

"Shh…love…" Spike held his hands up again, letting his voice turn gentle as he pointed at the shower. "Just want to get you clean…um…not going to hurt you Buffy…can you hear me? Not going to hurt you…" 

He watched her relax slightly, her fingers releasing their vice-like grip on the white material wrapped about her. 

Spike slowly removed the sheet and placed it to one side. 

"Now comes the part where you either show me some trust or kick my arse…god I hope it's the former, pet…you've been through enough for one lifetime…" 

Buffy blinked languidly. Her eyes widened as she watched him coming back towards her. 

He smiled as he found her eyes following his movements, another tiny sign that she was still in there somewhere. 

He paused. 

His fingers trembled as he considered how to do this. 

She was going to kill him. 

"Buffy…" Spike whispered as he moved towards her. "Got to get you clean, remember nice showers? Make Buffy all clean again…please, love…don't kill me…" 

He closed his eyes as he touched the collar of her shirt, waiting with baited breath for her reaction. When she didn't lash out at him, he opened one eye and then the other. She was staring straight into them. 

Slowly removing her shirt, he looked down at the flimsy cotton material in his hands and then back up at Buffy. She had folded her arms across her chest. 

He frowned. 

"I'm sorry, love." He sighed as he looked down at her jeans. "Wish there was another way…wish I hadn't left you…it was stupid of me…god, I'm a wanker…" 

Buffy blinked. 

Spike tentatively reached his hand out and touched the waistband of her jeans, she tensed for a moment and then relaxed again as he met her eyes. 

"Not going to hurt you…" 

Buffy shook her head. 

Spike smiled, his insides warming through from receiving a more positive sign of life from her. 

Slipping her jeans down he watched her hands race to cover what was already hidden beneath her cream underwear. 

Moving over to the shower, he turned the water on and put his hand under it, it was tepid at best. 

"This might be cold. Won't keep you here long…" Spike removed his red shirt and placed it with the sheet. Grabbing hold of Buffy's ruined shirt in one hand and reaching out to her with the other, he smiled warmly as she walked towards him, her steps shaky. 

Buffy flinched as the water hit her. 

It was cold. 

Startling. 

She felt as if she was being dragged forcibly back into the world. 

Whimpering, she looked up at the water as it rained down on her, her body trembling with cold and fatigue as she let the water wash away the lingering dirty feeling on her skin. 

Closing her eyes, she let her tears fall once more, not caring if she looked weak and not caring what he'd think of her. 

Spike frowned as he watched her lower lip trembling and he knew it wasn't because of the cold. 

Shutting the water off he took a long deep breath and picked the sheet up before walking towards her where she stood dripping wet in a puddle. 

"Need to dry you off, love…not going to hurt you…" 

She watched his movements like a hawk as he patted and dabbed her skin gently with the sheet, drying her off as best he could with what he had available. Her hands never left her body, they remained stuck to her as she tried to hide herself from him. 

Spike sighed. 

Her arms and legs were littered with deep gashes that began bleeding again as he brushed the cloth against them, on her pale skin he could see patches of dark bruising starting to appear and they formed shapes like the handprints of her attackers. 

Walking around behind her he saw her head turn slightly, her eyes trying to follow his movements so she could see exactly what he was up to. He squeezed the excess water from her hair before drying her back and her legs. With every stroke of the sheet he could feel her trembling under his hands, could sense the fear and distress coming off her in sickening waves. 

Heaving a long sigh, he let the dirty, wet sheet drop to the ground and watched her brows furrow as she looked from it to her half naked form. 

"Don't worry, pet…we'll get you covered up." Moving across the room, he picked up his red shirt and walked back to her. 

She followed his hands as he gently slipped the shirt onto her and slowly buttoned it up, her hands hanging limp at her sides as she started to feel more comfortable again. 

Spike looked down at her legs. They had sustained most of the attack and were still bleeding profusely. He momentarily considered asking her if she would let him close the wounds for her but something inside him said she would say no and he would feel foolish for ever mentioning it. 

Or believing she would trust him now. 

Frowning hard, he continued to stare at her legs. 

Buffy furrowed her brows at the stony cold expression on his face. 

She backed away a step and wrapped her arms protectively around herself. 

Spike blinked and raised his eyes to meet hers, his expression instantly softening as he realised he was scaring her. 

"Sorry, pet…just trying to figure out what to do…they need to heal…" He pointed to her legs and saw her eyes slowly move to rest on them, her face a mask of blankness once more. "…Can't cover them up tonight, they need air and time to heal…" He lowered his voice and eyes as he mumbled. "…I'd heal them, but I don't think you'd like that…" 

Buffy blinked and rubbed her arms, trying to warm them up through the thin material of his shirt. 

"Come on, love. Let's get you back and warmed up, all comfy and stuff." Spike went to move towards her but she backed away a step, her eyes wide as she blinked at him. 

He knit his brows as he tried to figure out what was wrong with her now. Something he'd said had clearly upset her but he couldn't figure out what it was. This day had to rank up there with the worst ones of his existence. Trying to relieve the weight of guilt and the feelings he felt while at the same time working out what was going through her head without her actually speaking was proving to be more than difficult. 

She hadn't been bothered by his mention of healing her wounds for her, she'd just intimated in her own little way that she was cold. 

It had been his mention of taking her back to the bedroom. 

"Stupid, Spike." He growled at himself as he realised it would be the last place she'd want to go after her ordeal. Raising his eyes to meet hers, he dipped his head and smiled slightly at her. "Won't take you there, take you somewhere safe, somewhere they can't get to you." 

He knew she wouldn't understand if he told her he'd killed almost all her attackers anyway, leaving one alive to let the others know what happens to his minions when they mess with his captive. She would just think of all the others, the ones they had caught fleeting glimpses of on their way to the shower. 

Holding his hand out to her, he watched her eyes move to rest on it, her arms releasing their protective grasp on her body as she slipped her hand shakily into his. 

"Can I carry you, pet?" Spike nodded down at her legs and her bare feet. "Might be a little uncomfortable and painful for you to walk." 

When she didn't move to run away he scooped her up into his arms again and sighed as her head settled against his chest, her fingers grasping his black t-shirt tightly as he started to walk with her. 

Looking down at her the whole time he considered just how long it was going to take her to recover, to come out of her shell and back into the world again. Part of him was saying that he should take her back to her Watcher's house or her mother's, the other part of him didn't want to be apart from her when she was so frail and vulnerable. 

And that scared him. 

He swallowed hard as his eyes met hers, he could see the tears still threatening to spill over but there seemed to be a little more life in her green orbs now as they watched him quietly, almost calmly. 

"You still in there, Buffy? Love?" Spike held her a little tighter to him as he turned a corner and started down the long corridor to his bedroom. "Just a sign, pet…anything…blink if you can hear me in there." 

He held his breath as he watched her, her face a mask of stony silence. 

Just as he was about to give up hope of getting a sign from her, she blinked. 

He smiled slightly. 

"There's my girl." 


	5. Protection

**Nudging the door open with the toe of his heavy boot, Spike carried her inside and ignored the voice in his head that said she would kill him when she realised he'd taken her to his own bedroom. But it was the safest place he knew, no minions would dare enter it. **

He placed her down gently on the bed and watched as her eyes moved around the room, taking in her new surroundings. Picking a thick blanket up from the pile on top of the chest of drawers, Spike put it down on the bed beside her and let his eyes fall to rest on her legs again-there were small trickles of blood seeping from the wounds where he'd disturbed them while drying her. 

"I'll let you get some rest." Spike stood and went to move away from the bed but found her hand grasping his firmly as she let out a quiet, almost desperate whimper. 

Turning his head around to look down at her, he found her gazing up at him with a face full of fear and as she moved her eyes to rest on the door he knew what she was saying-she didn't want to be left alone, she was scared they'd come back and get her. 

Conflict reigned inside him as he watched her gradually release his arm. He had already allowed his emotions to have too much control over his actions tonight and now she was asking him to stay with her. 

To protect her. 

What was worse was that he wanted to. 

God did he want to. 

He wanted to wrap her up in his arms and never let her go, wanted to whisper sweet words of comfort to her as he held her tightly to him and cradled her. Wanted to smooth down her wet hair and touch her cheek as he thought about how she was more beautiful than anything he'd seen in his long existence. 

Spike swallowed noisily as he tried to push the ever poetic William back into his cage so he wouldn't fill his head with such thoughts. 

Glancing over at the door, it seemed like his last chance for freedom. 

He was teetering on the edge now, treading along the thin and treacherous line that separated the demon from William, the enemy from the lover, the man who wanted to kill the Slayer from the man who wanted to love and protect her. 

He moved his eyes from the door to the space on the bed by her feet and back to the door again. 

He could do it. 

Could just walk out that door and lock it, sit outside it if that was the furthest distance his feelings would allow him to put between him and the Slayer. 

But he couldn't stay here. 

Couldn't offer her the protection she wanted. 

Needed. 

Was pleading for. 

Because if he did that then he would have to admit that she wasn't the only one that fell the night he'd rescued her and chained her up. He'd have to admit that the reason he'd kept her alive and healed her wounds wasn't because he wanted to have her healthy again so he could kill her himself. 

He would have to admit there were deeper feelings at work and that William was right. 

She was an angel. 

She was beautiful. 

Clenching fists and his jaw up tightly he took a step towards the door, inhaling sharply as he went to move away from her. 

He frowned and closed his eyes as he felt somewhere in his chest region tug him back towards her. 

It was hopeless. 

Stepping backwards, Spike sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed. 

He was done for now. 

Buffy blinked at him, her knees bought up to her chest and her hands wrapped around them as she watched him. It felt as if she was watching him from a distance, like she was far away from the real world, shut safely away from harm, locked in a place where they couldn't touch her. His decision to stay with her made her stomach feel warm, her body relax slightly and she felt almost ready to take another tiny step towards reality and away from the comforting shell she'd been hiding in. 

"I'll stay…if it makes you feel safer knowing I'm nearby…I'll stay and you can get some kip. Won't let them come and get you." Spike sighed again and looked into her eyes, she still looked so withdrawn but there was something in there this time, a tiny spark of life. 

Moving his eyes down her body, he noted how she was curled up in a protective manner, sitting in a way that made her as small as possible. It only added to the feeling he had inside, the need to protect her when she looked so weak, so human. 

Lowering his eyes still he let them come to rest on her legs, the small rivulets of blood were gradually making their way down her pale skin. Locking his eyes on one of her wounds, he felt like it was calling to him, his hunger for blood mixing in with his desire to heal her wounds as he stared at the small thin red line glistening in the low light. 

His eyes unfocused as he tentatively reached his hand out, his head emptying of thought as he licked his lips and became so absorbed in the sight and smell of her blood that he forgot how much he could be scaring her by attempting to touch her where her attackers had. 

But he was mesmerised. 

Enthralled. 

He heard her breathe in sharply as his finger caught the droplet of red that had begun to run down the side of her right calf. 

Bringing his finger away from her he kept his eyes fixed on the tantalising smear of red on his fingertip and avoided her gaze. He feared the worst as he struggled with his demon, trying to hold it at bay as he told himself he'd scared her enough by stealing this tiny amount of blood from her without turning vampire on her. 

He breathed heavily as he bought the drop of crimson to his lips, the sweet scent of her blood pervading his senses until it took all he had to refrain from slipping into game face. He knew what he was doing was dangerous, could make her slip further away from him but he couldn't stop himself-it called to him, begged him to taste it, to swallow it down and delight in the heavenly feeling it evoked. 

Slipping his finger into his mouth, he closed his eyes as the blood touched his tongue and exhaled his pleasure sharply through his nose. The delicious taste he'd had of her when he'd first bought her down to his lair had set in motion a vicious cycle within him. He'd crave the sweetness of her blood and the warmth of her, and then he'd hate her for what she was doing to him before reverting back to needing her again. 

Addiction. 

She was his drug. 

As she shifted her feet so they were stretched out flat along the bed, Spike came out of his reverie and ran his eyes up her legs to her face. 

She was watching him. 

Green eyes boring into his as his finger remained in his mouth. 

Her eyes moved to rest on her legs and then flitted back to him. 

Spike swallowed hard, unsure of what she was trying to say as she looked into his eyes. He wished she'd find her voice again, her being quiet for so long was starting to play on his nerves, he was so used to her being verbose-witty quips and pointed comebacks that always stirred a fire within him. 

Now there was nothing. 

Silence reigned even as her eyes were gradually sparking back into life. 

"Buffy…love. I don't know what you're trying to tell me, pet. Show me." He cocked his head to one side and narrowed his eyes on hers as she blinked at him. 

Buffy raised her finger to her lips, licked it and then reached down and wiped the trail of blood from one of the cuts on her thighs. She looked back into Spike's eyes as he frowned curiously at her. She repeated the process. 

Spike watched her lick her finger again and wipe more blood off her leg. It was clear she wasn't commenting on his earlier action because she was doing the reverse to what he'd done, where he had licked his finger after wiping her blood up she was licking her finger before. 

His eyes widened as it dawned on him. 

He swore if his heart could still beat it would've stopped in that moment. 

"You want me to…to…" Spike's eyes moved from hers to her legs and he licked his lips again, the small streaks of blood calling to his blood, enticing him. "…Clean them?" 

A slight movement of her head. 

He took it as a yes. 

"How…I mean…don't want to scare you, love. Don't think you'd appreciate me going all wrinklies on you." 

Buffy closed her eyes. 

"Oh…thought of everything then…" 

Looking at her face he narrowed his eyes, she looked so serene, like a marble statue of some beauty-of Venus herself. 

He cleared his throat and grounded himself with the thought that underneath her cool exterior her emotions were more than likely twisting and turning upon themselves, fighting against each other as she struggled to maintain a calm façade. The quicker he got this over with the quicker she'd be on her way to recovery and the less he'd scare her. 

Inhaling deeply to steady himself he gave one last look at her face to make sure her eyes really were closed and then slid into vampire guise, his teeth elongating as his demon came forth. 

He moved to kneel on the bed and he couldn't miss how it seemed he was worshipping her, kneeling reverently by her feet in the hopes of receiving a taste of her. 

Spike closed his eyes as he dipped his head, his fingers digging into the bedspread as he tentatively reached out towards her leg with the tip of his tongue. 

The first tang of metallic rang through his body like electricity, coursing along his every nerve until he was poised on the edge, his body tensed and ready for the next dose of her blood. Moving his lips closer to her leg, he flattened his tongue as he repeatedly licked the first wound by her ankle. He rolled his eyes as his body hummed with delight at the way she tasted, the sweetness feeding the addiction to her that he already felt. 

Moving his way up her left leg, he cleaned one wound after another until he reached her knee. He stared at it and tensed his jaw. It seemed like a line, a point of no return that he had to summon up the courage to cross. On the other side of it lay her thigh, he moved his eyes to rest there, the soft bronzed skin of it marred with long gashes of red but it was still a temptation beyond anything he'd felt with her. Shifting on the bed, he moved into a more comfortable position and tried to fight the desire to press a kiss to the patch of untouched skin on her thigh just in front of his eyes. 

He swallowed hard, the feeling of a trace amount of her blood in his veins making his whole body buzz. Courage seemed a long way off but the preternatural high from her blood was enough to drive him on. 

Lowering his lips he paused when they were just above her thigh, he glanced out the corner of his eye at her and was satisfied when she still had her eyes closed. Bringing his eyes back to rest on her thigh he zeroed them in on the clear patch of skin in front of him, smooth and temptingly warm as he hovered just mere centimetres above it. Closing his eyes, he dipped his head and pressed a wet kiss to it, inhaling deeply through his nose as he savoured the delicious combination of the scent of her skin and the taste of it. 

Buffy felt her heart echo a little faster in her ears, the dull sound of it becoming clearer and clearer as she found herself opening her eyes a fraction to see what was happening, a sudden desire to see him overtaking her. 

She let her lips part slightly as she watched him pressing a long kiss to her thigh, his eyes closed and brows knit in seeming reverence of her. Her stomach squirmed, the feelings inside her swirling and conflicting with each other as her Slayer side fought for dominance over her emotions. She squashed it down as she watched him, his face in demonic guise but his actions undeniably tender, and she knew it wasn't all about her blood this time. This time it was just about her. During her withdrawn daze, she'd seen the edge of affection in his eyes when it had slipped free of its restraints and broken to the surface. She could see that same affection written in the lines of his face as he moved slow kisses along her thigh. 

Over the cuts on her legs. 

She stared at them. 

Thin, painful lines of red drawn into her flesh. 

She frowned. 

Her eyes filled with tears as the images of her attackers came flooding back. 

Closing her eyes, she felt herself slipping away again, withdrawing from the real world and hiding away in the safe place she'd made. 

Spike looked up and frowned as he listened to her heartbeat, for a moment he could have sworn that it had sped up but it was beating steadily at the same rate it had been for the past few hours. Seeing her looking the same as she had before he'd started cleaning her wounds, he dipped his head and started licking the cuts again. 

As he ingested more and more of her blood he felt himself grow ever increasingly overcome, the rich powerful taste of it making his body feel lax and unresponsive as he continued to heal the cuts that littered her legs. 

He took his time as he cleaned and healed the last of her wounds on her right thigh, savouring every drop of her blood as though it was his last and he'd never taste anything as divine as this again. He smiled dazedly as he closed his eyes and lay back on the bed with his head level with her stomach, allowing himself a few moments to enjoy the feeling of her inside him, awakening his feelings and connecting him to her. 

Buffy opened her eyes and looked down at him where he lay, his face slipping out of vampire guise and a contented smile playing on his lips. She blinked down at him and let herself come out of hiding as she realised that she felt strangely safe with him. Even her Slayer side felt safe. She'd felt him clean thirty-seven wounds on her legs and kissed her skin more than once. Her heart thudded hard against her chest at that thought. He'd kissed her. Tenderly. Almost reverently. Deep down inside it had touched her to see so strong a beast, so proud a man humbling himself, risking everything so he could kiss her. She wondered what he'd look like if she let him kiss her properly. 

Looking down at her legs she frowned, the wounds seemed so small now but they still felt like gaping holes in her soul, ones that wouldn't heal by his vampire abilities. Ones that would only heal with time. 

She moved her eyes back to rest on him as he sighed, his eyes closed and his body relaxed as he smacked his lips together quietly, sleepily. 

Buffy watched her hand as it reached out towards him, her eyes locked on the tiny stain of crimson on his lower lip. Running her finger shakily over it, she let the corners of her lips twitch into a smile as she continued to stare blankly at his face. 

"Mine." She mumbled as she looked at the blood on his lips and now on her finger. 

"Yeah…" Spike replied lazily as he fluttered his eyes open and saw her finger near his mouth, a smear of red staining it. 

Craning his neck so he was looking up at her, he smiled as he found her looking back at him with eyes that almost spoke words straight into his head and he found William waiting to decipher them. 

He pushed him back down inside and forced the sleep out of his body as he sat up. 

She looked tired. Her skin was still paler than it used to be and her face still solemn when he compared it to how she usually looked around him. 

"Get some kip, I'll stay awake." He watched her eyes widen as he got off the bed and walked around it towards the door. "No fretting. Just got to lock the door. Make sure we're both safe." 

When he turned around from locking the door he found Buffy had moved across to the right side of the bed and was watching him. He had to admit it was nice seeing her a little more alert but he knew that at any moment she could slip away again, draw herself back inside and put the barriers back up around herself. 

Sitting down next to her, he grabbed hold of the blanket he'd placed on the bed earlier and unfolded it, placing it gently over the length of her body and watching her curl up underneath it. 

He sighed as he let his back rest against the headboard. He could feel the sun outside, the daylight hours lulling him into sleep but he gradually pushed the tiredness out of his body. It wasn't hard to do when he looked down at the girl who had curled up near him, her head resting close to his arm. He gently moved it, letting his elbow rest just above her head and his hand play against her back where the blanket covered her shoulders. 

He'd protect her. 

With his life if he had to. 

Spike unlocked the cage door and let William out. 

She was an angel. 

Precious. 

Beautiful. 

Angel. 


	6. Truths

**"What are you reading?"**

A quiet voice broke into Spike's thoughts. 

He looked up from the pages of his book and cocked his head to one side as he found Buffy watching him, a tiny frown wrinkling her nose. She'd been sleeping for what seemed like days and he hadn't expected her to wake anytime soon, the physical and mental exhaustion had clearly taken a heavy toll on her. 

He smiled slightly. 

It was nice, almost relieving, to see her slowly getting back to normal. Her face and body language as she sat watching him were almost childlike; her knees hugged against her chest as she rested her chin on top of them and looked at him. He could see she was still tired, the lack of food and emotional drain still making her low on energy. 

But still, it was nice to finally hear her voice again. 

"Silas Marner." Spike replied and held his book up with the cover facing her, as if showing her would answer the questions he knew it was going to raise. 

He wished it would raise questions from her, that seeing him reading would give her ammunition to tease him and therefore talk some more. He didn't want to see her close up again. Over the past two days, she'd been mostly sleeping but the small amount of time she had been awake had seen her varying between alert and withdrawn. Her constant switching of mindsets had been causing him concern but each time she withdrew back into her shell she seemed to be spending less time there before becoming alert again-it was progress, he supposed. 

"Sounds very dull." Buffy hugged her knees a little tighter as a sudden chill swept over her and she found herself wanting to ask him to come closer. 

He was sitting in the corner of the room, leaning back in a chair as his feet rested on another one he had drawn near to him. 

The distance between them seemed like a vast and treacherous ocean to her. 

She hugged her knees a little tighter and closed her eyes. 

Spike frowned as she sighed. He could almost see her slipping away again. Standing up, he walked over to the bed and sat down next to her, resuming the position he'd spent most of the day in while she'd been sleeping peacefully. 

He'd watched her. 

Her round cheeks and sweet lips softened by her slumber, and her golden hair spread softly across the pillow. 

Those same cheeks and lips that were now pale from fatigue again. 

"Hungry?" He leant forwards slightly so he could look at her face. 

She shook her head. 

He knew she was hungry. He had listened to her stomach growling louder than he ever could. 

"Thirsty then?" Spike tried again. During her long sleep he'd managed to grab hold of one of his still loyal minions and ordered him to bring pig's blood and human food, along with some drinks. 

Pig's blood. 

The short stocky minion had looked at him like he was insane but he couldn't bring himself to feed on human blood-not while he was looking after Buffy. 

He was definitely done for now; even loyal minions had a habit of spreading gossip behind their master's backs. Word would be out that Spike, master vampire, was holed up in his room with a half-insane Slayer and was asking for bagged blood. By the time he finally left the lair, his reputation would be deader than he was. 

He raised his brows as Buffy opened her eyes and met his. A jolt ran along every nerve in his body as her pupils narrowed on his. 

She nodded. 

Spike found himself smiling wide at her as a feeling somewhere near elation swept through him. He checked himself and casually grabbed a bottle of water off the side table. Unscrewing the cap, he arched a brow at the drink as if it were bitter poison to himself and then held it out to her. 

"Small sips, love…don't want you drowning yourself or choking now, do we?" He realised before he finished the sentence that he sounded like a complete nonce. Talking to her like that when she was distant and dreamy had been acceptable but speaking to her that way when she was almost her normal self was going to get him laughed at. 

She didn't laugh. 

She smiled warmly and took the bottle from him, her fingers slightly brushing against his as she grasped it firmly. 

Buffy stared at her hand for a moment before taking a sip of the water. Her fingers seemed to hum where his had touched them and it didn't bother her like it should have. 

Keeping hold of her water, she looked down at the book Spike was still holding in one hand, his finger serving as a bookmark as he attended to her needs. She cocked her head to one side as she looked at the cover. It had the kind of one that said it was old-another literary classic that she'd never heard of but he had. 

Spike looked down at her bare legs, the wounds on them starting to heal thanks to his vampire ability and her built in Slayer healing. 

Placing his book down face first on the side table so he wouldn't lose his page, he stood up and walked over to the clothing he'd gathered up for her while she'd been sleeping. He turned and looked back at her-she was staring at her toes, her eyes distant once more. Grabbing a pair of black combats off the pile of clothes, he held them up for inspection and shrugged. They were going to be about three sizes too big for her and wouldn't go with his red shirt, but they were the best he had to offer. 

He took them over to Buffy where she was continuing to stare at her feet in a semi-catatonic state. Sitting down next to her he looked at her legs and thought about how he was going to get her into the trousers now that she was out of her head again. 

"Buffy…love…" He cocked his head to one side as he leant over, looking up into her face. 

It was a mask of emptiness. 

He tensed his jaw and frowned, the feeling of having lost her again making him ache inside and wonder if she was ever going to be the same again. 

"Buffy?" Spike whispered and reached out tentatively to touch her knee. 

She didn't move. 

Her eyes remained fixed on her feet. 

He gingerly brushed his fingers against her knee and let his eyes close slightly as her skin warmed his. 

He shook her knee gently. 

"Buffy?" 

She was definitely gone again. 

Taking the bottle of water from her hand, he placed it down on the small table beside her and watched her hand fall lax against her knee. 

"Let's get you decent…not going to hurt you." He didn't know why he was continuing to tell her that; he knew that she trusted him to touch her but part of him didn't trust himself. After allowing himself to kiss her soft bronzed skin while tending to her wounds, he'd fallen down a slippery slope that had led to watching her sleep and stroking her hair, and from there to just wanting to be in contact with her-to touch her hand, to feel her warm skin against his. 

To be on the receiving end of her pretty smile. 

Carefully lifting each of her feet, he placed them into the legs of the combat trousers and eased them up until he reached her bent knee. He slowly straightened her legs out and pulled the trousers up to her thighs. As his fingers brushed against them, he inhaled deeply, savouring the way his skin hummed when it touched hers. 

He frowned. 

Now came the tricky part. 

No matter how much she trusted him in her half conscious state, he knew she would kill him if he merely brushed his hands against her backside by accident. 

"Lend a hand, Buffy…be a love…" Spike searched her eyes but they remained fixed on nothingness. "Then don't sodding kill me when I'm done. It's your own fault for not being very helpful." 

Spike took a deep breath and swallowed it hard, cursing himself for losing the fraction of control he had over his temper. 

Shimmying the combat trousers under her backside, he rolled his eyes closed as his thumbs brushed against her satin panties and his mouth turned dry as he tried to swallow again. Concentrating wholly on the feeling of her smooth warm bottom against his hands, he listened intently to her heartbeat as it echoed around his ears. A slow steady thumping that sent a jolt through him with each beat, a pulse of anticipation and desire. 

Finally getting them up to her waist, he hurriedly zipped them up and buttoned them before walking as far away from her as possible without leaving the room. He ran his fingers over his hair while taking long deep breaths to steady himself. 

He looked down at his hands. 

They echoed with the feeling of her. 

"Bollocks." Spike growled and clenched his fists, wanting nothing more than to take out his frustration on the wall, the furniture-anything. But he couldn't do it. He knew that if he made the slightest violent motion he would scare her even in her dazed state. 

He couldn't do that. 

He turned to look at her. She was still staring blankly at the end of the bed. Walking over to the side table next to the bed, he picked up his book and sat down next to her, leaning his back against the headboard as he started reading again. 

Buffy blinked. 

Her eyes felt sore. Dry. Unresponsive. 

She frowned. 

Slowly looking around the room she paused on every dark corner, wanting to see if the shadows moved or if there was anything there waiting for her. Nothing. 

She moved her eyes slowly back to the bed, tracing the worn patterns on the patchy cover and stopping when she reached her feet. 

She was wearing trousers. 

Black combats that looked about five sizes too big to be hers. She inhaled slowly. 

Spike. 

Turning her head to look at him she found him laying next to her, stretched out on his back with his eyes closed and his hands clasped over his stomach like a dead person in a coffin. 

She looked at them and then at his stomach. He wasn't breathing but somehow that didn't bother her like it had with Angel. She accepted that Spike was a vampire-a demon. He didn't try to be human; it just seemed to plague him, and in sleep he finally showed the most noticeable trait of the undead-lack of breathing. 

Her eyes narrowed on his chest, trying to discern any tiny movement that could be construed as breathing. She knew it was a reflex while he was awake, a memory of how his body used to function that his brain hadn't let slip away. She figured that it also helped vampires fit in while roaming the outside world-if they breathed then they passed for human in most eyes. 

But in hers, he would always be a vampire. No matter how hard he tried to hide it from the world, he couldn't hide it from her. 

Feeling inexplicably drawn to him, she found herself ghost caressing his hands and then moving them up to his chest and from there, she weaved a trail up to his lips. She remembered them stained with her blood, a contented smile on his face as he gave over to the feeling that her strong blood induced in him. She smiled. 

Cocking her head to one side, she drew her hand away as he twitched, his hands making sharp frantic movements as though he was being attacked. 

"Blood…wet…slipping…" He swatted at something as his brows knit into a frown. Buffy's look turned curious-she never realised vampires could dream. "Drown in you…love…Buffy…Buffy? Buffy!" 

Spike shot up in bed, his breathing coming fast and his eyes wide with fright. He stared at the far wall as he panted hard, desperately trying to catch his breath. 

Buffy touched his shoulder. 

He jumped and in a lightning fast movement turned to face her. 

"Jesus…" Spike heaved a long sigh as his breathing came under control, the sight of her watching him enough to force some composure about him. 

She frowned, wanting nothing more than to ask him what he'd been seeing and why he'd sounded so panicked when he was calling her name loud enough to wake every minion within a mile radius. 

"…Scared me, love." He smiled shakily and she knew that there was a double meaning to that statement-she hadn't just scared him in reality, she'd scared him in his sleep too. 

Buffy edged towards him. An overwhelming desire to comfort him flooded her veins as she locked eyes with him. Reaching her hand out she hooked it around the back of his head and drew him down to her neck, cradling him roughly against her as she closed her eyes. 

Spike breathed in deeply, the warmth of her body calming him as her blood called to him and he felt something deeper happening between them. She was offering him comfort, trying to soothe him after his nightmare and she seemed to be perfectly aware of what she was doing. 

Nuzzling her neck, he closed his eyes as he sighed away the lingering images of his dream. He'd been running in the halls of the lair trying to find her, could hear her screaming and her heart beating loudly in his ears as the pain she was feeling echoed through his body. He shuddered. 

Buffy let her cheek rest against his as she ran her fingers in circles on his back. Blinking languidly she realised what she was doing, how she was holding his head against her neck and the danger of the position she was in. She felt her heartbeat pick up as she slowly moved her cheek away from his. 

"Spike…" 

The sound of his name pronounced so shakily on her lips was enough to bring Spike out of his reverie. He sat back and looked into her eyes, they were bright and watching him closely but he could still see a lingering edge of pain in them. 

"Love?" Spike tilted his head to one side and smiled slightly, hoping silently that she would stay a while this time before slipping back into her daze. 

"What you said…about me…about Giles." 

Spike frowned as he tried to piece together what she was saying. Running over the past few days, he searched for something he'd said that matched up with what she was asking. 

He raised a brow as it came to him. 

"About Slayers?" 

She nodded. 

"Hardly a nice bed-time story, pet, much as I'd love to tell you I don't really think it's my place…the Council…" 

"Won't tell me." Buffy cut in and Spike frowned for a split second as he recognised the sharp tone of her voice-she was definitely feeling a little more like her old self. 

"Fine. Don't go blaming me when you don't like what you hear." 

Buffy paused for a moment as she considered asking Spike not to tell her, his warning about her not liking what he had to say had been enough to put a small seed of doubt into her head. She took a deep breath and met his eyes. 

"Tell me." 

Spike shifted into a more comfortable position on the bed and looked deep into her eyes, they were sparkling defiantly again and he almost smiled at seeing her so near to normal. 

"I read this, once, in a book kept deep in the lower recesses of the Council of Watchers offices…was there looking for some book to aid my latest scheme or possibly to help heal Dru…can't remember now. There was this book, or books even…kept locked in this little cage right at the back of the room. Thick with dust. Couldn't resist taking a peek, you know? See something all locked away it just piques your interest." 

Buffy nodded again and hugged her knees as the uneasy feeling in her stomach worsened-if the Council had kept them locked up and shut away from the world then they were probably there for a good reason. She got the feeling that the cage would be the kind of area that only Quentin Travers and a selected few would have access to. 

"Broke the lock…locks actually…several of them, each as big as my fist. Heavy doors too, thick iron bars that no one would be able to cut through without a little magic. I remember seeing this book, big, heavy, locked tight with a clasp and old-fashioned padlock. Took it off the shelf and blew the dust off the cover. Wasn't in English, bloody Sumerian as usual. God knows why all books that are old have to be written in that sodding language." 

She raised her brows and gave him a look that said to get on with it. 

Spike arched a brow. 

"My story…like to set the scene." He frowned and looked down at the bed covers as his expression turned pensive. "Where was I?" 

"Sumerian." Buffy stated flatly, resisting the sudden urge to smile at the thoughtful look that flitted across his face. 

"Sumerian." He repeated with a sigh. "Anyway. Couldn't resist reading it there and then, had a few hours until sunrise. It was about Slayers, the first Slayer." 

"I've seen her before. I think…I've had dreams…visions I guess, and she was in them." 

Spike smiled at how she sounded so like her normal self, her voice laced with intrigue and heavy with thought. 

"It told of demons, how they ruled the earth long before the age of man. Following the demons came the men and three of these men found a girl, a girl to fight the demons." He raised his eyes to meet hers again as she blinked. When he was satisfied that his proceeding wasn't going to shock her he continued. "They took the girl and chained her to the earth, connected her to it, physically. Then they…they…" 

"They what, Spike?" She frowned as a shiver ran up her spine, part of her wanting to know how the first Slayer was made and part of her not wanting to know. 

"Took the girl…and gave her a heart." 

"A heart?" 

"Of a demon." He said quietly, almost hoping that she wouldn't hear it so she didn't get upset. 

Buffy shook her head as her eyes grew wide. She remembered Spike saying that she belonged in the night with the demons and him. "No." 

"Apparently, it was the only way they knew to make her strong enough to fight the demons for them. They gave her the heart of one, the power of a demon." Spike fought the desire to reach out and comfort her as he watched her place her hand over her breastbone. 

"They…no…Giles would've told me…no…" She shook her head firmly. 

"I'm not sure your watcher knows, love…this book was pretty well hidden, intentionally forgotten about. The men used the girl, made her fight for them…and tied her to the world so she would always be there to protect it, in one form or another." 

"They used her…hid behind a girl who they played with…" She swallowed hard as she thought about what he'd said. Her eyes fell to rest on the bed and the gap between her and Spike. "They made her part demon…my abilities…the healing, the senses, the strength…all demon…" 

"Probably vampire." Spike said nonchalantly and then instantly regretted it when her head shot up and her eyes met his, they were wide with shock. 

"Oh god…how could they?" She pressed one hand against her mouth as the other clutched her chest. Suddenly her attempts to lead a normal life really did seem completely redundant. She could never be a normal girl when she was partly demon. 

"I'm sure you're not at all demonic, love…what they did, they did to the first Slayer, not you. You just carry the essence of her and all the Slayers before you…you're human, register as human to me…" He started to wish he'd told her she didn't want to know. He could see in her eyes that she was panicking deep down inside, her pupils dilated as she stared deep into his eyes as if he could take it all back and make the hurt go away. 

Buffy tried to shrug it off but the revelation that she was part demon, even if it was only in essence, was too much to just ignore. 

Spike heaved a sigh and watched her as she looked around the room, her face heavy with thought as she moved her eyes from object to object. 

She had always had her suspicions about the Slayer line, but this was too much. To think that men created her-they experimented with an innocent girl in order to make a weapon, one that could defend them against the demons and she was the end result so far. A girl with the essence of a demon inside her; all her abilities that she had always depended upon had come from her demon side, the Slayer in her. 

Holding her stomach she frowned hard at the far wall as she tried to let it all sink in. It wasn't Spike's fault that they had done this to her, but she was holding him partly responsible. His warning echoed through her head again. He'd known she wouldn't like what she was going to hear, he'd warned her that it was going to be painful. 

Now that she knew about her origins she found she couldn't ignore them, before had seemed so uncomplicated-she hadn't really questioned where her power had come from, she'd just used it. She was part demon. Her powers linked her to the other demons and the night. Spike was right-the powers she had matched those of a vampire, of him. The men must have given the girl the heart of a vampire. 

She swallowed hard, suddenly wanting to be away from Spike and anything resembling a demon. 

Her heart ached. 

She gave a sideward glance to Spike. He was watching her with concern shining in his clear blue eyes and it only made her ache inside even more. Deep down she felt a tug, a desire to stay by his side no matter how wrong it felt. 

"I was wrong…" Spike said quietly as he met her eyes again and saw the struggle within her. His arms ached to hold her tight against him and comfort her. The time he'd spent with her had only made it painfully clear to him just how wrong he'd been about his own motives for helping her recover. Now that he had finally admitted to them and she was recovered, there was nothing more he could do but accede defeat. As much as he wanted her, as much as he wanted to be with her, he could never make her his-it was down to her to choose him. 

"Wrong?" 

"It was wrong of me, it was wrong…you were right, no one owns you, not me, not Angel, not anyone. You need someone who can match you, not master you. Someone who can be there for you when you need them…someone who knows you." Spike gave her a half smile as she frowned at him. "I'll go…away. I'll leave town, go to LA or New York, somewhere that I won't be under your feet and you'll forget about what happened here…figured I've outstayed my welcome in SunnyD. Don't want to meet a dusty ending…not at your hands. You can go…I'll take you home as soon as it gets dark." 

Standing up he gave one last look to her before turning and walking out of the door. 

Buffy stared blankly at the door as it closed, a sudden coldness filling the room as she listened to him pacing the hall just on the other side of the wall. She felt the tears in her eyes slip onto her cheeks and curled up on the bed, a weight of sadness pressing down on her heart. Somehow, she knew he wouldn't go far but she couldn't understand why he wouldn't stay in the room, why he'd felt the sudden need to put a distance between them. 

It dawned on her. 

He was doing it gently. 

Breaking the fragile thread that seemed to connect them now in phases, as though he was trying to lessen the pain of them parting and make it easier on them. 

She sighed into her knees and stared at the door as she reached out with her senses, feeling him there, motionless in the hall and probably staring at the door just like she was. 

Swallowing the confused emotions that whirled around inside her head and stomach, she wished it were dark already so she could leave and get away. The feeling of being so comfortable with Spike-knowing that it was all coming to an abrupt end-and the new knowledge about her Slayer origins, was making her head ache. 

Closing her eyes, she silently counted the seconds as they passed, each one bringing her closer to night fall and seeing her friends again. 

A weight of guilt added to that of her sadness and confusion. 

She hadn't thought about them at all during her confinement with Spike; the only person on her mind had been him. She wondered what they were doing. They would be panicked by her disappearance and she knew that they wouldn't have told her mother, she would be sitting at home oblivious to her daughter's MIA status. 

Spike leant against the wall and allowed his back to slide down it until he was sitting hunched up and balancing on his toes, his backside resting against the cold stone behind him. 

He couldn't explain what was happening to himself and in part, he didn't want to. When he'd walked out of the room, he'd felt drawn back to her as though there was an invisible string connecting them and he was trying to wander further than it would allow him. He sighed and lit up a cigarette, seeking solace in the comforting way it warmed his lungs and smoothed the tension from his body. 

If just leaving the room had been that hard then he dreaded to think how hard leaving her with her friends and heading to LA would be. It had to be done though-he could see that now. His futile attempts to be with her wouldn't work. She wouldn't accept them right now. She wasn't one to be mollycoddled and fussed over. He needed to leave her in order for her to get her head straight about the things he'd told her and her feelings for him, if she had any. 

He hoped she did. 

When he'd told her he couldn't know her because she didn't know herself, he knew he'd been right. She really didn't know herself and the power she held in her grasp. She didn't know because she couldn't accept who she was. He longed to lead her down the path that would allow her to see that the power she had was a blessing, not a terrible thing to be shunned like she always had. But she needed to be strong and discover it for herself. 

It was the only way. 

He would leave for LA and hopefully he'd see her again someday, and she'd finally know who she is and what she wanted. 

She'd finally accept what it meant to be the Slayer. 

Finally accept her true self. 

Closing his eyes, he took a long drag on his cigarette and let his arms hang limply as his elbows rested on his knees. He could feel the sun starting its slow, lazy decent from the sky. In a matter of hours, she'd be back safe with her friends and he'd be gone. 

It was the only way. 


	7. What's wrong with Buffy?

**Buffy stared at the dirty black dashboard in front of her, buildings whizzing by just barely visible out of the corner of her eye. She felt sick. The outside world seem different now, a cold hard place that she had no part in anymore.**

As the car stopped at a crossing, she watched the people in a little coffee shop as they talked and laughed, their carefree attitudes making her feel like she was being stabbed in the heart. She used to be like that. Long before she was chosen. 

Now things could never be that way again. 

She was irrevocably changed. 

Forever. 

She closed her eyes and heaved a long sigh. Something brushing against her leg made her open her eyes and she saw Spike's hand resting there, soothing away the pain in her heart and making the world seem a little less harsh. 

She knew he felt bad about telling her, but she couldn't hold it against him. In a small way it had already allowed her to take the first step towards accepting who she really was. She could never be normal and she saw that now, she'd been acting the fool for the past four years. 

It wasn't a job. 

It wasn't a task that she could just ignore like it was her homework. 

It was her destiny. 

She was the Slayer. 

She wasn't a normal girl. She had never been a normal girl. The way she saw it now was that she was chosen from birth, a potential that had been always destined to be a Slayer from the second she came into the world. This was her destiny and she had to accept it. 

It didn't mean that it didn't hurt, though; the knowledge that her power came from the demon world, that the Slayer in her wasn't as human as she had always thought it was. 

Staring down at the large hand that was resting on her thigh she swallowed down the tears that had started to form in her eyes. The thought of parting from Spike seemed more painful to her than the knowledge of what she really was. She couldn't be angry with him for telling her who she was, but she could certainly be angry with him for leaving her. 

She turned her head to look at him and found he was watching her. Letting her eyes meet his for a split second, she read the pain in his and then turned her head away from him and looked out of the window. 

Spike removed his hand as he suppressed the desire to sigh. He'd seen the tears in her eyes and knew that they weren't about what he'd told her-they were about what he was doing. 

Pressing his foot down on the accelerator, he turned left down the long road that led to Giles' apartment. 

Buffy listened to the breaks squeak slightly as the car stopped. She didn't want to look up. She could tell by the way the atmosphere inside his old Desoto had grown heavy that they were outside Giles' place. 

"Pet…" Spike turned slightly on the seat so he was facing her, his arm resting gently on the steering wheel as he reached out towards her with his other hand. He let it run lightly over her hair as she remained facing forwards, her body rigid and her eyes fixed on the end of the bonnet. "…Buffy?" 

She let her eyes fall to rest on her hands where they were sitting in her lap. 

"Spike?" The sound of her voice shocked her; she sounded so frail and shaky. A week ago she wouldn't have been like this, she would have gotten straight out of the car and left him there to deal with whatever was happening between them. She would've dealt with her emotions swiftly and returned to her life. A good night's patrol would have been all she needed to get past this feeling inside her. 

It was wrong. 

She knew that deep inside but it didn't seem to make a difference to her heart. It seemed to ignore all reason and tell her that his leaving was a bad thing. 

A very bad thing. 

She felt like she couldn't breathe as his fingers brushed against her shoulder-she could feel them through the material of his shirt. Part of her couldn't believe that he hadn't asked for it back, he was letting her keep it and she felt that in a way she was keeping a part of him. She swallowed hard to force the tears back down. 

She couldn't cry. 

If she cried then that meant she had accepted her feelings for him, whatever they were, and that his leaving was actually hurting her. 

If she didn't cry, then she didn't care that he was going. 

She didn't care. 

Spike frowned as a single tear fell from her lashes, bounced off her cheek and made a small dark spot on the red shirt she was wearing. He could see her struggling to contain her emotions. He could feel it-the turmoil, the pain, and the hurt. He could feel it like it was his own. 

"I have to go." She said with quiet resolution and felt his hand slip from her shoulder. 

"I know." Spike watched her fingers as they slowly opened the door. "Buffy…" 

"Yes?" She turned her head to face him, her expression cold and clinical as she met his eyes. 

"I don't know what to say." Spike blinked at her. 

"Neither do I." 

"I never meant…I'm sorry I did that to you…sorry I left you when I shouldn't have…sorry really doesn't cover it, does it?" 

"I don't think it does…" She smiled, putting on a brave face and hiding the conflict inside her as she tried to sound like she used to. "…Still…it could've been worse. You could've killed me." 

Spike felt the words stab him in the heart, part of him wishing she'd just staked him instead, because the way she'd said it had sounded so cold that his hope of her feeling anything towards him had shattered. 

"Guess I could've…" He smirked at her to cover the pain and watched her get out of the car. 

Buffy closed her eyes and let her head hang forwards as she built up the strength to shut the car door. 

It seemed so final. 

A sudden end to whatever they'd had, killing it point blank before it had the time to turn into anything significant. Nothing more than a passing fancy, a fleeting moment of togetherness. 

She looked at the car and her hand where it still held the door. 

To close it now was like snapping the fragile bond between them. 

Her fingers trembled, her whole being aching to be back with him, to get in the car and just tell him to shut up and drive, to take her with him wherever he was going. 

Instead, she shut the door. 

Listened to the engine rev into life. 

Watched him drive away. 

She didn't move until she couldn't see him anymore. 

Then she stayed staring in the direction he'd gone until she got too cold to stand outside. 

Walking into the courtyard of Giles' apartment, she wrapped her arms about herself. 

She felt cold. 

Weak. 

Alone. 

She stared blankly at the door to Giles' place, the little windows illuminated by warm light. It should have been a comforting sight, but it wasn't; it filled her with a strange dread that made her want to run back to the road and after Spike. She moved slowly forwards, taking small steps that seemed ever increasingly hard. With every movement towards the door, she felt like she was growing colder, emptier, until she reached it and she felt like a void again. She knocked quietly, part of her hoping that no one would hear her and she could just disappear again. She knew there were going to be questions, ones that she didn't want to answer because her friends would draw conclusions that she wouldn't be able to counter. 

The door swung open. 

She stared blankly ahead as a pair of arms were flung around her and held her tightly. 

"Buffy!" Willow held her friend as she breathed a long sigh of relief-it had been almost two weeks since she'd disappeared. 

"Buffy?" Giles' voice sounded from inside and she closed her eyes, letting her tears slide down her cheeks as her heart ached over what Spike had told her. 

Finding herself being led into the living room, she frowned at the brightness of it. It made the world seem harder when it was lit so harshly and she longed for the low light of Spike's bedroom. She moved slowly around the room and dimmed all the lights, ignoring the way her friends watched her with confusion reigning on their faces. 

She looked at them all as they stood opposite her, the couches acting like a great divide as she stood on the other side of the room. They seemed different now, all of them so much weaker in her eyes and none of them knowing what to say to her. 

Buffy looked down at her clothes and sighed. She could still smell him all over them, his aftershave and cigarette smoke offering her small comfort. 

"What happened?" Willow came forwards a few steps, tentatively bridging the gap between Buffy and her friends. 

"I…" She didn't know what to tell them. She couldn't mention Spike or they would go after him. She had to buy him time to get away to LA, or wherever he was heading. "I don't remember much…I fell down a hole while running from a vampire…think I bumped my head." 

She could see in their eyes that they weren't buying her story, they were all looking down at her clothes and then at each other. 

"I'll get you some tea, it'll make you feel better." Willow smiled warmly and looked over at Giles. He returned her smile and walked around into the kitchen. 

"I really don't remember much…I remember something, though…" Buffy watched Giles' back closely as he filled the kettle. "About Slayers and three men…and a demons heart." 

The sudden rigidity of Giles' shoulders told her everything she needed to know-he had known about how the first Slayer was made but he hadn't told her. Her heart sank a little further. 

Xander frowned. "Demon heart?" 

"I…I think we should let her rest…she's clearly been through a great ordeal of sorts…" Giles' cleaned his glasses vigorously as he walked back into the room. "We're just glad to have you back." 

"Did you tell mom?" Buffy watched their faces, their concerned expressions unwavering as they all shook their heads. "I didn't think you would." 

"I told her you were busy with classes and Slayer stuff. I covered for you with the tutors. Sit…" Willow took hold of Buffy's hand and led her to the couch. "You look so pale…you okay, Buffy?" 

Buffy nodded, even as her heart ached. 

"I'll be fine." She forced a smile and saw some of the concern lift from Willows face. "Just need a little time." 

Willow frowned as she watched Buffy scratching her wrists as she looked up at the rest of the gang. Looking closely, she could see bruising and red marks hidden beneath the cuffs of the shirt she was wearing. A shirt that seemed vaguely familiar. 

Buffy gave Willow a cold look as she met her eyes and then smiled at her. She watched her friend quickly stand and move to the kitchen. 

Heaving a long sigh she rolled her shirt sleeves up and revealed the marks to her friends, showing them the reason behind why she didn't want to talk about where she'd been. 

Xander looked down at the sores that ran around her wrists. "Jesus, Buffy…what happened?" 

"Vampires…chained me up…they…they tried…" She turned her head to the side and closed her eyes as she remembered the vampires surrounding her, trying to hold her down as one of them forced her knees apart. "I can't…" 

Standing up sharply she walked out of the room and into the cold night air of the courtyard. 

Willow gave Xander an angry look and carried the mug of tea out to Buffy. 

She watched as her friend paced around the small fountain, she had her hands hidden inside the shirtsleeves, one of them holding her side as the other was pressed against her mouth. Willow took a step towards her and gave her a small smile as she stopped and looked at her. 

"Brought you some tea." She said gently, and then held it up so Buffy could see it in the darkness. 

Buffy relinquished the comforting feeling that the lingering scent of Spike on her shirt gave her and dropped her arms. 

"Thanks." She took the mug from Willow and breathed in the hot steam, seeking comfort where there was none. 

The empty feeling inside her wasn't going away-in fact, it felt like it was rapidly getting worse. 

"You don't have to tell us where you've been, we're just glad to have you back in one piece." Willow sat down on the edge of the fountain and watched Buffy as she paced with her mug of tea, her head thrown backwards and her eyes scanning the heavens. 

She was wondering whereabouts Spike was. 

She sighed. 

Wherever he was it felt like he was a million miles away. 

"You okay?" 

Buffy looked down to find a concerned Willow looking up at her. 

"Yeah…just got a lot to think about…to understand." 

"Huh?" Willow let a frown wrinkle her nose as she watched Buffy sit down next to her and sip her tea. 

"Slayer stuff." Buffy said quietly and stared at the topiary opposite her. 

Spike had been right, she had never accepted who she was and now that she had waited so long to finally come to terms with what being a Slayer meant it seemed all the harder. 

She was a Slayer, rooted to the earth and linked to the demon world no matter how much she didn't like it. Her power was in the darkness. She looked up at the sky, the moon shining brightly in the deep blue heavens above her. 

In the night. 

With the demons. 

With him. 

"Don't get too cold." Willow smiled at her and patted her knee before walking back into the apartment. 

Buffy sighed and looked down at her black combats. Her wounds were almost healed now, but the physical and emotional scars remained. Casting a glance around the empty courtyard, the shadows suddenly seemed ominous again and she frowned at them, the small bubble of fear growing inside her until she stood up and followed Willow. 

"It's late…you can all stay here tonight." Giles' announced as she walked in through the door and closed it behind her. 

"What day is it?" Buffy frowned as she realised that she hadn't even been bothered about what day it had been while she'd been in Spike's lair-they had all just melted together into one long day. 

"Friday, Buffy." Xander answered her and she raised her brows-at least it was the weekend. 

"Do try and get some sleep tonight." Giles' placed a hand on her shoulder and was surprised when she jumped slightly, her body jerking away from his touch as her brows knit together into a hard look. 

Buffy was surprised, too. She hadn't reacted that way when Willow had touched her. Her reaction to Giles' had seemed almost instinctive-like his touching her was wrong. 

"Sorry…" She smiled through her confusion and looked around the room to find all her friends watching her. "…Guess I'm more tired than I thought." 

Walking over to the couch, she sat down on it and stared down at her hands again, remembering how she'd felt when she'd been in the car with Spike and he'd placed his hand on her shoulder. It had been comforting, soothing. Giles' hand had felt wrong, like she was doing something bad by letting him do that to her. 

"Buffy?" Xander touched her hands as he tried to get her attention. 

Buffy snatched them away from him and curled up, frowning at him as she managed to stop herself from lashing out. 

"It's just me, Buff…you want a blanket?" He smiled at her and then looked over her shoulder at Giles. 

Giles looked pensive. Her reaction to being touched was worrying him. She seemed to do it automatically, as though it was a natural reaction for her to have to being touched. He watched closely as Willow sat down next to Buffy and put a blanket over her friend's lap and then smoothed her hair behind her ear. She didn't jump; she just smiled warmly at Willow. 

Looking over at his books, he searched the spines for one that could possibly enlighten him and then relented. She had clearly been through a lot during her absence and he didn't know anything of it, the chances were that this was a reaction left over from being chained up and she would gradually get over it. 

He hoped. 


	8. Empathy

**Buffy woke sharply, her heart pounding sickeningly fast in her throat as she panted hard. She pressed her hand against her chest and furrowed her brows as she looked around the room at her sleeping friends. Her fingers clutched at the red material of the shirt as she fought the overwhelming desire to run out of the apartment. The pull was strong and the only thing stopping her was the fact that she wasn't sure where she was meant to run to.**

Swinging her legs around she sat up and looked down at her friend's faces, they all seemed so innocent. So human and weak. 

She shook her head to rid it of the thought. 

They were her friends; they had stood by her through apocalypses and fought by her side. They were strong, brave. 

Weak. 

She shook her head again and stood up fast, wrapping the blanket around herself as she walked into the kitchen. 

Pouring herself a cup of tea, she kept her eyes fixed on the stairs that led up to Giles' bedroom. He was weak too, weaker than her friends could ever be. 

Buffy frowned hard and pulled the blanket tighter around herself. She swallowed noisily as she tried to fathom what was wrong with her. Taking her mug with her, she walked out into the still morning air and sat down by the fountain. 

Humans were weak. She knew it was the Slayer side of her speaking, the demonically enhanced part of her that took over during her battles. 

She wasn't human. 

She never had been, she knew that now. Always destined to be chosen she was the strongest out of all the candidates, thousands of girls the world over living their lives as a potential and she was chosen. 

She was powerful. 

Strong. 

Spike had told her that she was the strongest Slayer he'd ever encountered and he'd met a few in his time. He'd never seen one like her and if she only realised her true power she would be unstoppable. 

She flexed her fingers and watched the muscles and tendons dance in her arm. 

She was the Slayer. 

Would be the Slayer until she died. 

She was linked to the demons, chosen to save the world for the sake of mankind, no matter how bad the odds were against her. 

Buffy smiled, a small knowing smile that an onlooker would've easily seen was all about realisation. 

She was human, superhuman. The demon essence they put into the first Slayer wasn't in her. The Slayer line had evolved and integrated the power the demon world gave her into their natural abilities. If she still had the heart of a demon then she would've been immortal, like Spike, but she wasn't-she was as weak as a human if caught or injured. Her power was in her senses and her strength, not in her heart. 

Her heart was a fragile as a humans. 

It broke. 

It bled. 

It ached. 

She clutched her chest again and sighed. God did it ache. 

A shuffling noise caught her attention and she turned her head to find Giles watching her-his sleep mussed hair, plaid dressing gown and grey slippers making her lips twitch into an amused smile. 

"Morning." Giles squinted up at the sky, the dawn chorus of birds heralding the coming day even though the sky was still dark. 

"Hey." Buffy replied and sipped her tea; part of her relieved that she was no longer thinking he was weak and human. The ache inside her grew worse and she pulled a face of discomfort. 

"Anything wrong?" 

"Nothing…" She said a little too quickly and then tried to smile. "…I just…feel a little off. Like I need to be somewhere but I don't know where. Must be all the things I was supposed to do last week plaguing me…or something." 

"Yes, or something." Giles replied and looked over his shoulder into the room where Willow and Xander were waking. "Breakfast?" 

Buffy nodded, her stomach rumbling as she realised that she hadn't eaten in a few days-the last thing she'd had was some junk food that one of Spike's minions had bought for her. 

Spike. 

When she thought about him the ache seemed to subside a little. 

She shrugged her shoulders and followed Giles back into the apartment. 

"Mind if I use your bathroom? Just…vamps don't really have much in the way of showers." Buffy smiled as Giles nodded at her. 

Listening to Buffy humming in the shower, Willow rifled through the training bag that Buffy had left with her the night before she'd disappeared and pulled out a pair of dark grey sweatpants and a small white spaghetti strap top. She walked down the hall to the bathroom and knocked on the door before pushing it open. 

She froze. 

Her eyes immediately drawn to Buffy's legs as she grasped the small towel to her upper half. 

Buffy blinked. 

"God, Buffy…" Willow couldn't take her eyes off the long marks on her friend's legs. They were clearly claw marks; she looked as though she'd been attacked by a wildcat. 

"Willow…" Buffy started and furrowed her brows, a sudden feeling of dirtiness overcoming her and making her want to hide away from her friend. 

"Sorry…just…" 

"What's happening?" Xander appeared behind Willow and Buffy clung desperately to the towel as she backed away from the door. 

Her heart pounded hard against her ribs as she felt the sudden need to escape, to run far away from the prying eyes of people and be alone. 

"Xander, get out!" Willow pushed him backwards until he went back into the living room. Turning around she walked into the bathroom and held the clothes out to Buffy. "I'm sorry, I just came to give you these." 

There was something in the way Buffy looked at her that scared her. Normally twinkling green eyes looked at her with a hardness that resembled a feral animal that had been backed into a corner. 

She slowly put the clothes down on the floor and backed out of the room, not wanting to disturb Buffy any further than she already had. 

"Something's very wrong." Willow said to Giles as she paced the living room. It had been over twenty minutes since she'd left Buffy alone and her friend hadn't come out of the bathroom. "The way she was acting Giles, like some wild creature, that wasn't Buffy." 

"She's clearly been through a lot." Giles replied calmly and gave her a sympathetic smile. "We must give her time. I'm sure she will tell us everything we need to know soon enough." 

"And what was with the touching yesterday?" Xander chimed in and pressed his fingers against his mouth thoughtfully. 

Giles looked pensive as he thought about what Xander had said, part of him distressed that he had noticed Buffy's reaction, too, but hadn't said anything. 

"She acted like us touching her…" Xander continued but was cut off by Giles. 

"Was wrong…I believe she was acting on instinct. Willow's touching was acceptable, but our offer of comfort was seen as a terrible act." 

"She had claw marks." Willow said quietly as she stared at the floor blankly. "On her legs…arms…claw marks, Giles…like she'd been attacked, tortured…who'd do such a thing?" 

"I don't know." 

The bathroom door swung open and all three of them turned to look at Buffy where she was slowly emerging. 

"Hey…" She said as she buttoned up the red shirt she'd put on over her white top. 

Willow watched her closely as she raised her head up and smiled, there was no sign of the girl she'd seen in the bathroom-in front of her was the Buffy she used to know. 

"Buffy…" Giles took a step towards her as she stood in the archway by the kitchen. 

Buffy wobbled slightly and wrapped her arms around herself as her body trembled, a sting of pain arcing through her. She fought for breath as the pain grew stronger until it felt like it was searing through her body. Frowning hard, she screwed her eyes shut and swallowed, trying to ignore the feeling of being pulled in all directions at once and concentrating on remaining standing. 

"Buffy? What Willow saw…the marks…we need to know…who did this to you." 

Buffy swallowed hard again and dropped to her knees as the pain inside blinded her. She grasped at the floor as she curled up and then shot her head up as she felt a clear pull in one direction. Her eyes wide with shock over what was happening, she didn't see her friends in front of her, instead she was seeing the night Spike had cleaned up her legs and she had touched the blood on his lip. Her words rung in her head and the sound of her heart beating hard flooded her ears. _Mine_. 

"Spike." Buffy breathed and saw the shocked expression on her friend's faces. Jumping to her feet, she bolted out of the door. 

"Spike?" Willow looked confused and ran to the door. "Buffy!" 

"How could I have been so blind?" Giles closed his eyes as his dismissal of the way she'd reacted to being touched haunted him. "I hate to say this…whatever Spike did to her, I don't think he hurt her." 

"What?" Xander looked incredulous as Giles turned to face them. 

"He wouldn't hurt what he was bonded to. Her unwillingness to talk to us, the distant way she's been acting and the way she reacted to being touched by a male. All signs of a claim that I should've recognised. I think something happened to her, something that led to her relying on Spike to protect or look after her, and somehow…" 

"He claimed her?" Willow blinked in disbelief as she tried to take in what Giles was saying. "The scars on her legs, the marks on her wrists…what if this isn't about a claim…the way she reacted to me seeing them was almost as if she was ashamed of them, Giles…what if the vampires who had her tried to…" 

Giles closed his eyes as he realised what Willow was trying to say. "It could be a factor…we need to find her…she can't have gone far." 

Joyce placed the duster down as the phone rang. She picked up the mobile from the table and walked into the living room. 

"Hello?" 

"Mrs Summers?" Giles' voice rang down the phone and she stopped walking. 

"Mr Giles? There's nothing wrong, is there?" 

"Is Buffy there? She was here a moment ago but then she was gone, she left her training kit here." Giles tried to sound as normal as possible, but the incessant pacing of Willow was proving to be more than a distraction. 

"No…she hasn't been around in a…oh god!" Joyce pulled the curtains aside as her SUV screeched out of the drive. "My car!" 

"Your car?" 

"Someone just took my car…" 

"Buffy." Giles put the phone down and grabbed his keys off the rack, not waiting to see if the others were following before heading out of the door. 

Joyce stared at the phone in her hand as the reception went dead and then looked out the window at her empty driveway. 

"Buffy?" 

Buffy slammed her foot down on the accelerator as she passed the town boundary, her mothers SUV revving loudly as she desperately tried to make it go faster. Her heart raced as she stared at the road in front of her, keeping her focus wholly on getting to where she was going. 

Only she didn't know where she was going. 

All she had was a pull inside her that was acting like a compass, getting stronger or weaker depending on the direction she was heading in. 

And a sense of urgency that said wherever she was going, she had to get there fast. 

As pain seared through her again she screwed her face up and tried to swallow it down, to push it to the back of her mind and keep it there so she could concentrate on getting to Spike. 

"Spike." Buffy whispered as she gripped the steering wheel tighter with both hands. 

She knew what she was doing was crazy and she couldn't explain why she was risking life and limb to hunt him down but something said he was in trouble and that was all she needed to justify her actions. She couldn't let him get hurt. She had to find him. 

Whizzing down the interstate, she watched a sign fly past that told her she was heading towards Los Angeles. 

"You really went to LA…" She pressed her foot down harder on the accelerator and felt the engine kick into life. Soon the early morning traffic would start and she wouldn't be able to drive as fast as she was now, getting pulled over by the police wasn't going to help her save Spike. 

"Spike…where are you?" Buffy frowned at the empty road in front of her. 

A rush of images hitting her made Buffy slam her foot down on the brakes, the tyres of the SUV screeching as she span to a halt. 

She panted hard as she saw blurred jumbled scenes flitting across her eyes. The last one stuck in her head and made her stomach turn with hurt and anger. 

"Angel." 

Pulling the car back onto the interstate, she slammed her foot down on the gas. If Angel had Spike, there was no telling what would happen to him. Her wrists ached and her ankles hurt as she willed the car to go faster. She wasn't sure what she was feeling but it didn't feel like physical pain, it felt like an echo of pain. Spike's pain. 

She continued in silence as she passed sign after sign by the roadside, each one counting down the miles to LA. The sun was creeping high into the sky by the time she caught sight of it in the distance, the low lying buildings around its outskirts slowly growing in stature until they leapt up to the skyscrapers of downtown. Her body compass was still leading her but now she was ignoring it, she knew where to find Angel and that meant she knew where to find Spike. 

As she entered the boundary of the city, she felt the feeling inside her intensify. The desire to find Spike seemed to be spiralling out of control and she now felt it was verging on desperation. 

Ramping the SUV up onto the curb outside the hotel, she grabbed the keys and slammed the door as she hit the pavement running. She barged through the entrance and took the steps two at a time until she reached the first floor. 

She stopped. 

The feeling in her stomach seemed to be quieter and she knew she was heading in the wrong direction. 

Backtracking down the stairs, she ran to the end of the hall and pushed against the large heavy door as she tried the handle. It was locked. She pressed her palms against it and closed her eyes as she tried to reach out and see if he was there. 

A stab of pain in her stomach said he was and that was all she needed to drive her to a decision. Moving back a few steps, she shouldered the door hard and heard it creak, the metal straining against her as she struggled to break it down. Another attack on the door and the wooden frame surrounding it splintered and broke causing the door to fall open. 

Buffy held her shoulder and gave the door a dark look as she passed by. 

Moving slowly down the steps into the darkness, she fumbled for a light switch as her hands ran along the wall. When she succeeded in locating it, she flicked it on. Her eyes stung as the light bulb burst into life above her and illuminated the room in a sickly white light. 

"Spike?" Buffy let her senses guide her as she walked into the basement. A scratching noise in the corner drew her attention and she blinked. 

He was curled up, chains fettering his ankles and wrists. She could smell the acrid scent of blood hanging heavy in the air and could see the patches of it staining the floor. 

He growled. 

Buffy found herself making a quiet noise that seemed to soothe him and she felt like she was cooing to a baby, or an animal. 

Kneeling down next to him, she lowered her head until she could see his face. It was a mess of cuts and bruises. She reached her hand around and cupped his cheek lightly, drawing his head up so she could see the wounds more clearly. His eye was swollen, his lip split and an angry gash streaked across his temple and his forehead. 

She cooed as she brushed her fingers against his skin, letting them warm him and hoping he would know it was her. As a purr rumbled through his chest, she furrowed her brows, struggling against the overwhelming desire to cry as she remembered what her mother had told her about cats and how they purred when happy or when hurt. 

He was hurt. 

Badly. 

His clothes were torn, lacerations were visible through the holes in them and her senses were full of blood-his blood. He whimpered as she touched his chest and she felt the pain echo in hers. 

"Spike…" Buffy whispered and smoothed his hair as he finally opened his eyes and looked into hers, they were large and full of hurt. "…I'm getting you out of here." 

Grabbing hold of the chains that tied him to the wall, she tugged on them, pulling with all her might until she finally slumped forwards-tired from the effort. 

"I can't…" She let the tears slip onto her cheeks as she hung her head in resignation. "They're too strong." 

Feeling something shaky touching her, she opened her eyes to see Spike's hand resting on hers, his fingers grasping it tightly as she cried. She blinked, remembering what she'd been through and feeling angry that he was going through something so similar. Looking up into his eyes, she found the strength she needed as he tried to smile through the pain. 

Buffy knit her brows and stood up, grabbing hold of the chain in both of her hands and pressing her foot against the wall it was attached to. She grunted with effort as she pulled on the chain, her muscles bunching tightly as she leant backwards and ignored the pain ripping through her. She couldn't leave him tied up. She had to get him free and get him away from this place. 

As the chain broke free of the wall, she gave herself a moment to catch her breath before starting on the next one. 

Buffy looked down at the chains and then at Spike. She'd accomplished getting him free but she didn't know how to move him. She could see his injuries were severe and whatever Angel had done to him, it had been bad enough to drive him into an almost feral state of mind. Bending over, she caught hold of him under his arms and tried to help him to his feet. He wobbled and collapsed to the floor with her. He was too exhausted to move. 

Holding him tightly, she felt him weakly nuzzle her neck and she found herself drawing her hair aside so he could get closer to her. He growled quietly as she steadied him in her arms and guided his lips to her neck, willing to do anything to make him strong again so she could get him away from LA. Her heart pounded in her ears and it felt like it was trying to break free of her chest. Screwing her eyes shut, she cringed as his sharp teeth penetrated her skin, causing a stab of pain to arc along her nerves. She opened her eyes wide and gasped as he pulled on her blood, his arms slowly encircling her back as he tried to get closer to her. The feeling inside her was delicious. She felt almost delirious as he drank from her, and it was clear she was experiencing both his and her feelings at the same time. She could feel new energy coursing through her as his fingers dug into her flesh, his mouth latching on greedily to her neck as he sunk his teeth in deeper. 

Buffy closed her eyes and let her head fall backwards. 

Her breathing became laboured as she gave herself over to the feeling of delirium spreading through her. 

The sensation of Spike's fingers digging into her waist harder bought her back to reality and she gently pushed him backwards, intimating that it was time for him to stop. Her body trembled as he licked up her neck and nuzzled just below her ear with his nose. 

"Little at a time." Buffy whispered and ran her fingers through his hair. 

Spike pulled back and blinked at her as she smiled concernedly at him. She could sense he was still weak, but the Slayer enhanced blood flowing through his veins would soon start to help him heal, and that gave her a small comfort. 

A noise from up above them caused her to freeze. She frowned as she looked up at the light in the doorway and saw shadowy shapes moving across it, voices drifting down to her. 

"What the hell happened to the door?" 

Angel. 

Buffy let out a low growling noise as she looked from the stairs to Spike, his body bloodied and beaten, bones broken and bruised. 

Standing up she pulled the stake out of her waistband and looked down at Spike. He raised his eyes slowly to look into hers and she furrowed her brows at seeing them so dull and lifeless. 

Grasping the stake firmly in her hand, she took a deep breath. 

"Buffy?" A voice came from behind her and she turned slowly, her hair covering her eyes as she looked up at Angel. 

She growled. 

"Oh my god, Buffy?" Cordelia stepped out from behind Angel and raised her brows. 

Angel's eyes leapt from her face to the stake and then down to Spike. 

Spike growled. 

"Buffy?" Angel took a step towards her. 

"Angel, no!" Giles' out of breath voice rang down from up above them. 

"Giles?" Angel looked confused as he moved his eyes from Buffy up to Giles. 

Buffy flexed her fingers around the stake as she kept her eyes fixed on Angel. 

"Don't go near her. Let her go, Angel…" Giles walked down the stairs, his eyes locked on Angel the whole time. When he reached him, he moved his gaze to rest on Buffy. Her knuckles were white from the force with which she was grasping the stake in her fist. 

"Giles? What the hell is happening?" Angel gave him a confused look as he put his arm out in front of him and forced him to step away from Buffy. 

They watched her as she turned around and lifted Spike up, hooking his arm around her shoulders as she made him stand. Buffy gripped her stake tight in her other hand, her eyes cold as she stared at the people in the room and started towards the stairs. 

"She'll kill you if you try to stop her…she doesn't recognise us for who we really are…let her go." 

"Doesn't what? Why?" Angel watched her as she slowly walked past, her eyes never leaving them as she led Spike to the stairs. He swore her neck was wounded and the feeling in his stomach made his head spin with confusion-it was as though there was a strong connection he could feel between them. 

"There's no easy way to say this…she's protecting her mate and she clearly presumes you did this to him." 

"Spike? I'm a little confused…Spike and Buffy? How, why?" Angel looked sickened as Buffy paused and looked around at him. 

"We don't know the particulars, she was missing for almost two weeks and we believe something happened to her during her absence and then this. She left Sunnydale this morning, seemingly in a lot of pain, she stole her mothers car and came straight here." 

"Buffy?" Angel stepped towards her again as she reached the bottom step of the stairs that led out of the basement. She gave him a cold look and he tried to push away the pain that seeing her so close to Spike made him feel. "We didn't do this to him…we found him like this. There's a gang roaming the city that say they are delivering punishment to demons, that they are causing them the pain they cause others. Vigilantes did this, Buffy…we had to lock him down here for his own safety-so he didn't hurt us, or anyone. He would've got himself killed out there." 

Buffy just stared hard at him and frowned. 

"I'm afraid Spike's reversion to a feral state may be causing Buffy to revert to one too." 

"It's strong…I can feel it. The bond between them. She can feel it all, Giles…everything he's experiencing." Angel watched her slowly aiding Spike up the stairs, dragging the chains still bound to him along behind them. 

Giles made a mental note to research heavily into the effects of claims-Angel had piqued his interest with his new information about Buffy being able to feel what Spike was. 

"We'll follow her home, make sure she gets there safe. Once Spike starts healing mentally and comes out of his animal state then she'll go back to being Buffy again. We'll call if we need anything." Giles waited until Buffy reached the top step before following her. 

"Giles." Angel caught hold of his arm and stopped him. "She'll need these." 

Giles looked down at the small metal keys in his hands. 

"Don't let him hurt her." 

Giles put his hand over Angels and smiled. "Would never let it happen and I don't think she would either." 


	9. Safe house

**Buffy glanced over at Spike where he was covered by his leather duster and some blankets she'd found in the back of her mother's car. She could tell he was recovering, the wounds on his face were already starting to look better and she didn't feel so much pain anymore.**

Also, she wasn't acting like an animal. 

Part of her wished she'd read the book on vampires that Giles had always pushed her to. She was sure that if she'd read that, then all of this could have been so much easier to understand. She would have known that in saying what she had, she was claiming him, and she would have been prepared for just how deeply it affected her. 

Back in Angel's office she had felt wild, like a lioness trying to protect her injured mate from attack. She hadn't even recognised the people who were standing in front of her; she had just seen them as enemies that were going to attempt to hurt Spike further. 

Staring at the long stretch of road in front of her she was thankful that the sun had finally sunk behind the horizon and allowed her to pull a few of the coverings off Spike so she could see him. Being able to look at him and see his face was somehow reassuring to her, it made her feel safe and quieted the swirling of emotions in her stomach. 

She reached a hand out and stroked the backs of her fingers down his cheek. 

Spike murmured. 

He was still too weak to talk to her, but she knew from her own state of mind that his was getting better. The pain inside her body was less now, a dull throb instead of an incessant burning. 

Buffy sighed and looked at the road sign as it whizzed past. She didn't know what she was going to do, but she only had twenty more miles to decide before she reached the limits of Sunnydale. 

Spike coughed, his body shifting uncomfortably under the layers she'd placed over him. She frowned at the small trickle of blood that seeped from the corner of his mouth. 

"Spike?" Buffy nudged him slightly as she kept her eyes fixed on the road. He groaned and she felt the dull throb in her side grow into white-hot pain. She furrowed her brows and gasped as the pain started to spread through her body. "Hold on, Spike." 

Slamming her foot down to the floor she drove hard into the outskirts of Sunnydale, heading towards the one place she would find help and comfort. 

Driving fast down Revello Drive, she skidded to a halt in her driveway and fumbled with the car door, her sense of urgency returning as the pain inside her continued to grow stronger with each passing moment. As Spike screwed his face up in agony, she stopped and bent over, panting hard as she struggled against the hurt inside her. 

"Buffy Anne Summers!" Joyce flung the front door open and stormed down the steps towards her daughter. 

"Mom…" Buffy rounded the car, holding her side tightly as she made her way towards the passenger side and Spike. 

"No, young lady…you listen to me…you had me worried to death, taking my car and disappearing like that…you ever…" 

"Mom!" Buffy swallowed hard and found all her strength leaving her as she struggled desperately to pull the car door open so she could get Spike out and into the safety of her house. 

It opened and she started to remove the blankets covering him. As the tears rolled down her cheeks, she gave in and stopped struggling against the powerful emotions that were carrying her away. All she could see was Spike, hurt beyond any mortal capacity and bleeding badly as he lay half conscious in her mothers SUV. Her breath felt like it was stuck in her throat, unable to break past the immovable lump of emotions that was lingering there. Her chest ached as her whole body trembled, her harsh sobs racking her tired body until she couldn't see clearly anymore. 

"No, Buffy…I trusted you and you stole my car, you could've asked me…you are in serious trouble…" 

Buffy stared down at the wound on Spike's side and then at her hands. 

"_Mom_…" Her tone turned frantic as she stared blankly at the blood coating them. 

"Giles put the phone down on me…you have your cell off…" 

"Help me!" Buffy cried out as she furrowed her brows, hot tears streaming down her face as she turned to face her mother. "Please, help me." 

She held her hands out to her mother and watched her eyes widen as she saw the blood on them. She hoped her mother would know what to do, she always knew and Buffy felt like she couldn't think straight anymore, the sight of Spike so hurt was making everything too painful. 

"Please…I don't know what to do, mom…_please_?" Buffy fell to her knees and curled up, wrapping her arms tightly around herself, feeling like throwing up as everything that had happened became too much to handle. 

Joyce looked down at her daughter and then up into the SUV. She realised that Buffy wasn't alone; in the passenger seat of her car was the vampire Buffy had bought home before. 

"What happened?" She crouched down besides Buffy and stroked her hair. Buffy looked up into her eyes and mouthed the word 'please' at her as fresh tears spilled onto her cheeks. "Never mind. We have to get him indoors and then you can explain." 

Buffy nodded and struggled to her feet, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand as she swallowed down her emotions. She had to be strong, Spike needed her help and she couldn't afford to be weak right now. 

Swinging Spike's legs around, she hooked his arm around her neck and put hers around his waist, holding him tightly as she helped him out of the car. She slowly aided him into the house and then looked at her mother who was waiting in the hallway. 

Joyce closed the door behind them and frowned, the vampire looked even worse in the light and she was silently thankful that he couldn't die from lack of blood-or at least, she hoped he couldn't. Leading her daughter into the dining room, she didn't question the way Buffy was acting towards him-the warm and affectionate way she was tending to him and how worried she looked were enough to tell her that something had clearly happened between them. 

Buffy heaved a long sigh as she laid Spike down on the dining table and then turned to face her mother. 

"I'll explain all this…I promise…but…" 

Joyce watched Buffy's lower lip tremble as she turned her head to look at Spike, and it was clear to her what needed to be done. She'd do her best to look after them both so she didn't have to see her usually strong daughter so upset. 

"Right now we need to get him cleaned up…get the medical box from the upstairs bathroom and I'll get the one from the kitchen, I think we might need both." Joyce placed a reassuring hand on her daughter's shoulder and watched her nod. She knew what Buffy needed; she needed to be active so she didn't have time to think about the wounds that littered Spike's body-she needed to feel useful. 

Buffy scrubbed her hands hard as she watched the blood mixing with the water and swirling down the drain. She blinked away her tears and frowned down at her fingers-the blood didn't seem to be coming off them. 

The front door opened and shut again. 

Grabbing a towel, she moved silently to the top of the stairs and looked over the banister to see Giles talking to her mother. 

"How has she been?" Giles looked concerned as he glanced up the stairs and Buffy ducked backwards so he didn't see her. 

"She's been better, she's coping, I think…I don't know what happened between them, if that's what you want to know, I only know what she tells me and I don't think she's ready to tell me anything right now. She was so upset, Giles, I've never seen her so panicked in all my life…it scared me…" 

"It's the bond…somehow, some time or another she and Spike bonded, one claimed the other and it seems it was this bond that drove her to take your car to LA. She felt Spike's pain and instinct told her she had to find and protect him." 

"Claim? Bond? I don't think I'm understanding this right…are you saying they're linked somehow?" 

"From what I understand, they share a…symbiotic relationship…where he feels pain she does too, and vice versa…they can feel each other, sense each other's whereabouts…it will take her time to adjust and there could be further things about this bond that we don't know of…" 

Buffy frowned at Giles' words and leant over the banister again, her mother's face bore the same expression as hers. 

"What kind of things?" Joyce looked confused. 

"I don't know…this claim, it's usually placed between two vampires, it's never been studied thoroughly and I've never known of it happening between a vampire and a human. It's definitely never happened between a Slayer and a vampire. It may take a long time for Buffy to adjust to the new feelings that this has created between her and Spike, her Slayer side may not like this claim." 

Buffy stepped onto the stairs and found both her mother and Giles immediately looking up at her. 

"I…I'll be fine with this…it…" She held her breath for a moment and steadied herself. "It was me…I claimed him…I didn't realise I was, but it was me." 

Giles blinked. 

Joyce just looked even more confused. 

"Are you feeling any better?" Giles decided not to ask the details of what had happened between her and Spike while she was absent, instead he looked up at her and then gave a sideward glance to Joyce, making it clear he needed to know if her mother knew how she had acted in LA. 

"I'm good now…he's safe…healing, I can feel it. Feel him. Will it always be like this?" Buffy walked down the stairs and looked into the dining room where Spike was still laid out on the table. 

"I don't know, but I would like the opportunity to record what happens, the abilities the bond gives to you both and how you cope with it as a Slayer." 

Buffy nodded, she knew better than to deny Giles the opportunity to study anything and she hoped that his research would provide insight into the consequences of her being claimed. 

"I have something for you…from Angel." 

Buffy's eyes widened. "Oh god…Giles…I wasn't…you know I wasn't myself." 

"He knows. He told me to assure you that it wasn't him who did this to Spike, and that you needed these." Giles handed her the small metal keys and watched her smile down at them, then walk into the dining room. 

Working carefully so she didn't disturb Spike's rest, Buffy unlocked each of the manacles and let the chains drop to the floor. She ran her fingers lightly over the cuts on his wrists as she looked down at them and sighed. 

In order to tend his wounds her, Buffy and her mother had been forced to remove the majority of his clothing. Now he was lying on the table in nothing but his boots and the makeshift shorts that they had made from his black jeans when they had cut the legs off them. Something had told her and her mother that this was one vampire that didn't wear underwear, and neither of them were quite ready to witness Spike in all his glory. 

She turned back to face Giles and her mother, a small smile playing on her lips. 

"I should probably get him…" She pointed up at the ceiling and Joyce held her hands up in protest. "Mom…please…I'm not going to stay there with him…he needs rest and it isn't safe down here." 

Joyce looked at Giles. 

"Don't drag me into this." He smiled and walked towards the door. "I'll call in tomorrow and see how he's doing, and I'll bring all the books I can find on vampires and claims." 

"Donuts." Buffy stated flatly and Giles frowned in confusion. "You're not coming into this house with hours of reading without a sugary snack to keep me going." 

"She's definitely feeling better." Giles rolled his eyes and then opened the door. 

"Giles." Buffy stepped towards him and hesitated for a moment before squeezing him in a hug while desperately resisting the desire to pull away from him. "I'm sorry I put you through hell…sorry I acted the way I did and thank you for helping me…I know this all seems crazy…probably because it is…thanks for not flying off the handle." 

Giles smiled down at her as she pulled back and looked up at him. 

"I think I've learnt not to push you over the years, and I've definitely learnt not to question your relationship choices." Giles looked over at Spike where he lay on the table. "Though, I'm not going to tolerate sardonic comments from him." 

Buffy just smiled and held the door open for him. "Night." 

She watched him walk down the path to his car and then shut the door. Turning back into the house, she found her mother smiling at her. 

Spike growled. 

Joyce's eyes widened. 

"Does he do that often?" 

"Don't think so…to be honest, I don't really know, guess I have a lot to learn about him." Buffy shrugged and looked over at Spike. 

Joyce pointed up the stairs. "Maybe he's better off out of the way. Besides, it would be nice to have my table back." 

Buffy bounced on her heels and smiled as she walked over to Spike. She looked back across the room at her mother. "Don't suppose you could grab his feet…he's kinda heavy, dead weight and all?" 

Joyce just rolled her eyes and walked over to Spike's feet. 

Carrying him up the stairs, Buffy held onto his top half tightly as she manoeuvred him into her bedroom. Joyce didn't know what to think as she watched Buffy arranging the pillows beneath Spike's head and then stopping suddenly. 

"Still feels kinda weird." She frowned down at Spike where he lay sleeping. 

"You act like you love him." 

"Love? No…no…" Buffy shook her head less and less as she thought about the way she was acting and what her mother had said. "No…" 

"Just this claim thing, then?" Her eyes followed Buffy around the room as she drew all the curtains shut and checked them over to make sure no sunlight could get through. 

"Yeah." Buffy breathed quietly as she looked down at Spike again. Her chest felt tight with mixed emotions and she didn't know what she felt for him anymore. "Just the claim." 


	10. confessions

**Buffy hugged the mug of tea to her chest as she sat curled up on the couch in her living room. Her eyes fixed blankly on the TV as she tried to figure out just what was happening to her. It had been almost a day since she brought Spike to her mother's house and she had the feeling that soon she would have to start answering the little questions her mother had been asking and allowing her to ignore. Soon she would have to talk about what she'd been through and how the claim came about.**

She sighed as she watched the people on the TV, not hearing what they were saying, just seeing the images shifting about on the screen. 

She didn't know what she felt anymore. 

Since the night she'd been attacked by the vampires, everything had been a whirl of conflicting emotions. She was the Slayer, vampires were her mortal enemy and yet she had instigated a claim on one-albeit subconsciously. 

But she had claimed him, hadn't she? 

It wasn't like she wasn't her, she had still been in her body, seeing Spike look after her and feeling those feelings. 

She had claimed him. 

Had the void she'd felt after the attack allowed her true feelings towards Spike to come to the surface because she wasn't holding them back? 

She sighed again. 

The books Giles had brought over had only compounded her worst fears. That in order to claim Spike she had to have feelings towards him. As far as she could understand from the various texts, claiming was all about the reciprocation of deep emotions that then created a bond between a pair of vampires. This bond allowed them to keep track of each other and in the strongest cases the two could feel each others pain and could find each other over great distances by using their senses. They could also speak telepathically. 

That worried Buffy. 

The thought that Spike would be able to hear what she was thinking wasn't a positive, it was a definite negative and something told her that he wasn't going to be one to respect her privacy unless she laid down the law pretty quickly. 

But still. Being able to hear what Spike was thinking could be a bonus. 

Unless he was thinking bad things about her. 

Or dirty things. 

She remembered the looks he'd given her when he'd had her tied up, the insinuations that he could do a million little things with her. 

She shivered involuntarily as her heart raced a little faster. 

"Buffy?" Joyce smiled down at her daughter where she sat curled up in front of the TV. "Earth to Buffy?" 

Buffy looked up and blinked. "Huh? Oh, hey mom." 

"You look tired, sweety." Joyce sat down next to Buffy's feet and sighed. "All this worry can't be good for you, you've not slept since you bought him here. He's safe now, you should get some rest." 

"I know. I just don't feel…it doesn't feel right…" Buffy caught the look on her mother's face that said she wasn't taking no for an answer this time. "I will, promise." 

"How is he?" Joyce looked up at the ceiling. 

"I don't know." Buffy closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, letting her senses reach out to Spike. "He's sleeping still, feels different today, stronger." 

"I thought you just said…" 

"It's weird. It's like he's a part of me now, I can feel him inside me. I just have to reach out a little and there he is." Buffy stared down at her tea as she tried to reach out her senses again so she could tell what state Spike was in. "He's healing. He still needs more to help him." 

Joyce decided she didn't want to know what this 'more' was. She'd seen the new marks on Buffy's neck but knew better than to question her about her actions. Over the years of seeing her daughter grow up, she'd learnt to trust in her instincts, they'd been right on too many occasions now to ignore. 

She curled up opposite her daughter and smiled as she reached out and smoothed her hair. 

"Mom…" Buffy looked up and took a deep breath, feeling like this was the most opportune moment to tell her. "Almost two weeks ago I was on patrol. A vampire had almost got the better of me…" 

"Spike?" Joyce interjected and watched Buffy solemnly shake her head as though Spike's part in what happened was far worse than just almost getting the better of her. 

"…He wounded my arm pretty bad and my ankle was sprained. I was running away when I trod onto some weak ground and fell into a tunnel. The vampire…he came down too…was going to kill me." Buffy frowned as the image of Spike appearing through the dust came back to haunt her. "Spike killed him. It was his territory but I think there was something else to it, like no other vampire had the right to kill me. Funny…" 

"I don't see what's funny, Buffy. You're saying he wanted to kill you?" 

"No…not that funny…it's funny because I kinda think I have the sole right to killing him, like no one else is allowed to. He's mine." Buffy frowned at the weight of that word, never again would she see the word 'mine' as an innocent expression of ownership. "I passed out and when I woke up my wound was sealed up..." 

Joyce looked confused. 

"It's a vampire ability, they can stem the flow of blood. It's a saliva thing." Buffy said flatly before sipping her now cold tea. "Spike healed me but also chained me up. I don't think he had plans for me…he got drunk one night after I was kinda rough on him…I figured I couldn't fight him physically so I fought him with words." 

"Buffy…he could've killed you…" 

"I wasn't worried about him, I was more worried about his minions…little vamps that do his bidding. He couldn't leave me alone because they were always around, trying to get to me and talking behind his back." Buffy swallowed hard and tried to ignore the tears that were rapidly welling up in her eyes as all the pain came flooding back. "He wanted to get me food…we'd had this moment…he passed out from all the drink and we fell asleep next to each other…it was…I can't explain it. He left me alone but locked the door so I would be safe, or so he thought." 

Moving closer to her, Joyce slipped Buffy's feet over her legs and wrapped her arms about her. "It's okay, Buffy, whatever happened you can tell me…it's over now." 

"They tried…they broke in…they tried to…to…I was chained up…I couldn't stop them all and they were scratching at my clothes like hungry dogs…then one of them…he…he was on top of me…trying to…and Spike…" Buffy sniffled as she looked up towards her bedroom and then let herself cry as a sob forcibly pushed free of her lips. She curled up in her mother's arms and held onto her tightly as she struggled for control again. 

"He saved you, didn't he?" Joyce stroked Buffy's hair as she cried against her shoulder, her daughter's hot tears seeping through her clothes and down to her skin. Joyce could feel the sobs convulsing Buffy's body and it hurt her to see her daughter so weak. She realised that Spike must have looked after her, must have been there for her when she was so frail and she must have opened up to him as he was the only comfort and safety she had. 

Buffy sniffled back her tears and swallowed down a sob. "Spike, I don't know what happened, it was a blur…one moment they're everywhere and then he was carrying me…cleaning me…healing me…that's when I claimed him, he was on a total high from the blood but he must have reciprocated it and I felt safer than I've ever done. I still feel safer than I've ever done. I've never felt so close to someone before and I don't even know how I really feel about him, whether this inside me is just the claim or whether it's real." 

She looked up into her mother's eyes and searched them, holding her breath as she hoped to find the answer to all her questions there. Joyce wrapped her arms tighter around her and gave her a gentle squeeze. 

"What do the books say?" 

"That there has to be feelings there in order to make a claim work and that to have the level of bonding that Spike and I share…the feelings have to be deep. But how can he have deep feelings? He's a vampire, mom, a soulless one…" 

"Does that make a difference?" Joyce gave her a questioning look. 

It hit Buffy hard in the stomach. 

She knew her mother was right, that the soul Angel had didn't give him emotions it only acted as a conscience for the things he'd done and the things he did-a soul enhanced guilt and suffering. She'd seen Spike love, had witnessed it first hand in the way he acted with Drusilla. She'd seen him angry, upset, hurt and happy-all at her own hands. All the emotions had been there without the soul being in place. 

Who told her people needed souls to love? Was a soul really the source of emotion or was it merely a catalyst, enhancing the emotions a person was already consumed by. Emotions were of the heart and Spike's heart was dead, but it was still in place and he had been human once. Maybe the part of him that was human had retained its use of emotions and they were just a little slower to come due to lack of soul. 

A knock at the front door stole her thoughts away and she moved her legs so her mother could get up and answer it. She stared sightlessly at the television as she listened to the commotion in the hall, her friends asking how she was as they hung their coats up-completely blind to the fact that she could hear them all. 

"Is Spike still?" Willow whispered to Joyce as she removed her hat. 

"According to Buffy, he's healing. I don't know what we're going to do once he's healed but I'm sure she'll think of something. I know what you're going to say, Rupert, but she's been through a lot and no matter how wrong this seems to us all, I think she really does have feelings for him. It's just a matter of time before she realises what they are. I can't be against her on this; she's my little girl and I've never seen her so close to someone before. I think I've been in this town for too long because I don't care that he's a vampire. What she's been through, and what he did for her…they must feel for each other." Joyce gave Giles a small smile and as he nodded, she knew he was going to keep quiet about Buffy's choice of relationship. All throughout the other night, she could see that he wanted to give Buffy a talk about what she was doing but knowing what her daughter had been through, she couldn't let that happen. 

"How is she?" Xander peered around the corner at Buffy where she was sitting curled up with her back to them. 

"She's good. Coping, I think. She's been researching the claim and tending Spike most of the time." 

"Any signs of the claim manifesting itself?" Giles hung his coat up and gave her a questioning look. 

"She can feel him inside her like you said. It's like they're joined somehow. The books she's read have all said the same thing, in order to have that level of bonding the feelings they have must run deeply. I think she's worried about him still. She tries not to show it but it's there in her eyes when I look at her. She's been through a lot…just give her time and she'll be the Buffy she used to be." Joyce walked back into the living room and sat down next to Buffy again, placing her hand on her knee affectionately. 

Buffy smiled and gave her mother a warm look that said she'd heard all that and was thankful. 

"So…how's the English patient?" Willow gave Buffy a wide smile as she walked into the living room. 

"Better…getting there, I think." 

"And how are you?" Xander sat down in the armchair opposite her and smiled. 

"Better…getting there, I think." Buffy repeated with a smile and then looked up at Giles where he stood next to her. "Thanks for the books…I guess we'll just have to wait and see what this whole claiming thing has in store for me…it's already freaking me out less…probably not a good thing." 

"It just means that you're accepting what's happened. There's no way of undoing a claim, at least none I've heard of, but if you were ever inclined to have it reversed I'm sure our vampire friend would know." He looked up at the stairs and Buffy moved her eyes there. 

She let a small frown wrinkle her nose as she thought about Giles' well placed words. What if Spike did know of a way to dispel the claim, would she want to get rid of it or would it feel wrong now to not feel close to him anymore? She felt like he'd filled a void in her life so perfectly that without him the hole she used to feel would become a chasm. 

"Who wants tea?" Joyce stood up and looked down at Buffy, who nodded as she looked up at her. 

"I'll lend you a hand." Giles followed Joyce into the kitchen. 

"So…Buff." Xander leant forwards slightly. 

"So…Xan." She replied as she felt the hesitant feeling in her stomach worsen. She didn't want to have to deal with his sarcastic questions about Spike-at least not without Spike next to her. 

"How are you really?" 

"I'm fine. Feeling much better than when I went all cave girl Buffy in LA." 

"Cave girl Buffy?" Willow frowned. 

"Yeah, Giles says that what Spike feels affects what I feel…he was feral, hurt…worse than hurt but I don't think there's a word for it…hurt isn't strong enough. I went a little feral too…reacted on instinct to protect him, wanted to kill Angel…and Giles." 

"Well, that's reassuring to know." Giles raised his brows at her as he walked back into the room and handed her a mug of tea. 

"I wasn't going to kill you…" Buffy pouted up at him and then stared at her drink. "God…you think my life will ever be easy? Or will it always throw me curve balls like this one?" 

Spike fluttered his eyes opened and moaned as he let his eyes move weakly around the surrounding darkness. His whole body ached as he tried to focus his senses so he could make out something in the room or pick up a scent, anything to tell him where he was. 

Struggling on the soft bed, he tried to sit up but flopped back down as the bones in his ribcage protested. 

Exhaustion. 

Not something he'd ever thought he'd feel. 

But he was feeling it. 

He was tired, beyond tired. His body ached in an ungodly way and from the painful areas dotted about his body he could tell that whoever did this to him did a fine job. At least three of his ribs were broken; he'd felt them grate against each other as he'd tried to move. 

He inhaled deeply, a comforting scent filling his senses and soothing him immediately. 

"Buffy?" 

She froze as her heart started pounding harder, her blood sounding loud in her ears as she stared blankly straight ahead. Her stomach wound itself into a thousand tiny knots that seemed to be pulling against each other. 

Panic. 

Her eyes widened. 

"Spike." She whispered before dropping her teacup to the floor as she ran out of the room towards the stairs. 

Willow gave the rest of the room a nervous look. "Is she going to keep doing that?" 


	11. simpatico

**Buffy took a moment to collect herself as she stood outside the door to her room. Smoothing her clothes down she willed herself into resisting the desire that filled her, the need to rush into the room and look after him now that he was awake.**

Grasping the door handle, she took a deep breath and then opened it in a casual manner. 

"Up then?" She raised her brows at him as she walked directly to the little lamp on the bedside table and flicked it on. 

Spike frowned as the light stung his eyes. 

Buffy tensed as she tried to stop herself from apologising. 

Frowning still, Spike tried again to manoeuvre himself into a more comfortable position on the bed but winced and swallowed noisily as his ribs sent pain shooting along his nerves. 

Buffy hurriedly arranged pillows behind his back and patted them to make them fluffy so he would be comfortable, her façade of coolness slipping. 

Spike watched her small hands working to look after him, propping him up as he lay on her bed in nothing more than tiny shorts that used to be his favourite jeans. As she leant over to arrange the pillows on the other side of him, his eyes fell to her exposed neck. 

His frowned intensified. 

A sudden anger boiled up inside him over the fresh marks on her pale skin. 

He caught her arm roughly and tugged her to him, sniffing her neck as he growled low in his throat. As she stilled in his arms and let him inspect her neck, he let his frown melt away and it was replaced with a look of amazement. 

They were his. 

His marks pronounced beautifully on her throat and exposed for the whole world to see. 

Standing slowly, Buffy felt his hand slip from her arm and walked across the room to the door, clicking the lock into place before coming back to sit on the bed next to him. 

She took a deep breath as she stared at her hands, avoiding the incredulous look on his face and the way his eyes bore into her. 

"You felt better." She spoke to her hands rather than him. Suddenly she felt timid, like a shy girl trying to speak to the school bad boy and not sound stupid. 

"Yeah, I do…hang on…I _felt_ better?" Spike frowned at her as he tried to figure out what was happening. Since leaving her in Sunnydale, everything seemed to be a blur and now he was back-in her room and feeling like he was half dead, again. 

As her cheeks turned a strange shade of crimson, he realised that there was something going on and he'd missed the memo due to being unconscious. 

"Felt. As in…you can feel me or you felt me?" Spike found his frown intensifying as he tried to understand, the ache in his head made it hard to concentrate. 

"Spike." She took another long deep breath and raised her eyes slowly to meet his. The look of confusion on his face made her stomach flip with frustration. She wanted to tell him, wanted to just come out with it but she couldn't, the words just didn't want to come. "Don't make a fuss…" 

"There's cause for a fuss now? What the bloody hell is going on?" Spike tried to sit up a little and watched her jerk as she went to help him and then stopped herself. "I wake up…feeling deader than I already did and now all this…_fuss_." 

Buffy didn't like the way his eyes narrowed like he'd just hit on the answer with that one little word. 

"You're making a fuss of me…you…me?" He arched a brow at her and watched her shift uncomfortably. "Slayer? Buffy? What's going…" 

She pressed her finger against his lip so quickly, and with such a force, that she squashed them slightly. He frowned down at her offending finger and she released his mouth. 

"While I was…back in your lair…you healed me and I think I…" Buffy let her voice drop to a whisper as her eyes fell to the bed. "Claimed you." 

Spike sighed out his breath like he'd just been punched in the stomach. A million questions bubbled up inside him but he pushed them aside as he saw her, her eyes fixed on the bedspread and her head turned slightly to the side. She looked like she was waiting for something. He tensed his jaw as he realised what it was. She was waiting for him to make some kind of sarcastic comment about her claiming him. 

He remembered it now, a hazy moment after he'd finished cleaning up her wounds and healing them for her. He'd been enjoying the feeling of her blood in his veins and she had wiped the blood from his lips. He hadn't even thought about her words at the time, or his response. He'd replied automatically, without a thought to the possible consequences of agreeing with her. Something in her body language told him she hadn't known the power of that one little word or the impact it would have on them both if he responded. 

Buffy couldn't understand what was taking him so long to say something, anything. She couldn't bear the silence between them and the feeling of confusion inside her made her head and heart ache. She wanted him to tell her it was okay, that everything would be fine and all this was meant to be, that it was destiny or something equally as stupid. 

She just wanted some kind of comfort from him. 

But he was just sitting there, looking like she'd just said she was having his baby. 

Furrowing her brows, she considered leaving the room and giving him some time to think through whatever was going on in his head. 

She closed her eyes as she felt a cool hand brush against hers, the palm of his hand covering the back of hers as his fingers wrapped around it and squeezed it gently. A flood of reassurance swept through her and she relaxed a notch. Letting her eyes open a fraction she looked down at their hands and was surprised by how the sight of them soothed her, like they were a symbol of their unity and how he was okay with what had happened. 

"All I could think about was you, you know." Spike watched her blink slowly and then raise her head slightly so her eyes met his. "When I was looking after you, when I was going to LA, when Angel of all sodding people saved me from those pricks…" 

Buffy smiled as he smiled weakly at her. 

"I could feel you inside me. Your pain, it guided me to you. I really thought Angel had done that to you at first." She ran her fingers lightly over his cheek. The bruise beside his eye had now started to fade and the swelling was practically gone. "I could have killed him. Giles says that when you reverted to an animal state of mind that it affected me…I went with you." 

Spike frowned as she heaved a long sigh and looked deep into his eyes. He felt relieved to see them so full of life again, vibrant green and shining at him in the low light. 

"I can still feel you, Spike." Letting her hand run down his arm she took hold of his hand and pressed his palm against her chest. "Right here." 

Moving her free hand, she pressed it against his naked chest and felt lost in his eyes as he blinked at her. 

"Can you feel me too?" She didn't know why she felt so nervous about asking him-in all the books that she'd read it had stated clearly that they would both feel the same things. Part of her was scared that he wouldn't want to be bonded to her, that he'd want to break it somehow like Giles had mentioned. 

Spike cocked his head to one side and let the corners of his mouth twitch into a smile as he struggled to grow accustomed to the difference in the mood between them-it seemed so tranquil. "Like you're a part of me, pet." 

Buffy let her fingers stroke his chest and smiled at him. She could see his wounds were starting to heal, the edges of them no longer red raw but a dull pink, leaving just the cuts themselves a deep crimson colour. She ran her fingers over one that ran down his ribcage and frowned at it as she felt the pain inside him. Spike caught her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

"Give it time." He let her hand go as she nodded at him. 

He tried to shift again on the bed as she smiled warmly at him there was something in it that spoke volumes. She clearly knew what she had gotten into and she seemed to be fine with it and all the implications. She actually looked as though she liked being bonded to him. 

He gritted his teeth as he moved too much and pain shot up his side. 

"You okay?" Buffy moved immediately, her hands rushing to help him as he tried to sit up more in her bed. 

"I'll be fine." Spike swallowed noisily and then froze as he realised how close she was to him. He could feel her warm breath on his neck as she leant over him and her body brushing slightly against his bare chest. 

Buffy bit her lower lip as she felt his hands sliding up her arms and his eyes on her neck. As his cool breath tickled her skin, she closed her eyes, letting her body relax against his as she gave silent thanks that she'd locked the door. The last thing she needed was her mother walking in and seeing what was about to happen. 

Spike inhaled sharply as he slipped into vampire guise. His fingers grasped her tightly as he wrapped them about her waist and held her to him. Placing a soft kiss on her neck, he quickly followed it with his fangs-piercing her silky flesh where he had done previously. 

She gasped as she felt his teeth enter her-the first pull on her blood making her heart feel like it was going to explode from the feelings that flooded it. It beat painfully against her ribcage as she buried her fingers into his hair and clasped him to her neck. She could feel him, inside her, surrounding her. Could feel what he felt on being allowed to feed from her and how her potent blood made his body scream for more. 

Allowing him to drink from her for a longer time than she had before, she found herself not wanting to make him stop. The exquisite sensation of pain and pleasure running through her veins was something she didn't want to end. 

Spike released her neck and growled quietly as he licked the wound clean. Pulling back, he looked down at it and found himself wanting to sigh over the sight of her beautiful pale skin marked by his teeth and his teeth alone now. 

Buffy smiled slightly as she caught the look of amazement on his face, the expression in his eyes soft and tender as he looked down at his mark. 

Raising her hand she let her fingers play on his cheek and found his eyes moving to meet hers. He smiled as he blinked slowly. 

"Get some sleep. We'll talk more later…about this claim thing…and what happened." 

Part of Spike wanted to tell her that he could reverse the claim, that there were methods of undoing a bond, but his more selfish side fought against it and won. He wanted to be hers, wanted to keep this bond between them and deep down inside he knew she wanted to keep it too, no matter what happened. 

Or at least it appeared that way. 

Why else would she offer up her neck as his chalice? 

He smiled at that thought and leant back against the pillows. Even as sleep beckoned him, he could feel his body bursting into action and using the strength from her blood to start healing itself more rapidly. 

Buffy hesitated for a moment before standing up. She felt pulled in two directions, one leading her back downstairs to her friends and the other leading her to Spike. She didn't want to leave him while he was still awake; she wanted to stay by his side until she knew he was comfortable and resting again. 

Walking until she was stood right by his side she gave him a shy smile and then opened her mouth to speak. Her voice drifted away as she felt his hand in hers, his fingers gently brushing against the palm of her hand as his thumb stroked the back of it. 

"Go downstairs, pet. I'll be fine here. Catch a little more kip and before you know it I'll be right as rain again." He looked up at her and noticed her concerned expression didn't fade away this time. 

Squeezing her hand, he wondered if she was still feeling as confused as he was. By all rights he should have drained her dry while he had the opportunity, she'd offered up her neck to him and he'd only taken what he needed to help him heal faster. He frowned. 

A warm swirling feeling settled itself in his stomach. 

It was vaguely familiar, like a distant echo of something he used to know but now couldn't quite remember. 

Buffy stroked his forehead and let her hand slip free of his grasp as she turned to switch the small lamp off. 

"Buffy." Spike watched her turn to face him in the darkness. 

"Yes?" Her voice trembled slightly; the atmosphere around her seemed suddenly heavy. 

"Get some sleep…you look like hell." 

Buffy smiled at him as his words heated her stomach through. She knew it was the closest thing to concern that she was going to get from him right now. 

Walking out of the room, she stopped in the doorway and let her eyes linger on him for a few moments more before shutting it and heading back downstairs. 

She cast a glance around the room before settling back down in the spot she'd vacated on the couch and picking up her tea. 

She sipped it. 

Cold. 

How long had she been up there with Spike? There wasn't even a lingering trace of warmth on the cup-it was stone cold. 

"How is he?" Joyce gave her an affectionate smile as she touched her knee. 

"Getting there. Think it's going to be a while before he's back to his usual sarcastic ways but he's good." Buffy put the mug of cold tea back down on the table and curled up. 

She realised everyone was staring at her. 

Not her exactly. 

Her eyes widened. 

Her hands raced to cover the marks on her neck that they'd already seen. 

Turning a bright shade of red she buried her head in her knees and then looked up sheepishly at everyone. 

"Oops?" Buffy offered with a slight smile but the varying looks of shock on their faces didn't fade. 

"Buffy, how could you?" Giles frowned down at her. 

Joyce stood up and moved in front of her daughter; sheltering her from the looks that her friends were giving her. 

"Buffy's done nothing wrong here. She did what she felt she had to, to help him. She's done it before, it's no different this time and you can't treat it like it is." 

Buffy looked up at her mother and smiled as she looked down at her. "Guess you knew, huh?" 

"I saw them on your neck that night. I understand why you did it, there's no need for you to feel ashamed." Sitting down next to Buffy she took hold of her hands and squeezed them tightly. "There's no need to be ashamed of _anything_ you feel or do." 

"I'm sorry, Buffy. Just after everything you went through with Angel…I just don't want to see you hurt." 

"I know." She smiled up at Giles and then at Willow and Xander. "I know what I'm doing though, trust me guys? I know I've been wrong on occasion…but I'm right this time." She watched their faces soften and then grinned. "Plus, if you get all grumpy at me I'll just have Spike eat you." 

Their eyes widened. 

"Joking…" Buffy grinned and then let her look turn pensive. "Kinda raises a question though doesn't it. If he's going to be a part of my life I can't really let him go around killing people, can I?" 

She pouted as she thought about trying to explain to Spike that he couldn't be a free-range fox in the henhouse anymore. As she pictured how happy he'd been that time he'd talked about saving the world because of its 'happy meals on legs' she whined. He was not going to take it well. 

"Like I don't have enough problems now I have to think about how to feed a vampire…one who's gonna get cranky about not being allowed human blood." 

"He could be useful though, Buffy, in the fight against evil." Willow gave her a reassuring smile. "Besides, you'll have him house broken in no time." 

"House broken?" Buffy looked incredulous. 

"While you were upstairs with Spike, we discussed what would happen now." Joyce took hold of her hands again. "Of course you'll continue at college but we have to think about where you're going to stay now. No matter how much you try to hide it, I don't think you like being apart from him so we realised that the best move would be for you to move back in here. You'll still be able to get into college and you won't be far from him if you need him." 

"What are you saying…you've got that look you get when you've come up with some devious mom plan." 

"He's staying here." 

"But…" Buffy moved to protest but found herself cut off by a warning look from Joyce. 

"No buts, young lady. He can stay in the basement once he's recovered. It's dark enough and he'll be safer staying here with you." 

Buffy didn't know whether to wrap her arms around her mother in a hug or to be angry at decisions about her and Spike's living arrangements being made without her. Her thoughts slipped to the sleeping vampire upstairs and she closed her eyes as she concentrated on him. 

She could feel him healing, his body relaxed as he slumbered on. 

It was comforting to be able to sense him nearby, to be close enough to him to just reach out briefly and feel him there. 

Maybe her mother had been right when she'd said she acted like she loved him. 

Except it wasn't an act. 


	12. hearing voices

**NOTE: Speech in italics between Buffy and Spike is telepathy.**

**Buffy frowned in her sleep as she felt a chill sweep over her. Tugging the blankets closer around her, she snuggled into them and curled up. It had been hard trying to get to sleep in her mother's room-even harder due to the fact it was broad daylight outside.**

_"Buffy…"_

She wrinkled her nose up and pouted, not wanting to come out of her restless slumber but feeling like she was being dragged out of it no matter how much she protested.

_"Buffy…love…wake up sleepy head."_

Opening her eyes, she expected to see Spike in front of her; his voice still rang in her head.

Nothing.

Just a dark room.

"Mmm…" She rolled over and curled up under the blankets again. "…Weird dreams…"

_"Not dreaming, kitten."_

"Spike?" She frowned as she sat up, looking around the room and trying to discover where the voice was coming from. "Where are you…quit hiding…it's not funny."

_"Not hiding from you…not unless you want me to…"_

There was a distinct purr to his words that made her think of perverse hide and seek.

"Where are you?" She scrambled out of bed and started to look behind the curtains, the sunlight that streamed into the room told her that he definitely wouldn't be hiding behind there.

_"Your bedroom."_

"Huh?" Buffy walked out of her mother's room and down the hall. Pushing the door open, she peered around it at him where he was laying on the bed.

Spike grinned.

_"Morning, sweetheart."_

Buffy looked confused.

"What's going on?"

He crooked his finger and she walked into the room, closing the door behind her and then turning to face him. As the look in his eyes turned hungry, she dropped hers to her clothes and looked mortified.

She was standing in front of Spike in nothing but a camisole and panties.

Hurrying across the room she grabbed her bathrobe and wrapped it around herself to cover her body.

Spike pouted.

Buffy surmised he was definitely feeling better today.

"Not like I haven't…" He was going to say 'seen it before' but quickly reconsidered-the last thing he wanted to do was dredge up memories of that night.

"What's going on?" Buffy stood next to him and frowned as she repeated her question.

Spike caught hold of her arm and tugged her down so she was sitting next to him on the bed. Her eyes dropped to rest on his exposed chest and she swallowed noisily as they traced the smooth curves on his torso, his wounds now barely scratches on his skin.

"Pay attention, love." He placed his finger under her chin and raised her eyes back up to his face.

"I was paying attention." She half frowned, half pouted at him.

_"Hey."_

"What?" She frowned, not noticing that his lips hadn't moved.

Spike rolled his eyes and tried again. _"Hey."_

Buffy let her eyes widen as she realised what he was doing. She concentrated hard. _"Hey back."_

Spike smiled. _"You're cute when you concentrate, love. Get this little wrinkle between your brows."_

Reaching his hand up, he smoothed the wrinkle out and watched her smile.

Buffy concentrated again. _"This is fun…kinda hard…this one of the perks?"_

Spike nodded. _"Telepathic communication. Distance it works over depends on just how strong the tie between us is."_

"If I could feel you all the way in LA…must be strong, right?" She spoke out loud and watched him nod again like she'd said exactly what he'd wanted her to. "Spike?"

"Yeah, love?"

She took hold of his hand, her fingers brushing against the hard pads of his fingers as she looked down at them together.

"I wanted to thank you, for what you did for me…looked after me. I know that you kidnapped me in the first place and I know that should count against you, but thanks for being there…for saving me…for comforting me…"

Spike tried not to flinch at her words. They were a pointed reminder of what he'd done and how he was responsible for what had happened to her. Her thanking him for something felt more like stabbing him in the chest. His demon revolted against the way it ground in his ears and reminded him that he was going to be fighting alongside her now for the good of the world. He almost felt like telling her never to do it again.

Almost.

"No problem. Was protecting my interests." He smiled through the desire to put her in her place and cupped her cheek with his free hand.

Buffy smiled and looked him over. She had sensed his feelings go off the Richter scale when she'd thanked him but she wasn't sure why. He'd seemed pained. _"Feeling better today?"_

Spike grinned at the way she slipped into telepathy. _"Much. Still weak but I'm getting there. Hungry though…was thinking a little Scooby snack."_

She swatted his arm and frowned. _"Rule number one, no eating my friends…or my mother…or me."_

Spike pouted and caught hold of her wrist. _"There are other ways to eat you, pet…way's that'll make your toes curl."_

When she blushed violently he smiled wide and tried to think of something else that was naughty so he could say into her head.

"Don't." She arched a brow at him.

"Suit yourself." Spike sighed and eyed her neck again. "Am hungry though, but I get the feeling I'm not going to be sending you out for human blood."

"Afraid not." She gave him an apologetic look and then bit her lip.

Staring down at her wrist, she considered it for a moment. Her giving blood to him was starting to become a habit and no matter how many times she told herself it was just giving him blood to make him strong again-she couldn't convince herself wholly. Part of her actually enjoyed the sensation, the pleasure pain that accompanied his sharp bite and the hard pull on her blood that made her head spin.

Holding her wrist out she met his eyes and gave him a look that said she was serious.

Spike didn't need to be told.

Taking hold of the arm she proffered to him, he licked her wrist and placed a soft kiss against it before letting it go.

Buffy frowned.

Spike knit his brows as he thought over what he was about to say-he was going to sound like he'd gone soft.

"Not there. I can't bite you there…damage…tendons, bone. Understand?"

Buffy did understand. If he sank his teeth into her wrist there was a high chance of him doing some serious damage to her. He could snap some of the tendons or break her wrist.

She walked over to her wardrobe and rifled through the kit bag she kept in there.

Spike watched with interest as she bent down and searched through something in the cupboard. He wasn't sure what she was looking for but when she turned around with a large knife, he wasn't surprised in the least.

"Suits you." Spike grinned at her as she walked back towards the bed in her bathrobe, carrying the large knife in her hand.

Sitting down beside him again, she held the knife shakily in her right hand and took a deep breath as she sliced a thin line over her wrist. Her heart hammered hard as she watched the blood begin to spill from the wound. She knew he wouldn't let her die but cutting her wrist seemed so suicidal, so much like death.

Spike's eyes widened and he knocked the knife from her hand as the blood began to quickly run from her wrist, trailing around to the underside of it and dripping onto her bathrobe.

He didn't know what he'd expected her to do with the knife but it hadn't been this.

"Stupid bint." He growled and pulled her legs around.

Wrapping his left arm about her waist, he moved her onto his lap. He held her tightly to him as he took hold of her left wrist in his hand and bought it up to his lips. The sight of her hurting herself forced his hunger from him.

Buffy watched him blankly as he wrapped his lips around her wrist, sucking on the wound and running his tongue against it. She waited for his face to change but it remained human; his brows knit tightly and his eyes closed as he attended to the wound she'd inflicted upon herself.

Her stomach heated through as she felt the feelings inside him, he was conflicted. Part of him felt like it wanted to change into demonic form but it was being held back by a part of him that felt like it was concerned, focused wholly on trying to heal and clean the cut.

She moved a shaky hand up over his shoulder and let her fingers slip into the hair near the nape of his neck; it felt soft under her touch. As he sighed out through his nose she watched him again, his expression full of pleasure as he continued to drink from her wrist. Her thighs ached, her abdomen warmed and her heart raced.

Spike knit his brows tighter as he felt it inside her and her blood spoke it clearly to him.

Desire.

He opened his eyes and stared down at her exposed thigh, her backside slowly warming his own thighs and her body painfully close to his.

Flexing his fingers, he grasped her waist tighter and drew her closer to him still. He felt her heartbeat accelerate and inhaled deeply, catching the sweet heady scent of her arousal as it hung in the air between them.

"Spike…" Buffy leant her head forwards and nuzzled just above his ear as he continued to drink. "…Don't stop."

Spike arched a brow and sucked harder on her wrist, swallowing down the precious liquid as it flowed from her. He'd have to stop soon no matter how much she protested. He could feel her weakening as she leant into him, her thighs trembling against his and her breathing becoming rapid and shallow.

Reluctantly releasing her wrist, he licked the wound slowly to seal it and then wrapped his arms tighter around her as she slumped slightly. He frowned at the expression on her face, her eyes closed and brows furrowed as she curled up slightly. He could feel her desire had changed to drowsiness from his taking too much from her.

He'd seen that expression so many times on the faces of so many girls.

Usually it thrilled him to see them so weak, to know that if he took a little more blood there would be no tomorrow for them.

This time it scared him.

Holding her tightly against him he cradled her in his arms and smoothed her hair down with his free hand.

She whimpered quietly, her breathing and heartbeat still struggling to return to normal.

"I've got you, love." Spike whispered at her and for the first time felt like she'd got him. He let his feelings for her show on the surface as he watched her, the safety her room offered giving him the opportunity to let her see the man he held inside. Brushing the backs of his fingers against her brow, he let his hand open up and cupped her cheek. "I've got you."

Buffy opened her eyes and blinked into his, they were different now. All desire and lust, all coldness and violence was gone from them. They spoke of passion, of love and affection so strong that she felt overwhelmed.

Reaching her hand up she mirrored his actions and cupped his cheek, narrowing her eyes and letting her lips play into a tender smile.

"I've got you too." She whispered quietly and saw his eyes narrow with his smile.

Closing her eyes, she let her head rest against his chest and her arms circle his neck.

"I'm not hurting you am I?"

"No, love…not hurting me at all." Spike looked down at the top of her head and resisted the temptation to press a kiss to her hair. "Not at all."

"Can I stay a while?" Buffy raised her head up and looked into his eyes again. It wasn't that she was asking his permission to stay in her own room, she was asking if she could stay locked tight in his embrace, close to him. The feeling of safety it gave her was like nothing she'd experienced before and no matter how much her instincts still protested over being close to a master vampire, she didn't want to leave anytime soon.

"Sure, pet." Spike stroked her hair as she relaxed back into him. He knew she was feeling as conflicted as he was but he was quickly growing used to having her near him. When he'd awoken that afternoon to find himself alone he'd felt agitated, frustrated that she was no where to be seen and that he couldn't really feel her. He'd reached out his senses in search of her and realised that she wasn't registering clearly because she was sleeping. After feeling her sleeping for a while he'd decided to wake her and test their connection at the same time. It hadn't taken much to get her awake, it hadn't taken much to get her to come to him.

He blinked slowly as she closed her eyes again.

Deep inside he could feel William taunting him, saying that he'd been right all along and that he'd known that he had feelings for her.

Feelings.

Spike frowned slightly. He had feelings for her and he was now teetering on some kind of precipice, unsure of what to do. If he took the leap and made a fool of himself by confessing to her what he felt would she react well?

He shook his head.

The connection between them should have reassured him that she had feelings towards him but he couldn't bring himself to voice how he felt about her. The one in a million possibility that she wouldn't reciprocate or admit to her feelings was one too many.

For now Spike would win, William's need to declare his feelings to her would have to wait until he felt less confused and she had given him a sign that she felt the same way about him.

Buffy fluttered her eyes open slowly to find them settling on Spike's bare chest. She found his arms still holding her tightly and his breathing slow and steady. She frowned and pulled away from him, looking up at him with a sleepy expression.

"And she awakes." Spike smiled at her. "Nice nap, kitten?"

Buffy blinked and stretched carefully so she didn't hurt him.

"Sorry…dozed off I guess. How long was I?"

"Not long, couple of hours maybe." Spike waited for her to move, she did.

Sliding off his lap, Buffy stood up and looked down at the alarm clock on the bedside table. He was right; she'd been asleep for a few hours, curled up in his arms and now she felt strangely refreshed-like she'd had her first good sleep in weeks.

"Feeling okay?" Spike frowned at her vacant expression and then saw her smile.

"Actually I am." She stretched again and looked down into his eyes. "You want to shower? Make you feel better…get you clean, dressed…wash some of the dried blood off."

Spike nodded and swung his legs over the edge of the bed before standing up slowly. As he wobbled slightly, Buffy caught hold of his arm to steady him.

"Communication breakdown with my legs." He raised his brows as he looked down at them.

"That'll happen…few days stuck in bed and a fat Slayer sleeping on your lap…"

Spike caught hold of her waist and span her to face him. "Not fat, love…trim…taut…" He purred down at her as his eyes fixed on her waist. "…Perfect."

Buffy blushed violently from head to toe and felt the sudden need to get the subject far away from her waist and how perfect it was. "I've got your clothes…your combats and shirt…mom cleaned them for you."

"Thanks, love…now show me to the shower." He wrapped his arm about her neck and leant on her as they started towards the bedroom door.

Buffy held his hand tightly as she led him down the hall to the bathroom. On entering it, she picked up the nearest towel and put it on the vanity unit for him.

"It gets a little hot sometimes. Does that bother you?"

"Huh?" Spike pulled a face that made it clear he hadn't quite followed what she was saying.

"Does the heat bother you? Like hot water? Do you really feel it?" As Spike nodded at her she smiled. "Then don't turn it up too high unless you feel like getting a little warm."

"Warm is good…tired muscles still like a long soak, pet, no matter how long they've been dead."

Buffy frowned at the reminder of his undead status. It was slipped in there in such a manner that she got the impression he was testing the water and seeing how she reacted to being reminded.

She just smiled and placed the clothes down next to the towel.

Turning back around to face him she couldn't help looking him over. He was standing in the middle of her bathroom dressed in nothing but a ragged pair of jeans shorts and running his fingers through his hair, tousling it further than it already had been.

She almost sighed.

Vampire as he was he still managed to push the right buttons inside her when she looked at his physique. His compact muscles barely hidden beneath his pale skin spoke words of power and strength to her. She blinked slowly as she took in the sight of him, his expression becoming almost awkward as he realised she was watching him. As his eyes narrowed she swallowed hard, the come hither expression that had surfaced in them made her knees want to buckle and her palms sweaty.

She rubbed them on the bathrobe.

It would be so easy. The door was locked, her mother was downstairs and thought she was asleep. All she had to do was step towards him, untie her bathrobe and let it fall off her shoulders and she was sure he'd do the rest.

Moving her gaze back to the towel and his clothes she shut down the feeling inside her. She still wasn't sure how she truly felt about him and if she was ready for a man to touch her intimately. Instigating a physical relationship with him, no matter how tempting it was, was only going to muddle her feelings up even more.

Spike arched a brow at her and as her eyes met his again he saw that she was in control again, all the fire gone from her beautiful green orbs.

Buffy paused for a few seconds before turning and walking out of the door.

He wasn't sure what he would have done if she had made a move. The sexual predator side to him had been clear about what it wanted to do with her but instinct told him it would be the wrong move right now. She was clearly still confused about what was happening and what she'd been through. She was unable to fully cope with the various feelings he'd seen in her eyes throughout the afternoon and to push her now was to inevitably push her away. He would think he was closer to her than ever but she'd slip free from his grasp.

It was probable that it was also an after effect of her relationship with Angel. She was now walking around wondering what she'd gotten herself into with another vampire, a soulless one this time. One that still desired the hunt, still bowed to the need for human blood over animal, one that still wanted her above anything.

Above everything.

Anything she asked he'd do if he could just stay with her.

To give her up would be like giving up heaven, bliss was being in her arms, nirvana was her touch, and ecstasy her blood.

Yet in order for him to have her, someone had given her up.

Spike snorted and slipped out of his shorts before stepping into the shower.

Angel was an idiot.


	13. fools fly in where angels fear to tread

**NOTE: Speech in italics between Buffy and Spike is telepathy.**

**Buffy tied her hair back into a ponytail as she walked down the stairs. Her bathrobe had been replaced with dark blue jeans and a deep red jumper that had sleeves long enough to cover her hands-or at least the band-aid that was now firmly stuck over the wound on her wrist. It wasn't that Spike hadn't done a good job of healing it; she just didn't want her mother or her friends to see the cut there and get panicked about what she was doing.**

Rounding the bottom of the stairs, she smiled warmly as she saw Willow sitting in the living room with a large book on her lap.

"Hey, Buffy." Willow placed the book down carefully on the coffee table and wrapped her friend up in a hug.

"Hey, yourself." Buffy smiled warmly at her as she was released. "How come you didn't come up and see me?"

"Your mom said you were sleeping. She made it pretty clear in her own little way that she didn't want you to be disturbed. So we thought we'd do a little research and wait for you to wake up." Willow sat back down and picked up her book again.

Sitting down next to her friend, Buffy frowned at the large tome she was reading. The pages were crinkled and delicate looking and she could tell by the gentle way Willow turned them that it was very old.

"Spike woke me up." Buffy said casually and watched her friend's fingers pause. "We? Who else is here?"

"Spike? Is he feeling better?" Willow looked up to see Buffy smiling slightly. "Giles gave me a lift. He's talking to your mom in the kitchen. I suspect it's about your houseguest."

"Spike…when he makes lewd suggestions that means he's feeling better, right?" She watched Willow's eyes widen dramatically. "Kidding…he's good, he's in the shower…which is progress."

"It's my house, Rupert…it's up to me who stay…" Joyce cut herself off as she noticed Buffy sitting on the couch.

Giles looked awkward. "Buffy, looking a little better today."

Buffy let the frown that had developed on her face melt away as she realised that her mother had been standing her ground on the Spike as a houseguest issue.

"All good with the sleep." She beamed up at him.

There was a loud thump upstairs and the muffled sound of swearing, Buffy pressed her hand against her mouth to stifle a giggle-afraid that Spike would know she was laughing at him.

Joyce, Giles and Willow stared up at the ceiling and then down at Buffy for an explanation.

"Spike. He's a not so patient English patient. He was looking a little bored in bed and he's feeling a little better today, so I said he could take a shower and get dressed."

"That's good to hear, sweetie. Does he need _anything_?" Joyce gave her a look that Buffy interpreted as the 'anything' in question being blood related.

"He's fine." She curled up on the sofa and peered over Willow's shoulder again as she started to flick through the book. "So what're we looking for?"

The phone ringing caused Buffy to frown for a second, and then dismiss it. The chances were it was someone for her mother or just Xander calling in. Except part of her knew that it wouldn't be Xander. Since he'd found out that she was bonded to Spike and that Spike would be staying no matter what he said, he'd been avoiding her. Everyone else she knew was already here.

Joyce saw that Buffy wasn't going to make a move to answer it and walked across the room to the phone and picked it up.

"We're looking for information on claims. Just trying to see what kinds of things you and Spike are likely to share, and if there is any information on human-vampire claiming." Willow gave Giles a little look to see if she'd got it right, when he smiled reassuringly, she turned to Buffy.

"I already know some of the things we can do…Spike woke me earlier, he was talking…" Buffy beamed at them and then trailed off as her mother spoke.

"Cordelia?" Joyce breathed out in a sigh and then frowned into the phone as the room descended into silence.

"Cordy?" Buffy was on her feet immediately, crossing the room to where her mother was standing and ready to take the phone from her.

"She's right here, hang on." Joyce handed Buffy the phone and gave her a concerned look.

"Cordy?" Buffy furrowed her brows as she heard her sniffling down the line. "What's wrong…seriously? No…it's going to be fine…I'll do everything I can to get there…we'll find him, Cordy. Don't do anything until I get there…when? I'll do my best. Bye."

Placing the phone back down, she stared at it for a moment as she tried to get everything straight in her head. She felt nauseous, her body suddenly drained of energy as she tried to figure out what to do.

"Buffy? What is it?" Willow touched her arm and Buffy gave her a look that said she hadn't even noticed she had moved from the couch.

"Angel." Buffy stated flatly and started towards her weapons chest. Opening the lid she pulled out her axe and crossbow and then froze-she didn't know where to look. She turned to find her friends staring at her with confused looks. "Angel. The people who had Spike…they tracked Angel down and took him."

"What are you going to do?" Giles gave her a questioning look. "You can't go after them alone."

"I know." Buffy raised her head up and gave him a hard look. "I know. Spike would go with me but he's not strong enough, he'd be itching for payback and he'd know where to look. I know him; he could hunt down Angel from the tiniest trace of blood. I have to do something, Giles."

"I'm going with you." Giles stepped forward and put his hand gently on her shoulder. He was relieved when she only tensed and didn't swat his hand away-it was a good sign that she was making progress with controlling the effects the claim had on her.

"Me too." Willow stood up. "You're not leaving me behind. Besides, Oz has a van he could drive us to LA in."

Buffy smiled mischievously as an idea popped into her head. She only hoped they'd have the time to do it before they had to leave for LA.

"What is it?" Giles frowned at her as she grinned, her hands gripping the axe tightly.

"Spike will come with us. He'll be strong enough if I help him." She held her hand up as Giles went to protest. "Not blood. Something else, this time. Something he was looking for in Sunnydale and I know he was close to finding it."

"What?"

"A gem."

"A gem?" Willow looked incredulous-how could a gem make Spike strong?

"God…he told me…boasted about it…um…Gem of…I remember I teased him, I said 'Gem of A-what-huh?'."

"Amara?" Giles offered.

"Bingo!" Buffy pressed her finger against her nose and pointed at him. "Gem of Amara."

"It's a legend, Buffy…a vampire Holy Grail, it doesn't exist."

"Spike thinks it does, and I think it must since it made him come back here to find it, risking a major ass kicking by me. He had a whole team looking for it. He was close, Giles, I know he was."

"But Buffy…" Giles was cut off as she raised her hand up to silence him, her eyes closing as she knit her brows.

She reached out. _"Spike?"_

His voice came back loud and clear, making her stomach swirl as he purred at her. _"Yeah, love?"_

_"The Gem…do you know where it is?"_ Buffy knit her brows a little tighter, trying to get a lock on his location in the house and wondering if he was still in the shower. She blushed at that thought.

_"Yeah…why? Didn't think you'd been one to endorse my finding it, pet."_

_"The guys who hurt you, they have Angel. I need you to help me…you need the Gem."_

There was a long pause and Buffy wondered if the mention of Angel was the cause of it or whether he was just considering his answer to her plea.

_"Why?"_ Came his reply, his voice laced with suspicion.

Buffy hesitated this time, unsure of whether she wanted to give him the reason that had just come into her head, fearing he would see it as an admission of her feelings if she didn't word it right.

_"Because…I can't do this without you and you're still weak. The Gem will make you strong, invincible right? Then you can come kick their asses with me. Get some payback?"_

As she waited quietly for his reply, she could feel everyone in the room staring at her-they probably thought she'd gone insane just standing silently in the room with her eyes closed, one hand raised in the air.

_"Invincible."_ Spike slipped into his combats.

_"As in they can't kill you?"_

He paused with his fingers on the button of his fly, her words hitting him hard in the chest. Giving himself a moment, he put to memory her words and the concerned voice she'd spoken them with. He slipped his shirt on.

_"Wouldn't let them kill me, kitten." _

_"You dressed?"_ Buffy let her frown disappear as her stomach heated through. She couldn't stop imagining that she'd been talking in his head while he'd been naked.

_"I am now."_ Spike swore he could feel her blushing as desire laced what he was feeling from her.

_"Come downstairs?"_

_"Anyone holding pointy weapons?"_

She glanced around the room and then closed her eyes again, trying to ignore the way his tone of voice had told her he didn't exactly trust her friends.

_"Only me."_ She replied.

"That's good then." Spike appeared at the bottom of the stairs and watched her open her eyes. He had to admit she really was cute when concentrating so hard on talking to him telepathically.

Relief washed through her on seeing him standing there, dressed in his red shirt and black combats and looking like he was almost back to normal. Only he wasn't. Neither of them ever would be back to normal again; they were changed irrevocably by what they had been through together, and what she had done.

Buffy moved across the room to him immediately, her instincts making her want to protect him from the unsure looks he was receiving from Giles and Willow. When she reached him, she noticed the way his eyes had narrowed and his head had cocked to one side as he watched her. She smiled nervously.

"So you want me to play bloodhound and find him for you?" Spike's tender look disappeared. It stung him inside to talk about Angel with her. He'd witnessed them enough over the years to know that a small thing like a claim wasn't going to stop them feeling for each other. All he really wanted to do was ignore her plea for help and let Angel die, that way he'd be guaranteed there was no way for his grandsire to steal his new found girl away from him.

But he couldn't.

He knew that if he told her he wouldn't help her that she would just go out into LA alone and do her best to find Angel using her senses. It was more dangerous if he didn't help. The chances were she would either get herself killed by the gang, or she would rescue Angel and stay with him.

He wasn't about to let either of those happen.

No, he'd go with her to LA and help her as best he could under the pretence of getting revenge on the gang who beat him to within an inch of his existence. Buffy would know that he was going solely to protect her and his interests but she wouldn't say anything. He'd realised since capturing her and the aftermath of the events that followed that she was the kind of girl that noticed everything, picked up on the tiniest things and saw straight through the lies but never said anything. She'd let him pretend that he was only going so he could do some vengeance, and all the while, she'd know he was there purely to protect his girl.

Dragging his eyes away from her, he looked at the other people in the room, the little red headed Wicca that he'd threatened to bottle, the ever-diligent Watcher that was giving him a look that was clearly meant to tell him not to step out of line, and the mother.

Joyce.

She was a good woman. The only one who'd really listened to him when Drusilla had left him, the only one of them that had actually got close to killing him, the only one he wouldn't eat if given the chance.

He gave her a smile and wasn't surprised when he received a warm smile in return.

Buffy watched the way he was looking around the room, his eyes seemingly just taking in his surroundings as her senses told her different. He was weighing up the situation, measuring up the adversaries and figuring out their strengths and weaknesses.

"Find him _with_ me." She said quietly and watched his head immediately turn to face her, his eyes narrowing questioningly.

He ignored the rest of the room as he fixed his eyes on hers. They seemed to sparkle at him as he looked into them, searching them for the truth behind what she'd just said.

She wasn't commanding him or pleading with him anymore. Her emphasis had been on showing him that she wanted him to be with her on this mission, she wanted him to fight alongside her.

As an equal.

As her mate.

Spike took a step towards her and ran his fingers lightly over her hair, his eyes following them as he gently moved to cup her cheek and raise her head up so he could see into her eyes.

Buffy let her eyes run over the small cuts that still littered his face, the bruises slowly fading more and more each day. She knew the blood she'd given him had helped to quicken the pace of his healing, and if he needed more to strengthen him, she'd offer it to him.

Leaning into the palm of his hand, she almost averted her eyes from his as he smiled down at her. The warmth of it caught her off guard. She was so used to seeing him with a cold expression on his face that the sudden show of real tenderness towards her hit her hard in the chest and she found herself questioning the concept of a soul again. From where she was standing, and the depth of emotions playing out in his eyes, it seemed suddenly clear that he didn't need one to love.

"I've got your back, Summers."


	14. memories are haunted places

**NOTE: Speech in italics between Buffy and Spike is telepathy.**

**Buffy gripped the flashlight tightly in one hand while her other was being held firmly by Spike. She glanced down at their hands, her small fingers interlocking with his and his thumb absentmindedly caressing hers. She wondered if he knew how much he calmed her by doing that. To the eye it seemed like a tiny display of affection, but inside it felt like a whole mountain of tenderness.**

Raising her head, she shone her light into the darkness ahead of them, the honeycomb of tunnels that had probably been here for centuries felt cold and foreboding to her. Bad memories lingered around each corner and the only thing that was keeping her moving forward was the perpetual motion of Spike's thumb against hers.

Her plan was a simple one-or at least it seemed simple on the face of it. They needed to return to the caves to find the Gem of Amara and then get back to her house where her friends would be waiting for them. From there, they would journey to LA to find Angel.

She just hoped that finding the Gem wouldn't take as long as it sounded and that the lingering voice in the back of her mind was wrong-Spike wasn't going to lead her in circles long enough for Angel to be dust in the wind.

She knew that their history was against her. Spike didn't really want to rescue his grandsire from a painful death, not even after he had been saved by him. No, Spike wasn't doing this for Angel.

He was doing it for her.

She'd seen in his eyes that his only reason for going with her now and travelling back to LA to play the hero to her heroine was because she had asked him to and he couldn't let her go alone.

She'd seen a lot more in his eyes besides that.

He wasn't hiding anything from her anymore. She'd seen everything he needed to tell her, and for some reason, it didn't scare her.

It didn't scare her, because she knew that she felt the same way. Even though she couldn't bring herself to admit her feelings out loud, deep inside she knew they were the same as his. The claim she had placed on him was testament to how she felt and it was only a matter of time before she built up the courage to let the whole world know.

Buffy was dragged out of her warm reverie by Spike suddenly coming to a halt. She shone her flashlight in a wide arc in front of them to try and see why he'd stopped.

"Two paths." She raised her brows and looked up at him for an answer.

As he slipped into game face, she let her eyes widen slightly and felt her heart skip a beat. She remembered when he'd tried to throttle her on the bed and the effect it had had on her.

Spike let his eyes slide across to rest on her face as he listened to her heartbeat accelerating. He wondered for a moment if it was just an instinctive reaction to seeing him in vampire guise or whether there was something else at work. Inhaling deeply under the pretence of discovering which direction to go in, he resisted the temptation to smile as he caught the scent of her arousal in the air.

He gave her a sly look and watched her cheeks darken.

Buffy dropped her eyes to rest on the flashlight and tried to ignore the way his gaze seemed to burn into her.

"This way." Spike pointed and then realised she wasn't looking. She was staring at the torch with her head turned slightly away from him in a shy manner.

He'd given up trying to pretend he didn't feel anything towards her. Half way through his shower he had been pondering their interlude in the bathroom and it had dawned on him that if she wanted to know how he felt about her all she had to do was reach out and sense it in him.

Acting like there was nothing happening between them seemed pointless after that.

When she'd spoken into his head about wanting him to go to LA with her he'd surrendered completely to his emotions. William was well and truly free and was making the most of it. Every time he looked at her, he found his head filling with poetry he'd thought was long forgotten.

He let his eyes trace over the profile of her face as they started to walk again, taking in the curve of her lips as she concentrated on the darkness ahead of them and the way her soft golden hair framed her face so perfectly.

As she turned her head to face him he slid out of game face, his features morphing back into human form as his demon receded-forced away by the emotions that rose up on looking into her eyes.

"How close were you?"

"Close enough. Reckon a few more hours drilling and I would have been through the rock and into the chamber."

"And you're sure?" She didn't want to sound sceptical but she had been on the receiving end of Spike's plans often enough to know that they rarely went as he intended.

"Sure as I can be." He led her down a slope and then to the right.

She recognised the area as the one he had carried her through that night.

Spike felt her fingers tense and grip his hand more tightly. He gave her a reassuring squeeze and moved closer to her.

He didn't like being back in the lair anymore than she did, his memories of the place weren't good ones and he got the feeling that they probably weren't alone. Places like this in Sunnydale wouldn't have remained unoccupied for long. He just hoped that his drilling equipment was still there on the scaffolding and that the power supply was still in place.

Moving through the maze of tunnels he kept a firm grip on Buffy's hand, only relinquishing his hold on her once they had arrived in the spot he'd been drilling last.

Spike took the flashlight off Buffy and moved the beam across the room.

Buffy watched as he inched the light up a scaffolding tower and then finally came to rest on a hole in the ceiling. Or at least, the start of a hole.

"There." Spike said quietly. "I was getting close to something. The sounds of the rock was starting to change last time I was drilling, I could hear it getting weaker and thinner. Something echoed in it."

He handed her back the torch and quickly ascended the tower.

Buffy held the flashlight steady as she watched him moving about on the tower.

"Still here." He called down and held the drill up so she could see it. "Find the lamps, they should be near the corners of the room."

Walking around the room, she hummed a quiet tune to calm her nerves as she searched for the lights. The small beam of her torch seemed pathetic as she tried to illuminate the large expanse of the chamber. She frowned into the darkness and smiled as something metal reflected the beam back at her.

Fumbling up the length of the pole, she grasped hold of the switch and flicked it.

"Let there be light." She beamed up at Spike as the room was flooded with a warm yellow glow.

Spike's eyes widened.

Buffy frowned.

The vampire growled.

As he leapt down from the scaffolding, it looked to Spike like Buffy was moving in slow motion. Her eyes grew as round as saucers as she turned to face the large vampire behind her.

"Buffy!" Spike ran towards her as the vampire hit her hard across the face.

She fell to the floor; the only noise she made was the sound of her breath being knocked out of her by the hard ground.

Spike tackled the vampire and pinned him to the dirt, punching him repeatedly across the face as he slid into vampire guise himself. The rage he felt inside him was primal, like nothing he'd experienced before and he knew it was because he'd seen his mate attacked and hurt. He growled viciously as he grasped hold of the vampires head with both hands and twisted it clean off.

Slowly standing up, Spike dusted his knees down and stared at the grey ashes littering the floor. He turned to face Buffy and held his hand out to her.

Buffy looked at his hand for a moment, her heartbeat refusing to settle down and her imagination running away with her as it bought images of the other demons that could be lurking just out of sight in the caves.

Slipping her hand into his, she let him haul her up off the dusty ground. As she brushed down her backside, her eyes remained fixed on his large hand as it firmly held her small one. The thought of what they could do to her seemed to make the images of demons in her head disappear until there was only him.

Holding her hand tightly as he looked after her.

Warmth spread through her and she smiled at him.

"You alright?" Spike watched as her expression turned dreamy and he couldn't help wondering what she was thinking.

"Uh huh." She nodded dumbly and kept her eyes fixed on his as her smile widened.

"You sure?" He was starting to worry that she'd had the sense knocked out of her, the grin on her face was continuing to widen.

"I'm fine. It's just…weird." She realised from the confused look on his face that he didn't have a clue what she was talking about. "I mean, I'm usually the one doing the rescuing and it's just a little weird being the one rescued."

Spike let his brows rise as he looked up at the scaffolding in an attempt to avoid her eyes. He could feel her balancing, could sense what was coming next and he suddenly felt uncomfortable. He was a vampire. He was evil. The fact that he was slowly being pulled over into the world of fighting against evil was bad enough, but being thanked by Buffy for doing good-he didn't want to go there.

Spike wondered at just what moment his whole world had changed.

He already knew the answer-it was staring him in the face, or at least staring at his face. He let his eyes shift to rest on hers as she tried to get his attention.

The moment he'd seen her, he'd fallen. She was in his system quicker than a virus and had taken him over piece by piece each time they'd met.

He let go of her hand.

"It's nothing…" Spike started moving towards the scaffolding again but stopped when he found her hand firmly holding onto his wrist, not letting him get away from her.

"I just wanted to say…" She jumped slightly as he span quickly to face her.

"Don't! It was bad enough when you said it in your bedroom." He said sharply and saw her eyes widen. "Just…I mean…_evil_, love."

The way he'd spoken the word 'evil' had been enough to tell her everything she needed to know. He'd sounded so desperate to reiterate it to her, to put his point across with one little word that she understood perfectly.

She understood why it upset him better than he did.

He was scared.

Not that he'd admit it of course but she could see it clearly in his eyes.

He was scared that he was slipping into the realm of good and he felt he had to stop her before she pulled him in further by thanking him. She let go of his wrist and nodded at him, showing him that she could appreciate where he was coming from.

Watching him mount the scaffolding again, she realised that being with Spike was going to mean living with the things he had done and the things he could do. The more she pushed him to try and make him good, the more likely he was to retaliate and give Sunnydale a massacre the proportions of which it had never seen before.

Walking towards the tower, she mused how she was going to handle him.

Her favoured option of force was well out the window when it came to Spike.

She would have to play gently with him. Let him choose his own path and just give him the occasional nudge in the right direction when he stepped a little too out of line. She hoped the claim would ensure he behaved himself. That being bonded to her and the feelings he felt for her would keep him in check when it came to his desire to hunt.

Either that or she was going to be donating blood a lot.

She just hoped the residents of Sunnydale would be thankful to her for it.

A hand shooting into view caused her thoughts to leap away and she ran her eyes up it to his arm and from there to his face. He was leaning over the edge of the boarding on top of the scaffolding with a patient look on his face.

"Think it's safer if we both stay up here. Not much room, though. Might be a little snug."

Buffy smiled and clasped hold of his forearm near his elbow and squealed slightly as he grabbed her arm and hauled her up onto the platform. She definitely wasn't used to having someone around again who was as strong as she was.

Spike chuckled quietly but stopped when she shot him a glare.

"Sorry. Just never imagined you could make that noise." He picked up the protective helmet and raised his brows at her.

"I could make better noises than that." Buffy mumbled quietly and then bit her lip as his eyes narrowed on hers, the intensity of them showing her that he'd heard.

She silently cursed vampire hearing.

Spike gripped the helmet tighter and decided not to ask her for specifics about the noises she thought she could make. Maybe one day she'd show him first hand.

Putting the helmet securely on his head, he turned to face her and waited for her to laugh.

Only she didn't.

She just smiled at him, like she had the last time he'd expected her to laugh.

He was starting to get the feeling that she was less predictable than he'd always believed she was.

Picking up the drill, he pressed the ignition button and grinned widely as it gunned into life, filling the caves with a loud rattling noise.

Buffy stuck her fingers in her ears and frowned at him.

Spike shut the drill off and grabbed the pair of ear defenders on the platform near him. He'd wanted them to protect his own sensitive ears but he couldn't deny his need to look after her and he found himself offering them to Buffy.

She took them with a smile and slipped them on, wriggling them until they felt somewhere near comfortable. She didn't want to imagine how unattractive they made her look.

When Spike chuckled at her, she didn't have to.

Buffy stuck her tongue out at him and waved dismissively at the drill.

Still smiling to himself over how ridiculous Buffy looked, her small head framed by the giant yellow earmuffs, he lay on his back below the hole and fired the drill up again. He pulled the face guard down and braced himself as he started to drill into the rock.

Buffy let her eyes roam the recesses of the chamber below them as her hands toyed with the flashlight. She couldn't stop replaying the sight of Spike coming to her rescue and killing the vampire who had attacked her.

Was it always going to be like that whenever they were out together?

Would he always have her back the second she slipped up or was in danger?

Buffy surmised that he would because she would do the same for him and for the first time in what seemed like eternity, she felt safe. She couldn't deny that it was a nice feeling to have. After all the years of fighting countless demons alone or with her friends, she would finally have someone alongside her who could defend her if she needed it.

Not that she'd need it.

But it was a nice feeling to have.

Angel had protected her while on patrol and she'd been thankful for it, but Spike protecting her had a different feeling to it altogether. She knew Angel would have done anything to save her but she got the feeling that Spike would go beyond the limits of what Angel would sacrifice.

He'd die if it ensured that she'd survive.

Extending her senses and focusing on him, she closed her eyes and let her feelings wash away, only to have them replaced by his a moment later.

She frowned.

He felt tired.

His muscles were protesting over their current constant use when they had grown used to not being in demand. She could feel the struggle within him-the desperate need to keep the drill steady so he would break through the rock faster.

Buffy pulled the plug.

Spike sat up and lifted the visor. He looked at her wearily and then frowned as he saw she was the reason the drill had stopped.

"Give me the drill."

"No." Spike said flatly, but saw she wasn't going to take it as an answer.

"Give me the drill."

"No."

"I'm not asking you for the drill, Spike. I'm telling you to give me the damn drill." Buffy knit her brows and held out her hand.

"Why?" Spike frowned at her, not relinquishing his grip on the drill.

"Because you won't admit it but I know you're tired. You need a rest." Buffy watched his expression soften on hearing the note of concern in her voice. She kept her eyes locked with his as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail. Her heart hammered hard against her ribs. Taking a deep breath, she curled her outstretched hand up and crooked her finger. "Come here."

Spike blinked at her, unsure of why she wanted him to come to her but still getting the feeling that she was up to something.

He placed the drill down and took off the helmet, running his fingers over his platinum locks before moving slowly along the platform to her.

Buffy met his eyes again and tilted her head to one side. "You're weak still, I know you don't want that…you want to pretend that you're a hundred and ten percent again but I can feel you, Spike…I can feel that you're weak and you're tired. Drink."

Spike stared at his marks on her neck as he considered her words and her offer. They were nothing more than a few scabs and scars now. She was asking him to bite her again, to feed from her and inflict a new set of wounds on her throat. He slowly moved his eyes back to hers, and frowned.

"Angel will see." He said in a tone that expressed just how curious he was about her motives.

"It's a risk I'm willing to take. I need you strong, Spike. Feeling you this way…only makes me concerned about you…I feel like I can't concentrate. And since when have you needed someone to ask you to bite them?"

"Since I met you." Spike spoke the words quietly and moved his eyes to her neck. "Funny thing that…thought I'd bite you in a heartbeat, but turns out it doesn't feel right if it isn't consensual."

Buffy's stomach warmed up and flipped. From the look in his eyes, she could see that he was being honest with her and part of her wanted to thank him for not wanting to bite her without permission-only she remembered how well her last attempt to thank him for something went.

"It's always consensual, Spike." She blushed slightly on saying it out loud to him and could see by his widening grin that he'd picked up on the fact that she liked it.

Leaning towards her, Spike slipped into vampire guise and wrapped his arm around her waist, tugging her to him and holding her tight as he perused her neck. He was more fascinated than hungry, the thought of his grandsire seeing his own marks replaced by his childe's was too sweet a one to ignore. He brushed his lips against her neck and listened as she sighed out her breath, her head moving to grant him easier access.

Spike breathed in deeply and closed his eyes.

He was enthralled.

It wasn't just Slayer blood anymore, he was captivated by the thought that she was his-body and soul, blood and heart. He belonged to her now, was claimed by her and would be always unless she reversed it soon. He knew she didn't realise that by allowing him to feed from her she was strengthening their bond to the point where it was becoming irreversible. He didn't have the heart to tell her that of course.

He didn't have a heart.

Letting his teeth slowly puncture her throat he made the most out of it, relishing the way she bit back a moan and how her fingers threaded gently into his hair and held him against her. She was divine, a creature more perfect than any he'd imagined. She clung to him in the most exquisite way and he found himself clinging to her tightly in return.

Drinking deeply from her, he savoured each drop of blood that passed down his throat, feeling it melting into his veins and making him stronger as it became a part of him.

He'd never let her go.

It was just a matter of time before he made his move. He would wait for the moment; the very second that she showed him that she really wanted to be his and his alone.

Then she'd find that this claim between them now was just the beginning.

_tbc... Also, this story is up in the Readers Choice Poll at the Vampire Kisses Awards, if you like it, please follow the link in my profile and vote for it! Thanks!_


	15. Gem of Amara

**NOTE: Speech in italics between Buffy and Spike is telepathy.**

**Spike was mesmerised.**

He couldn't take his eyes off her as she lay on her back, the heavy drill resting slightly against her slight frame and the vibrations causing her breasts to wobble. He raised his brows and stared at them. They were slowly being covered by a layer of small rocks and dust but each time she shifted, the covering fell away and revealed them again.

He smiled.

She seemed to have everything in the palm of her hands-strength, agility, grace, beauty, perfection and most of all, him.

He continued to stare at her, unable to tear his eyes away from her chest. He didn't even realise she'd broken through the rock above her until she was on her feet and putting the drill down. She lifted her visor up and peered into the hole.

Spike shook his head to clear it and grabbed the torch that rested on the platform nearby. Walking over to her, he clicked the button in and shone the light up into the rough entrance.

In the darkness, he could make out a vaulted ceiling; old frescos adorned it along with some form of decorative stone relief.

Buffy pulled the helmet off and looked to Spike.

"Wait here. There should be some lanterns in this room somewhere. I'll go find them. Just keep an eye out for trouble." He slid into vampire guise and handed her the torch before dropping to the floor.

Buffy shone the beam around the room, trying to scout for potential danger in the dark recesses where the lamp couldn't reach. Reaching out with her senses she could only feel Spike in the vicinity, no other dangers registered on her Slayer radar. She listened to him as he moved around the tunnels nearby, his boots making a quiet scraping sound in the dirt as he used his heightened vampire sight to find the lamps.

He held his arm up to cover his eyes as he reappeared directly in the spotlight of her torch.

"Jesus…Slayer…blind a man, why don't you." He growled and slid out of vampire guise, his eyes hurting from the intensity of the light.

"Sorry." Buffy smiled awkwardly at him as he ascended the scaffolding.

He handed a lantern to her with a flourish and gave her a smile.

Buffy turned the torch off and turned on the battery-powered lamp. It glowed eerily white in the darkness, casting strange shadows in the chamber.

Placing it inside the room above them, she hauled herself through the makeshift entrance and then stood up slowly, taking the lamp with her. She held it up high and looked around the room as she waited for Spike to follow her.

There was row upon row of dead men, nothing more than remnants of skin and bones now. She surmised they had been there for a long time, as long as Giles had predicted when he'd told them before they'd left about the last known sighting of the Gem of Amara.

Spike of course had felt the need to add more detail to everything Giles said.

It was all she could do to keep from laughing even now. The look on Giles' face had been priceless, his brows knitting indignantly each time Spike had added his titbit of information in a sardonic tone of voice.

Buffy turned to look at the vampire in question as he looked around the room, a frown etched on his features and his lips slightly parted in concentration.

"So what exactly are we looking for…ring, bracelet, necklace?"

Spike shrugged. "Haven't the foggiest. Weren't exactly any pictures of it in the research I did."

Buffy giggled. Spike arched a brow at her.

"Sorry…just…never pictured you as research guy. You and Giles would get along so well…if you don't count the bickering you guys did over the Gem yesterday." She started moving around the room in the hopes of avoiding the way he was looking at her-like she was proposing he should don angel's wings and sing at the Christmas pageant.

"I know it's green. Gem like. That's all."

"So how are we supposed to find it?" She ran her fingers over the end of one of the tombs and then pulled a face as she saw all the dust on her fingers. She wiped them hurriedly on her jeans. "I mean, I hate to say this, but it's a needle in a haystack kinda scenario."

Spike pulled a switchblade out of his pocket and held it out with the handle pointing towards her. Buffy stared at it but didn't take it.

"It's easy, love. I try something on, you cut me. Process of elimination."

Buffy didn't like the sound of that; the thought of cutting him each time he put something on made her stomach turn. She looked around the room at the hundreds of pieces of jewellery and artefacts that had gems on them. By the time they found what they were looking for, he could be as weakened as when she'd rescued him.

"No." She said flatly and saw his brows knit into a frown.

"No?" He sounded incredulous, as if no one had ever said it to him before.

"No." Buffy shook her head vehemently. "I don't want to hurt you anymore than you are already."

Spike stepped towards her and tilted his head to one side. "I'll be fine. We get the Gem and it will heal me…so, no harm done, right?"

He felt his free hand twitching by his side as she furrowed her brows. He desperately wanted to stroke her cheek and reassure her more than he was allowing himself to, but the closer they got to mounting the attempt to rescue Angel, the less inclined he was to lay his heart out on a silver platter. He mused that what was left of his heart may be dead but it still hurt like hell when it got trampled on.

"_If_ we find the Gem." Buffy gave him a stern look.

"It's here, just got to find it." He looked around the room and then down at the knife in his hand. "If you don't want to do it…"

Buffy watched in horror as he grinned wide and drew the blade down the length of his forearm, cutting himself deep enough to make her want to be sick at the sight of the wound. As his blood started to spill out, she found the sickened feeling in her stomach growing worse as it was joined by blind panic.

"You…there are no words for how stupid you are." She growled and looked up at him with a frantic expression, then froze as she realised that he'd turned the tables on her. Where she had cut herself in order to get him to do something to her, he was now cutting himself to get her to find the Gem. Buffy mumbled. "Idiot vampire."

Spike held his arm out to her and watched her face blanch of colour as the frantic edge returned to her eyes. "Clock's ticking, pet."

He smiled as he watched her start to move around the room searching for anything with a green gem in it. Spike casually walked around the tombs trying on everything from necklaces to bracelets to rings in the hope of finding something that would heal him.

It wasn't that the wound on his arm was life threatening, not like Buffy was treating it as. It stung a little, but it was nothing when compared to what he'd suffered at the hands of the vigilantes. It was more irritating than anything, a hard throbbing that he knew she could feel as keenly as he could. The sight of her so panic-stricken had made him instantly regret his decision to cut himself. He'd done it to spite her. To see just how much she cared about him so that later in LA-when they had found Angel-he could compare the panic she felt for him to how panicked she got about Angel.

He toyed with a small bracelet, a delicate weave of gold and diamonds.

It would be perfect for her little wrist.

Buffy raised her head to look at Spike as she walked towards him with an armful of jewellery. He was staring down at something with a soft but distant smile on his face and she wondered what he was looking at. As she reached him, he moved his hand so the object he'd been so fascinated with was hidden from her.

"Try these." Buffy dumped them down on the tomb next to him and started handing him them one by one.

As he tried on and discarded the last one, she started to lose hope that they would find the Gem of Amara in amongst the masses of jewellery surrounding them. Buffy slipped her fingers under his hand and raised it up slightly, furrowing her brows as she noticed that it was covered in blood.

Spike swallowed hard as he felt what she was feeling inside.

Hurt.

Pain.

Fear.

All too reminiscent of the feelings he'd sensed in her that night in these very caves.

Grabbing a rag off the tomb, he let go of her hand and wiped his own clean with it before raising his arm up and licking along the length of his wound. It wouldn't heal it but it would alleviate some of her distress.

Spike took a deep breath to steady himself.

"I'm sorry."

Buffy's eyes shot up to meet his, a questioning frown etched on her features over the sincere way he'd said those two words. She closed her eyes as the backs of his fingers brushed against her cheek, sapping the warmth from her but replacing it with its own kind of heat.

"We'll find this Gem, Buffy…and we'll be in LA before you know it." Spike let go of her cheek and started to walk towards the table at the end of the room.

Buffy remained with her eyes closed for a few seconds as she absorbed the warmth of the touch and the way his words reassured her deeper than he could have possibly known. Turning around, she followed him to the other end of the room and silently began to look through the piles of artefacts and jewellery there.

Picking idly at the lockets and rings and other trinkets gathered on the table she let a smile creep across her face as she held up a tiara. She turned to Spike with a mischievous look and showed it to him.

Spike rolled his eyes in a way that said he was clearly unimpressed.

"Would be funny, though." She grinned as she tossed it to one side, thankful that the mood between them was starting to lighten up.

Her fingers grasped a small ring. Holding it up for inspection, she frowned at the green stone that resembled a scarab beetle. It felt different to all the things she picked up so far. She could almost feel power in this one.

Her stomach flipped with nerves.

As she stared at it, the atmosphere around her suddenly felt heavy, full of tension as she mused how such a small thing could bring so much power to Spike.

More power than even she had.

Her stomach bubbled again and she swore her hands were trembling. In the back of her mind doubt surfaced. She wasn't wholly sure what to expect from Spike once he had the Gem of Amara. How was he going to react to commanding all that power? Would he kill her?

As Spike turned to look at her, she jumped slightly, betraying the fact that she was nervous about something. He looked down at her hand and arched a brow at the gold ring she held in it.

Spike reached his hand out to her. He could sense how anxious she was and he knew she had found something of interest.

Buffy slowly placed the ring on his finger, her hands shaking even though she was trying her hardest to stop them. She watched him sniff and then frown as he waited for something to happen.

Her eyes widened as the remnants of cuts and bruises on his face disappeared, leaving behind his usual smooth pale skin. Looking down at his arm, she blinked as the long cut there healed itself.

Spike let a grin stretch across his face as he felt the power flood his system, his cracked ribs and wounds all healing rapidly. Picking a cross up off the table, he slid into game face and let his smile widen as he chuckled.

Buffy took a step backwards and away from him as the nerves in her stomach escalated. In front of her was the Spike she'd thought had long gone, the sociopath killer she'd known two years ago.

She gasped as he grabbed hold of her wrist tightly and pulled her flush against him. His arm snaking around her waist, he grinned down at her and held her firm as she wriggled.

Buffy went still as he brushed his lips against her neck. Her eyes rolled backwards and her heart raced. The intensity of his signature in her abdomen made her feel sick, the strength of it seemed to have increased a hundred fold and it made her head spin.

"Spike…" Buffy breathed into his ear and listened to him growl against her neck. "…We really need to move…"

"Not yet…" Spike purred. "Something I need to do first."

Buffy whimpered as he held her painfully tight and bit down hard on the left side of her neck. As the initial shock and pain faded away, she found herself clinging to his shoulders as he pressed her backside into the table. His hips rubbing against hers.

Threading her fingers into his hair, she let them tease it into intricate swirls and listened to him growl low. She knew it wasn't a threatening growl or a commanding one, this one rang of appreciation-he liked what she was doing.

As he pulled harder on her blood, she realised it wasn't just his signature that felt different. His bite felt stronger, more intense. It was more like death but at the same time, she felt safe.

Spike released her neck and licked it clean. He frowned at how deep he'd bitten her when he saw the wound. It had been a moment of need on his part, an undeniable desire to leave his mark on her and ensure that she was his. He knew that the moment he pulled back he'd find a questioning look in her eyes.

So he didn't move.

"I needed to…I felt…I just needed to do it." He pressed a soft kiss against her throat before turning sharply and walking towards the hole in the floor.

Buffy was stunned. Reaching her hand up she pressed it against the marks on her neck. Her eyes widened.

He'd bitten the opposite side of her neck.

The unmarked side.

Watching him climb through the hole and back into the chamber below, she realised why he'd done it. It hadn't been unmotivated or just something he needed to do. He'd intentionally marked both sides of her neck so no matter what she did, Angel would see.

Her stomach flipped.

She was well and truly his now.


	16. City of Angel

**NOTE: Speech in italics between Buffy and Spike is telepathy.**

**Buffy flinched as the van jolted over a pothole and almost caused her to fall from where she was precariously balanced in the back of it on one of the low benches that ran along its sides. Spike raised his head up where he was sitting opposite her and growled.**

"Bloody hell, keep an eye on wolf boy's driving up there, would you, Red?" He scowled towards the front of the van before lowering his head again and staring at his hands.

Willow looked back at Buffy and Spike from her comfortable perch in between Giles and Oz on the front seat. "Sorry."

Turning her head back towards the windscreen, she muttered. "Cranky vampire."

"Hey…" Spike hollered at her in an indignant tone. "I heard that."

Buffy suddenly found his eyes on hers for the first time since he'd bitten her after they'd found the Gem. They hadn't spoken since then, she'd fallen silent on the walk home and he'd avoided meeting her eyes at all costs. She toyed nervously with the axe in her lap. She didn't know why she'd brought it with her; it was for comfort she supposed-it wasn't like she could kill the people responsible for hurting Spike and kidnapping Angel.

Looking into the deep blue depths of the eyes that were firmly locked on hers, she realised that she couldn't let Spike kill them either. She could see in his eyes that he wanted revenge. He was itching for the fight even more than she was and she couldn't blame him. If someone had hurt her that badly she would have been out for a little vengeance, too. She surmised that she also was-in a way. She was dealing out payback on the gang that had assaulted her mate and taken her former lover.

Spike let his brows knit as his eyes moved to rest on her throat. The deep bite marks that adorned it were rapidly bruising and by the time they arrived in Los Angeles, they would be almost black. He felt his stomach tighten up and looked away, letting his eyes roam anywhere but where he'd bitten her.

Buffy reached out and tried to grasp how he was feeling. She could sense complete disharmony in him. His feelings were chaotic underneath his supposedly calm exterior, but in amongst them she could sense guilt and anger at himself. She'd wanted an apology from him for what he'd done to her but now she didn't need him to verbally say one to her, he had done it emotionally instead.

She placed her axe down on the low, bench like shelf she was sitting on and fixed her eyes on him. He was staring down at his hands again, picking at his nail varnish and making it more chipped than it was before.

Buffy reached out and was surprised to find that it had become more instinctive to her, she didn't feel the need to concentrate in order to talk telepathically anymore.

"_Spike._"

She watched his fingers freeze.

"_Don't ignore me._"

He raised his head up slowly and looked into her eyes. She frowned on seeing them so full of sorrow.

"_Better. Are we good?_" She let her brows relax as he nodded slowly.

"_We're always good, love._" He smiled briefly at her.

"_I hate this feeling._"

Spike arched his brows and cocked his head to one side, wondering if she was talking about the air of discomfort between them. "_What feeling?_"

"_The build up to the fight. I don't like it when I have time beforehand to think about it…you were always the worst for that…_"

His brows rose. "_I was?_"

"_Don't give me the innocent look. I remember the night I met you…in the alley. You gave me the date of our next meeting and stated flatly you were gonna kill me…I had days to sit and wonder…of course, Giles didn't help with his stupid books and research, telling me how you killed Slayers…_"

Spike shrugged.

"_Think it wasn't murder for me to have to wait that long? Hell, you were there…I couldn't wait. Had to bloody see you…fight you…just do anything to be…_"

Buffy frowned as he cut himself off. "_To be what?_"

"_It doesn't matter…it's nothing._"

She shook her head. "_Nu huh…you're not getting away with letting that hang there…it's going to ruin my concentration if I'm thinking about that all through the fight._"

Spike surrendered and moved to sit next to her. She turned slightly to face him and smiled as he pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"_I couldn't get you out of my head. I still can't. Drusilla saw straight through me. I was blind. I would've done anything to get close to you…I still would._"

Buffy placed her hand into his and squeezed it. "_You are close to me. You're the one with the magical Buffy insight…can't you see that? You told me that I don't let people get close to me, you're close to me Spike…sometimes a little too close._"

He dropped his eyes to her neck and stared blankly at the marks. She was right, she had let him get close to her and he'd bitten her for it. He'd taken the trust she'd shown him and used it against her in a fit of petty jealousy. He brushed the pads of his fingers over the wound and then looked up into her eyes.

Buffy frowned on seeing his eyes so full of sadness. Letting go of his hand, she cupped his cheek and drew him towards her.

"_It's fine. I know why you did it. You don't need to explain anything to me._"

She leant closer to him and felt her breathing hitch in her throat as her lips neared his.

"Everything alright back there?" Giles turned to see Buffy shooting away from Spike with an awkward smile on her face.

Spike growled.

"All good." Buffy grinned and then moved her eyes back to Spike's as Giles turned around again.

Spike stared at her. He couldn't quite believe that she had been about to kiss him and now that moment had passed, flitted away and left his lips aching for her touch. He shifted closer to her and watched her cheeks turn rosy as her eyes dropped to rest on her knees.

Placing two fingers under her chin, he slowly raised her head up and let his gaze settle on her lips, their shiny redness luring him in. He stopped breathing as she closed her eyes, her head tilting back slightly in invitation. Since kissing her thighs while healing her wounds, he'd been dreaming about kissing her lips, wanting to explore them with his own and feel how soft they were.

He listened to her heart as it pounded against her chest, her blood rushing through her veins and her breathing becoming heavy.

It was all too sweet, too perfect.

Sitting in the back of a dark van with three of her friends not two metres from him, and her willing to let him kiss her. Him. Kiss her. This girl that had played on his mind from the moment he'd seen her; this woman that had teased him without ever knowing it. She had slipped through his grasp innumerable times and now she was openly submitting to him.

Taking a long deep breath, he zeroed in on her mouth and moved towards her slowly. He rolled his eyes closed as his lips touched hers.

Buffy furrowed her brows as a sweep of tingles raced through her body, shivering down her spine and making her insides heat through. The feeling of his lips brushing gently against hers was incredible. They were soft and tender with their kiss. She felt like she was nothing more than a girl again and experiencing her first, her stomach swirling with nerves and her heart beating sickeningly hard against her chest.

Spike sighed out through his nose as he pulled away. He felt floored. Unable to think clearly-unable to think at all. All he could concentrate on was the feeling buzzing inside of him, and the desperate need to kiss her again-to taste her sweetness and her innocence.

He opened his eyes slowly and looked at her. She was sitting with her hands in her lap, her eyes closed and her lips parted slightly.

She was an angel.

She was beautiful.

She was his.

Opening her eyes on feeling him so warm and affectionate towards her, Buffy blushed as she smiled shyly. She slipped her fingers into his and let her head come to rest against his shoulder as they journeyed on towards Los Angeles.

Los Angeles.

Those two words made her body ache with conflict and she held Spike's hand a little tighter, watching his thumb caressing hers idly like he'd done when they were in the his old lair. She realised it was because he could sense her nerves and apprehension and was wordlessly trying to soothe her.

"Almost there, Buffy." Willow called back at her from the front of the van.

Buffy frowned as the side door of the van slid open, revealing an early evening lit side street of LA to them. Spike let go of her hand and she looked at it. It felt strangely cold without his holding it firmly. Picking up her axe, she hopped down from the van and stretched as she gazed up at the building Angel ran his business from.

Cordelia was pacing nervously on the steps.

Spike stepped out of the van with an unimpressed look on his face and then frowning as he looked up at the evening sky with a distrusting air. Buffy could see he clearly wasn't happy about being back in LA.

Cordelia's eyes widened in alarm on seeing Spike and her nervous pacing grew more rapid. She wrapped her arms tight around herself and gave him furtive looks as he and Buffy walked towards her, closely followed by the rest of the gang.

"Cordy." Buffy said calmly and ignored the way she was reacting to Spike's presence. "Let's go indoors."

As she stepped into the building, Buffy couldn't help reaching out to Spike and sensing how he was feeling. He was full of anger the moment he crossed the threshold, the sight of the basement door clearly a painful reminder of what happened the last time he was here. Buffy turned her head slightly and caught his eye as she gave him a small reassuring smile.

"This won't take long." She said quietly and then followed Cordelia up the stairs to the first floor.

Settled around the table in Angel's office, Buffy remained near Spike as Cordelia desperately tried to get things in order. Buffy could see that she was nervous, and it wasn't just about Spike. She was getting the feeling that the brunette was nervous about herself being there, that Cordelia's concern for Angel was more than just that of a friend.

"We need all the information you have on what happened to Angel and what the vigilantes have been up to; if there have been any sightings in specific locations, I need to know about them. I know Angel was looking into this gang, so he'll have the file somewhere. Time is important, Cordy. The quicker you give us what we need the quicker we can get moving."

"We?" Cordelia looked stunned. "Don't tell me he's going with you? I mean it's one thing to bring him back here, but to take him with you to find Ang…"

"Listen…I don't have time for this…" Buffy ground out from between clenched teeth and then took a breath to steady herself. "I'm going to find Angel but I need Spike with me in order to do it…I don't see you volunteering to come along as back up and I don't think you quite have the senses for tracking…so do what I asked you to and make it snappy."

Spike frowned as Cordelia looked at him and then hurried out of the room muttering to herself.

Buffy tried to ignore the way her friends were looking at her. She knew it was wrong of her to shout at Cordelia at a time like this, but she didn't need another person questioning her liaison with Spike or her reasons for having him with her. She glanced over at him and felt her stomach heat up like a volcano as he gave her a crooked smile.

Casting a glance around the room at her friends, she couldn't help noticing the way their eyes continually worked their way from her back to Spike. She couldn't blame them for being on edge around him. He'd joked enough times about eating them and she'd seen the look in his eyes when he thought she wasn't looking. To him they were all fair game. The only one he hadn't looked at in that calculating way was her mother. She knew the only thing stopping him from killing them all right this minute was the fact she'd told him not to and that seemed good enough-for now at least.

Buffy walked over to them and sensed Spike's disapproval at her leaving his side. She ignored the desire to go back to him and continued towards her friends.

"Hey, Will." She spoke quietly and frowned slightly as Spike started pacing the room. Willow's eyes followed his every move. "He won't hurt you, I promise…I know that you're all probably thinking I'm crazy, but I swear to you he won't try anything."

Willow didn't look convinced.

Buffy looked over her shoulder at Spike and widened her eyes slightly to intimate that he wasn't helping. He stopped dead and narrowed his eyes on hers before dropping them to rest on her lips.

She subconsciously licked them.

Tearing her eyes away from him, she turned back to Willow, Giles and Oz.

"Please…trust me, guys. I can't explain what happened but…it's deep…the connection runs deep between us…I can't ignore it, and it certainly isn't just going to go away…" Buffy saw that Willow was starting to cave and looked over her shoulder to Spike. "Come over for a second?"

Spike paused for a moment, as if he was considering her request carefully, and then moved towards her. When he reached her, he stared straight at her neck. Buffy sighed as she realised he wasn't going to make things easy for her.

She ducked her head and caught his eye. "_Spike…don't be an ass…just, these are my friends, I'm not going to lose them because they think you're going to make a snack out of them…please?_"

The sound of her pleading with him was enough to make him reconsider his actions and think about doing what she asked. He knew she rarely pleaded with anyone and for her to do so to him must have taken a lot, even with the bond.

Spike let his eyes move across to her lips again. He felt like they were singing a siren song to him; now that he'd tasted her a little he only craved it more. If he kept giving her friends the 'I'm going to eat you' looks, he'd never get to kiss her again.

"_Fine…_" He watched her lips twitch into a smile and licked his own. "_On one condition_."

"_Name it_." Buffy didn't hesitate.

Spike just stared at her mouth and heard her heart beat harder as her teeth worried her lower lip.

"_Spike…I…in the van…I…_" She furrowed her brows and realised that she couldn't say 'no'.

She had no excuse ready.

Nothing came to mind.

Because she wanted to kiss him again as badly as he wanted to kiss her.

She could feel Willow, Oz and Giles staring at her as her eyes remained locked with Spike's. Her hands trembled and she clasped them together to try and stop them. Her mouth seemed drier than the Sahara.

Her heart raced.

Palms sweated.

Anticipation.

It was killing her.

Spike took a step towards her and saw her back away. He continued stalking her in the same manner until she bumped into the desk and couldn't escape him. He grinned down at her.

Buffy felt her knees buckle.

Swallowing hard, she found her eyes falling to rest on his mouth, the full lower lip begging her to kiss it, to lick it and nip at it.

Spike smirked as he tilted his head to one side, listening to all the hallmarks of arousal as they took over her body. He leaned in close to her neck and inhaled the tempting fragrance of her blood.

Buffy closed her eyes and gripped the edge of the desk tightly as she waited for him to make his move. She willed her heartbeat to slow down so her head stopped feeling like it was spinning. Her stomach ached with anticipation.

Suddenly the feeling of him drifted away. She couldn't sense his body next to hers or feel his cool breath against her neck. Opening her eyes, she found her friends all staring at her and Spike was nowhere to be seen.

"Son of a…" Buffy grumbled and looked towards the doorway, feeling more than a little stupid over being so enthralled by him in front of her friends.

She went to move to find him but Willow caught her arm.

"Buffy. You okay?"

Buffy smiled at the first show of genuine concern she'd received from her friends in what seemed like a long time. "I will be once I get hold of that tricky little bastard."

"Buffy…" Willow released her arms and looked over her shoulder at Giles for reassurance. "…We trust you…it's just, free range vampire with a history of trying to kill us all? It's going to take a little getting used to."

Buffy sighed out her relief and touched Willow's arm. "Thanks…it's taking a lot for me to get used to him, too, and I'm the one who claimed him. Could my life get any crazier?"

The sound of swearing and screaming in the other room made her cringe. She could hear Cordelia screeching and Spike growling obscenities, and then something that sounded like glass shattering. Running to the door of the office, she grasped hold of the doorframe and stared wide eyed at them.

"What the hell is going on here?" She shouted and watched them both pause mid-swing.

She couldn't believe the mess as she looked around the room, vases and lamps had been smashed and pieces of paper littered the floor. Just how could one vampire and a girl make so much damage in such a short amount of time?

Buffy realised that the answer to that would be something verging on easy if the vampire was Spike and she was the girl. They had always managed to cause a mass amount of destruction with their fights.

"She started it." Spike pointed at Cordelia, a lit cigarette bobbing up and down on his lips.

Buffy was bought sharply back to reality.

"He's smoking…" Cordelia whined at Buffy and she wondered if her voice could reach a higher pitch without it leaving even her hearing scale. "I told him not to…told him I'd kick his skinny white behind if he lit that thing up…does he listen? Rude vampire."

"Stupid bint." Spike growled at her and blew cigarette smoke into her face with a malevolent grin.

"Oh, that is it…" Cordelia swung hard and grunted with effort.

Spike caught hold of her fist in a casual manner, his expression turning bored.

"Spike…" Buffy set her sights on him. Her eyes narrowed and she tensed her jaw up as she walked towards him. "Let her go and put out that damn cigarette."

Spike just arched his brow, both the cigarette and his grip on Cordelia's hand remaining firmly in place.

"Spike, I'm not going to ask you again." She stood next to him and put her hands on her hips.

Spike leaned his head back so he was looking down at her, his eyes narrowing in a show of defiance.

"Right." Buffy went to punch him but found that the hand he'd been holding Cordelia's with was quickly wrapped around her own.

She gasped as he twisted her around so she was leaning over backwards and then rolled her eyes closed as his lips descended upon hers. Her whole body went lax under the subtle pressure of his kiss, his large hands holding her steady and his body as close to hers as possible. As he pulled away, she just stared into his eyes. She was too shocked to do anything else or to make sense of her situation. All she could focus on was Spike, his fingers as they held her waist and supported her back, his eyes as they searched hers and his mouth as he smiled at her.

Her lips played into a serene smile and she brushed her fingers lightly against his forearm.

Spike blinked at her languidly. "_You're beautiful._"

Buffy's cheeks burned up.

Giles coughed.


	17. persuasion

**Note: Speech between Buffy Spike in italics is telepathy.**

**Spike stared down at the city blueprints and the maps spread across the large desk in Angel's office. He was leaning over the table, his weight supported on his clenched fists as he pressed his knuckles into the wood. **

His brows knit.

Buffy had moved slowly around the table and had come to settle next to him like it was now the most natural thing in the world for her to do.

He closed his eyes briefly and inhaled.

He didn't know what had possessed him to kiss her. It was more that he wanted her to kiss him so that her friends would see she needed him. He wasn't sure if it would have helped her in her attempt to win them over about him or whether it would have just hindered her.

The fact was that he couldn't help himself when she'd come in to the lobby to see what was happening between himself and Cordelia.

The second she'd appeared, his attention had been wholly with her, the argument with the dark haired girl completely forgotten and the words he'd thrown at her had been for show.

It was all bravado.

To win the girl.

He surmised that testosterone wasn't something that left you when you became a vampire and-if anything-it got even more potent.

She had looked so beautiful as she commanded the room-not giving or taking a single inch in her attempt to break up the fray. He'd been mesmerised. Her signature and scent buried itself deep inside his un-beating heart, wormed its way into him until there was no way he was ever going to be able to get her out of his system. It was clear to him that he was never going to be the same again. The vampire he had been not three weeks ago was still there, it was still him, only now he had something in his existence that ranked higher than the hunt and the blood.

Spike frowned at that thought.

She was more important to him than blood?

She was his blood.

His life.

His everything.

He'd never been one to fall gently, both in life and death.

But he'd never fallen this hard, this fast before.

He'd never been so unsure about what was going to happen-not since he was William.

Spike flared his nostrils and tensed his jaw, exhaling sharply as he stared unseeingly at the maps below him. He started as he felt her small hand run over his shoulder, her concern echoing in his body as she watched him.

Closing his eyes, he allowed himself a moment to enjoy her feelings for him and then met her gaze. Her face was a mask of beautiful emotions. Her green eyes watching him with slight anxiety and her round lips twitching at the corners into a smile that showed him she really meant everything he was seeing in her expression and feeling in her body.

There was a word for her, balanced precariously on the tip of his tongue.

_Effulgent_.

Spike bought his hand up and placed it over hers where it rested on his shoulder. He smiled at her before he looked down at the maps again and noticed her eyes fell there also.

Buffy looked down at the maps. Standing next to Spike in front of her friends and planning just where they were going to start looking for Angel had a weird feel to it. It wasn't so much the friends or the planning. It was Spike.

She felt like she was no longer the only General in the room. Standing beside him it was as if they were both in command, or at least that she was in control and had a first officer that knew a lot more about warfare than she did.

It was a nice feeling.

Having backup that could do just that. Back her up. For once, she was going into a fight with someone by her side to help her and she didn't have to worry about him getting hurt.

She shifted her gaze off the maps to rest on the ring that encircled a finger on his left hand.

At least in theory she didn't have to worry, but the tiny part of her mind where that niggling voice lived was very much awake today and taunting her.

Her eyes widened as she felt something brush against her hand where it was pressed against the table. Looking down at it, calm washed through her as she saw Spike's hand brushing against hers, his little finger playing with her one.

Buffy swallowed her apprehension about the upcoming fight and smiled at him.

"They took him during the day?" She turned her attention back to Cordelia who was standing on the opposite side of the table to them. From the look on her face, it was clear to Buffy that she hadn't missed the display of mutual affection that had played out between her and Spike.

"Down the sewers." Cordelia gestured towards the basement. "There's an entrance down there that Angel always used when he needed to get around the city unnoticed."

"Or un-fried." Spike muttered as he pressed his finger against the blueprint that mapped out the network of sewers in Los Angeles. "They could have gone anywhere from here; there's about five different directions breaking off from this one point."

"But you'll be able to pick up a scent?" Buffy looked concerned.

Spike let his brows furrow as jealously swept through him. The thought of her intense concern for Angel made him want to push away from her. He squashed down his desire and kept his eyes fixed on the map.

"Give me blood, I'll give you Angel cake." He said emotionlessly and let his eyes trace the possible directions the gang could have escaped in.

Closing his eyes, he tried to remember where he'd been the night that he'd been attacked. He had driven his Desoto into the heart of Los Angeles and then he'd stopped. He'd been unsure of where to go and had wound up down by the ocean somewhere. Images of hangars and cranes flashed into his head and he knit his brows again.

The docks.

He remembered he'd gone there to watch the moon play on the water, a bottle of bourbon keeping him company as he sat perched on the bonnet of his car and thinking of her. His gaze moved to rest on her where she was walking around the table, her eyes fixed on the maps as a frown of concentration wrinkled her nose.

He hadn't realised back then that the reason she was on his mind so much was because she'd claimed him. He had presumed there was only one emotion at work and not the multitude it took to create a bond between them.

Spike felt his jaw tense as he ran through what had happened that night. He'd been drowning his sorrows in an attempt to rid himself of the feeling of loss that being parted from Buffy had instilled in him. There had been the noise of doors opening and a few minutes gap of silence, and then there had been pain.

Blinding, searing, pain.

He rolled his shoulder and sniffed as he tried to ignore the feeling of rage that boiled up inside of him. The desire to kill flooded his veins and almost overwhelmed him.

Buffy shot her head up and frowned at Spike as she felt his signature grow stronger, laced with fury and darkness.

Moving around the table, she hesitated for a moment in front of him. His eyes were almost black as he looked at her. His expression hard and unforgiving.

Spike narrowed his eyes on her, expecting her to lash out at him or to drag him away from her friends so they were safe from harm.

His eyes widened in shock as, instead of doing as he'd predicted she would, she wrapped her arms around his neck and cradled him to her-allowing him to bury his face into her throat as she held him tightly.

Buffy let her cheek rest against his neck as she ran her fingers in small circles on his leather-coated shoulders. She knew without question what had upset him; instinct told her he needed comfort and she was the one to give it to him-to bring him back down to earth and ground him again.

Murmuring quiet words to him, she stroked the soft hair on the back of his head as he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tight enough to break her back-if she'd been a normal girl.

Buffy met Willow's eyes as she watched them. As she read the softness in them, she realised that her friend had seen the conflict and pain in Spike as clearly as she had. She just hoped that now Willow wouldn't be as scared of him, that she could start to see the side of him that so far he'd only shown to herself-his more human side.

Spike nuzzled her neck and breathed in deeply, taking comfort from her scent and the way it calmed the swirling emotions inside him. Loosening his grip on her a fraction, he closed his eyes and let his cheek rest heavily on her shoulder. He hadn't realised just how tired he was until she'd held him, her warm embrace triggering the sudden onset of drowsiness.

Buffy continued to thread her fingers through his hair as he breathed heavily against her neck. She could feeling him growing heavier in her arms, his body leaning hard into hers and his grip on her failing. She nudged him slightly and he pulled away, blinking down at her as he tried to force the tiredness from his body.

She looked at the clock on the wall opposite. It was nearing midday.

"Sleep." Buffy whispered quietly and watched an appreciative smile flicker on his lips.

She took hold of his hand and led him through the building to a quiet room at the back that Cordelia had offered to her earlier.

Watching him settle down on the tatty old bed, she wanted nothing more than to curl up with him and sleep the day away. Her body felt as fatigued as his-even her brain was aching for sleep. Sighing to herself, she ran her fingers lightly down his cheek and then pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"Sleep…" She whispered again and then backed out of the room, closing the door quietly so she didn't disturb him as he drifted off.

Buffy almost squealed as she turned sharply to find Cordelia standing inches behind her.

"Christ…" Buffy hissed and then started walking up the hall.

"More like the devil." Cordelia fell into step beside her and watched her face closely. "You're playing with fire. Angel's told me all about him."

"Look, this is none of Angel's business. He left me. I have every right to see any man that I want to."

"Vampire." Cordelia corrected her.

"Those too." Buffy muttered and walked back into Angel's office. Stopping a few steps inside the doorway, she turned on her friend. "Besides, Angel's done things that were just as bad as he has, if not worse. He's only had a soul for what, a century? Think of all the people he killed the hundred years or so before that."

She realised she sounded like she was trying to justify her attraction to Spike, and in front of all her friends, too.

Buffy paced by the desk in silence for a few minutes before stopping dead and looking at them all.

"This thing with Spike. I just realised something. I don't have to justify it or try and convince you all that I'm not going crazy." She let her brows knit. "You just have to accept it. That's that. I'm not going to waste my time trying to get you all to like him or to recognise my feelings for him. I know it seems insane, but it's been there all along…since the moment I met him there's been an attraction between us and I guess my time with him in the caves just allowed it to come out into the open and develop. I can't explain it; it's deep, like it happened to us both on a base level and we're powerless to change it or resist it. I'm not going to beg you to like him, or to accept him, I just want to ask you to give him time and he'll show his true colours to you all like he has to me."

The stunned looks on their faces made her lips curve into a smile-it was always a sure sign that she'd made a good speech.

Before they had a chance to say anything she turned and let her eyes fall to rest on the maps, her fingers tracing the sewer tunnels and the five directions that Spike had mentioned earlier.

"It's almost noon, guys. In five hours Spike and I are leaving via the sewer tunnels and we won't be in contact again until we've found Angel. I'll wake Spike in just over four hours and we'll go over the maps again. Let's hope there's some blood in that sewer to give Spike a signature to lock on to."

Buffy felt a hand come to rest on her shoulder and stifled her desire to break free of it. She turned her head slightly to see Giles standing beside her, concern wrinkling his brows. "You should get some rest, too. You haven't slept in over twenty four hours."

She smiled at the sight of affection in his eyes, and nodded.

Walking down the hall to the bedroom she'd left Spike in, Buffy paused outside it and eased the door open. She remained frozen to the spot as she looked at Spike. He was stretched out on the bed with his eyes closed in sleep.

She ached inside.

If she went to him now and curled up beside him, she would be surrendering completely to her emotions and the need that burnt inside her to be close to him. There would be no coming back. He would wrap his arms around her possessively and she would never want to sleep alone again. She'd need his tight embrace, the comforting scent of his body next to hers and the feeling of safety he gave her.

She'd want him.

She'd love him.

Her hands trembled as she stared down at the line that ran across the floor at her feet, stretching across the open doorway like a barrier she was going to have to cross.

Taking a long, deep breath she stepped over it and discovered that surrendering to her need to be close to him wasn't as bad as it had seemed. She didn't feel different in any way. If anything, she felt stronger for finally admitting it to herself.

Slipping her boots off, she moved silently across the room and looked down at where Spike lay sleeping. Giving herself a moment to build up the courage to lie down next to him, she looked him over. His face was soft with his slumber, reminding her of the time that he'd been drunk and had attempted to bite her, only to fall asleep instead.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she took another deep breath and then lay down next to him. She curled up on her side and waited quietly, anxiously, to see if he would react to her presence the way she wanted him to.

Spike growled and rolled onto his side, his arm wrapping around her waist and tugging her flush against his body.

Buffy sighed and closed her eyes, a warmth spreading through her as she was held tightly. Letting sleep overcome her, she wriggled against his body and smiled as his breathy growl of possession tickled her ear.

She felt safe.

Warm.

Loved.


	18. in the dark

**Note: Speech between Buffy Spike in italics is telepathy.**

**Buffy looked up at the small bright hole they had just climbed down. Willow's face was still visible at the top, her anxiety clearly written across her features.**

"Be careful, Buffy."

"I'll call as soon as we have him." She called back up at her friend and watched her face disappear as the manhole cover was replaced.

Buffy turned to Spike. He was sniffing the air like a predatory animal searching for the scent of their prey. Angel was his prey.

She mused that either Angel or herself always seemed to be his prey-it was always the same with Spike since she'd met him.

"Anything?" She watched him run his fingers along a rung on the ladder and bring them up to his face for inspection.

Spike sniffed at the dirt on his fingertips and then frowned as he raised his nose up into the air, trying to get a lock on the scent he'd found.

"You're in luck, love. Angel was bleeding-left a good enough trail at the time, but it's fading now." Spike stared down a long straight stretch of sewer.

Buffy resisted the temptation to roll her eyes in order to mask the conflict his words stirred in her. His tone had been hard and cold, void of the emotions she was sorely growing used to and it was an obvious sign of things to come. He wasn't going to be nice during their mission. He was going to shift from nice to nasty and back again in the blink of an eye like he used to. He was going to make her pay for wanting to save Angel.

Heaving a long sigh, she started down the tunnels after him, watching his coat sway as he walked with purpose through the dirty water at their feet. Buffy pulled a face at the bottom of her dark blue jeans, already coated in filth and she'd only walked ten metres.

Catching up with Spike, she fell into line alongside him and followed his lead. She hoped he knew where he was going and that in a fit of jealously he wouldn't be tempted to walk her around in circles and let Angel die. She realised that was fast becoming a recurring thought-would Spike let Angel die? Or would he save him just to make his mate happy?

Buffy let a pensive expression settle on her face.

Spike tilted his head as he looked down at her. She had her hair still up, drawn back into a tight ponytail that showed his marks on her neck to the world. The ones he had inflicted as a show of territory were healing now, the bruises beginning to fade even if the actual wounds weren't.

"You okay, kitten?" He watched her start slightly as his voice roused her from her thoughts.

"Yeah…" She said sullenly, and saw he wasn't convinced. His brow arched. "Okay…no…be honest with me…"

"Always, if you want me to." Spike watched her expression soften over his reply.

"Angel…" She waited for a sign of a reaction to that name but he just continued to watch her. "…You do know where you're going, I mean…I know there's a million reasons you can think of to just let him die, but I need to know…you're not going to lead me in circles or anything like that are you?"

She saw his face fall, the lines of it turning hard and causing her to run over what she'd said. Buffy stopped as it hit her.

"I trust you, Spike…really I do." She caught hold of his arm and forced him to look at her. "Just…I need to know…only to silence the voice in the back of my mind."

Spike stepped towards her and let the backs of his fingers brush against her cheek.

"I'd never lie to you. I'd never hide anything from you. I'd certainly never do anything to hurt you. You're my mate, Buffy. Perverse as being bonded to a Slayer is, you're my flesh, my blood. My heart." He removed his hand and clenched it into a fist. "I wouldn't do such a thing…much as I'd love to. I couldn't stand to see you upset…couldn't stand to see you pissed at me."

Buffy smiled and ran her fingers over his hand, the palm of it wrapping around his still clenched fist. "Feelings mutual."

Spike searched her eyes in the dim light to see if there was truth in what she'd told him; he smiled as he saw it in their green depths.

"We'd better move. I have a rough idea where they're keeping him and it's a long trek from here. Still…if it's where I think it is then we don't have to walk home dragging Peaches' tired little feet."

Buffy watched him walking off and hurried to catch up with him as she shifted her axe to her other hand. "Huh?"

"My baby…she's in LA by the docks…I think that's where they are. The whole time I was locked up by those bastards I could smell sea water and day old fish." He peered down both stretches of sewer as he stopped at a t-junction. Holding his hand up to silence her reply, he sniffed the air and pointed to the left.

When he started walking again, Buffy took it as a sign that she could speak. "Baby?"

"My car…I was down the docks with her."

"Why?" Buffy let a slight frown wrinkle her brows as she tried to think of a possible reason for him to be in the vicinity of the docks after he'd left her.

"Don't know. I guess I was looking for somewhere quiet to think, you know? My head was so full of you that I couldn't get any peace though. I was just drinking and watching the light of the moon playing on the water. It was…" His look turned thoughtful as he pursed his lips, searching for the right word.

"Calming?" Buffy offered and he flashed her a wide smile.

"Yeah." He narrowed his eyes slightly. "Did you feel it, too?"

"I was sleeping mostly, but in the morning I went outside to listen to the birds and watch the sun rising…" She watched him arch a brow. "Okay, I wanted to be alone…but it felt calm…like I'd found peace."

Spike nodded in understanding and then turned down another section of sewer.

"If you know where we're going then why are we wasting time walking in the sewers?" She looked down at the grime under her feet, her boots ruined by its slimy wetness.

"I said I had a rough idea where we were going…I have to track his scent to know for sure." He put his hand in his pocket to find his cigarettes but found the small gold and diamond bracelet from the tomb instead. Ignoring it, he searched his other pocket and found them.

Buffy watched him light up and frowned as he exhaled. "Isn't that going to ruin your tracking abilities?"

Spike tapped his nose. "Got lover boy all locked in now, sweetheart. No need to fret. Could find him a mile off."

She let her frown intensify over the sarcastic tone he'd used and his choice of wording. "Let's get one thing straight, Spike. We're rescuing Angel because he's my friend…he's a good man and he's fought by my side…I can't let him die, I have to try and save him…it has nothing to do with the fact that I used to love him."

Spike felt the words hit him hard.

She used to love him.

Who did she love now?

"So why'd you rescue me?" He ventured hesitantly, unsure of whether he really wanted to know the reason or whether his enquiry was solely motivated by jealousy.

Buffy mused his question and then smiled as she realised what he was up to.

"Because I had to." She answered in a casual tone and with a shrug of her shoulders.

Spike stopped dead, his brows knitting tightly as he felt like she'd just trampled all over his emotions.

"What?" He stared at her back.

She turned with a smile on her face that soon faded on seeing him so crushed and pressed her hand to her mouth as her eyes widened. "Oh…god…I was just joking…well…I mean, I really had to but there was more to it than that."

Spike did his best to look unaffected, the stunned and hurt expression he'd been wearing not moments before washed from his face.

He started walking again, keeping his eyes fixed straight ahead of him as he tried to discern if there was any danger in the dark tunnels and tried to take his mind of what Buffy had said.

"Spike…" Buffy hurried to catch up with him again, but this time decided to hang back so she wasn't walking along side him, but rather a few steps behind. It was easier to talk to him when there wasn't any chance of him looking at her. "…I had to find you; I had no choice! I felt like if I didn't find you that I would die along with you. I couldn't leave you hurt and alone somewhere…even though I didn't know where you were, I left straight away to try and track you down…stole my mom's car…"

Spike stopped dead again and Buffy almost walked into his back.

"You stole your mum's car, to find me?" Spike kept his back to her, his eyes straying to the side in an attempt to see her without moving his head.

"Yes. She was so pissed at me, but then she saw you and she went into mom mode."

Spike didn't quite know how to interpret the new information. She had stolen her mother's car to come and rescue him. She had worked on instinct and let it guide her actions. She hadn't plotted and planned, arranging lifts and wasting time like she had with her rescue attempt of Angel. She had done everything as quickly as possible, regardless of how much trouble she was going to get into for the things she did. She had been that desperate to get to him, to rescue him. To ensure that he was safe she had risked everything. She hadn't known where he was or who was holding him, yet she came alone and without a weapon, so sure that she would be able to rescue him-or possibly prepared to die trying.

He didn't know what to say to her. Suddenly his jealously over her wanting to rescue Angel seemed pointless. Now that he realised that he meant more to her than Angel did, a tranquil feeling washed away the conflicts inside him and he turned to face her in the dim tunnel.

"I know I shouted at you once for thanking me…told you I was evil…well, thanks…for coming to get me…saving me from the horrible clutches of tall, dull and forehead."

Buffy tried to stifle a giggle and saw Spike smile at her.

"Got a pretty giggle, too…" He turned around again and started walking.

Buffy slipped her free hand into his and intertwined their fingers. She felt a warmth creep up her arm as he squeezed her hand in his gently and pulled her a little closer to him.

Spike peered out of the sewer exit and into the street. Angel's scent had led them back to the docks and he almost felt like giving Buffy an 'I told you so', but then thought the better of it when he remembered he was over a century old-not a teenager.

Crawling out of the manhole, he helped Buffy out before replacing the cover. Buffy walked over to the nearest building as quietly as possible and pulled out her phone as she rested against it.

10:47pm.

She raised her brows and looked down at her clothes-they certainly looked like she'd been in the sewers for five hours.

Spike watched her look down at her feet and looked down at his own. He sighed emphatically at the sight of his boots covered in a thick layer of filth and then walked past her. As he disappeared around the corner of the warehouse at her back, Buffy hastened to follow him, putting her phone away and gripping her axe tightly as though she expected trouble to be waiting for her.

There was only Spike.

Lighting up a cigarette with a broad smile on his face.

She frowned and then followed his gaze. He was staring at his car.

"Just where I left you." Spike's smile widened into a grin and he walked over to the black Desoto. Pulling his keys out of his pocket, he opened the driver's side door and rummaged about.

Buffy tried to peer around him to see what he was looking for.

She rolled her eyes as he held up a near empty bottle of bourbon, a triumphant look etched on his features as he pulled the cork out and then offered the drink to her.

Buffy shook her head.

"Little Dutch courage?" He continued to hold it out to her but when she shook her head more firmly, he just shrugged. "Your loss."

Spike swallowed down the remains of the bottle and then tossed it back inside his car. Locking the door, he patted the roof affectionately before closing his eyes.

He inhaled deeply.

Wherever Angel was, he was close.

Buffy watched Spike closely as he tried to get a lock onto Angel's scent. At least she hoped that was what he was doing. It was either that or he was trying to communicate telepathically with his car. She raised a brow as he stroked the roof idly.

"Anything?" Buffy tried to bring him back to her.

He nodded and pointed to their right. "Back that way…blood is stronger there."

Jamming her hands into her jeans pockets, Buffy started to wish she'd worn more than just her trousers and little green t-shirt. It was cold in LA tonight.

Spike walked alongside her. He was mesmerised by the little goosebumps that kept appearing and disappearing in waves along the bronzed skin of her arms. He wondered if his touch would have the same effect on her, the cool of his skin as it brushed against hers.

Buffy frowned questioningly at him and he turned his attention back to tracking Angel. Taking one last drag on his cigarette, he exhaled the smoke into the cold night air and flicked the spent stub to the ground.

The smell of metal laced the air.

Like snow.

"Close." Spike whispered and looked along the row of warehouses to the left, searching for something he'd remember or would trigger a memory.

Nothing.

Just the smell of the ocean mixed with blood.

Taking hold of Buffy's hand again, he started walking faster and with every step he took, the strength of the blood in the air seemed to increase. Buffy allowed him to lead her as her eyes remained locked on his profile. He was frowning, his nostrils flared as he stared with steely intent ahead of them.

As he stopped and sniffed the air near an alleyway between two warehouses, she rubbed the arm that held the axe in an attempt to keep the chill off her bones.

"Something's not right." Spike growled quietly and caught hold of her hand again, leading her down the alleyway.

Buffy's eyes widened as she looked at the rusty corrugated metal walls surrounding her. There were long streaks of blood along them that looked as though they had been painted on, all pointing directly towards the large warehouse ahead of them.

"It's a trap." Buffy whispered and Spike narrowed his eyes.

"That it is…someone bled Angel on purpose…someone knew we'd be coming."

There was a series of bangs inside the warehouse at the end of the alley; light flickered through the broken dirty windows and Buffy frowned.

"Welcoming committee?" She hissed at Spike and started walking at the same time he did.

"Maybe." He stopped just outside the main doors to the building. "Let's see who wanted us here so badly."

Buffy gripped the axe tightly in both hands.

Spike pulled open the door.


	19. behind the mask

**Nothing.**

Buffy squinted into the dimly lit expanse of the warehouse. It was littered with large wooden crates piled haphazardly. Listening hard for any sign of movement, she frowned when nothing clear came back to her. 

Spike looked up at the high ceiling above them. The air ducts intersecting the vast space reminded him painfully of the ones back in the factory in Sunnydale. He watched the swinging light nearest the platform directly above them; it creaked slightly on the chain that held it in place. 

"Anything?" Buffy asked again and watched him shake his head in the negative. 

"Only blood. Enough of it to dull even my senses." 

Buffy took the hint and tried hers, hoping that the strength of Spike's signature when he was wearing the Gem wouldn't drown out the othersif there were any present. She closed her eyes and reached out, searching for a blip on her radar and feeling the tightness of her stomach worsen with each passing second. 

She couldn't sense a thing. 

"Nothing." She frowned at the room in front of her. "We need to get higher up. Maybe if we're looking down on this place we'll be able to spot something." 

Spike nodded and started towards the stairs. He'd wanted to check out what had caused the light above them to swing anyway and she'd given him the perfect excuse. 

His normally calm senses were going off the scale inside the warehouse. He never usually felt nerves; he knew he could handle himself, but this time it was as if something was different. 

There was more at risk. 

There was Buffy. 

He stopped and let his eyes follow her as she passed him by on the metal stairs. He was worried about her. From the second he'd realised it was a trap and someone had purposefully bought them here, he'd been on edge. The only way he could protect his girl was to remain close to her at all times, not letting whoever was hiding in the warehouse get the opportunity to hurt her. He was invulnerable with the ring on, but she was still just a girl. She bled like one and she could die like one. All it needed was a lucky hit or for them to have weapons and she was in more danger than he cared to see. 

He'd stay close to her. 

Protect his mate with his life. 

Catching up with her, Spike found her staring out the window by the swinging light. He placed his hands tentatively on her waist and stood behind her, letting his cheek rest against hers. 

Buffy rolled her eyes closed briefly as his skin made contact with hers, the gentle pressure of his grip on her sides making her body hum. 

"Someone was up here." She stared out of the window to the spot in the alley below where they had been standing not minutes before. 

"Figured as much." He released her waist and turned around to survey the warehouse floor below them. 

In their current position, they were relatively safe from attack, so long as the people that had been watching their arrival didn't have guns, bows, or any other long-range weapons. 

He let his gaze slip to Buffy as she settled beside him, her free hand coming to rest on the handrail as her other gripped the axe. 

"They know we're here, then." She said quietly and felt reassured as Spike's hand closed over hers. 

"We know they're here, too." He flashed her a smile and then searched the floor below them. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply, hoping to catch more than just Angel's blood in the air. He knew Angel and as much as he loathed admitting it, his grandsire wouldn't give up without a fight. Someone other than the vampire had to have bled. 

A tiny hint of blood caught on the edge of his senses. It wasn't Angel's. 

"Wherever they are…they're human." Spike looked disappointed as he told her. 

"Which means we can't kill them." Buffy stated flatly and watched Spike closely. He didn't react for a few seconds, but then nodded resignedly. 

"I'll play nice, but only because you ask me to, love." He ran the pads of his fingers over her cheek and down her neck, and delighted in the way her heartbeat sped up a little and her skin grew hotter under his touch. 

Buffy met his eyes, feeling goosebumps erupt in the wake of his fingers as she became lost in them. Their clear blue lured her in and captivated her with the depths of the emotions that were playing out in them. She'd never been looked at with so much open affectionnot even Angel had been so intense. 

Angel. 

That one word broke the spell she had been under and reminded her why she was here. 

She wasn't here to get lost in little moments with Spike. 

As much as she'd love to do just that. 

She was here to find Angel and bring him home safe. 

"We should…" Buffy started but trailed off when Spike pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. 

"Let's go, sweetheart." Spike ran his fingers down her arm and slipped his hand into hers, leading her back to the stairs and smiling to himself. 

He had indeed been able to cause goosebumps on her skin, but he'd learnt more than that by doing so. She'd reassured him with her reaction that when he was around her there were no thoughts in her head of Angel or anyone else. Captured by his smile and his eyes she was his and his alone. He'd kept her standing in one spot for almost five minutes. He had driven all thoughts of rescuing Angel and her current mission clear from her mind by his touch alone. If he had ventured a kiss she would still be there now, not caring that she wasn't doing her mission because he was close to her and that was all that mattered. 

Claims were a funny thing. 

She had powers over him she couldn't even start to comprehend yet he was the one who had her enthralled. As the initiator of the claim her power was strongest in the bondshe held more sway and had stronger abilities, so long as the mating remained unconsummated. She also had her mark stamped all over him. That was going to change whether she liked it or not. 

Spike had a plan. 

It wasn't a great one but it was a plan nonetheless. 

He was going to claim her. 

Counter-claims were tricky. It was going to hurt her, but he had a way of solving that little problem and hopefully she'd be none the wiser. If it all went to plan, she'd have no clue that she was changing roles and he would then have the dominant claim. The one with the power. 

"You coming?" 

He looked up to see Buffy waiting patiently at the top of the stairs. 

He smiled broadly. 

"Just the way I'm standing, love." Spike walked past her and down the stairs, and waited for her reaction. 

Buffy looked pensive as she tried to understand what he'd said. She wrinkled her nose up and then widened her eyes as it dawned on her. 

"Eww…gross much?" She followed him down the stairs, hoping that the reason he'd been staring blankly at the warehouse below them hadn't been because he'd been thinking sex thoughts. 

Anything but that. 

Weaving his way through the boxes, Spike tried to follow the faint scent of human blood he'd detected. It wasn't getting any stronger as they moved further into the building. He could feel Buffy's heartbeat resonating through him; the adrenaline in her veins and the excitement that raced through her echoing in him and making him feel like it was his adrenaline and excitement. 

The excitement was definitely his. She only added to it. 

Tracking down prey was something he excelled at. He loved the hunt and it didn't have to be human to get his predatory nature to kick in. He could hunt anything. Everything was fair game. 

He turned his head to look back at Buffy as she followed him. 

Especially now that his favourite prey was off the menu. He didn't want to think about the fact that he would no longer be able to hunt humans. He would have to rely on bagged blood and whatever his mate would offer to him. His whole world had changed in one fateful night and now he was going to spend the rest of his existence denying his true nature. 

He wanted the hunt. He wanted the kill. 

But it was far outweighed by how much he needed her. 

She'd offered her neck up to him, allowed him to feed off her repeatedly and it almost made up for not being allowed to kill humans. Her blood was an elixir. It was a delight and an honour to be given it so freely and with so much affection. He'd take Slayer blood over human any day. 

Especially when it was hers. 

Buffy teased her lower lip with her teeth as Spike's eyes came to rest on her. She could feel his signature growing stronger with each passing moment, and it was all focused on her. It made her stomach flip and her body heat through. The intensity of passion in his eyes and desire in his body was enough to make her want to forget about what they were supposed to be doing and allow herself to get lost in his kiss. 

Spike flicked her a wicked smile and turned his attention back to the hunt. The temptation to act on the signals she was sending him was overwhelming but he refused to give in. If he gave her what she wanted and Angel died, then she would hold herself responsible. And he would never forgive himself. 

Approaching a clearing at the opposite end of the warehouse from where they had started, Spike motioned to Buffy for her to stop. She peered around the crates and narrowed her eyes as her look turned pensive. 

She reached out to Spike. "_Something's there._" 

Spike nodded in agreement. "_This whole section stinks of vampire…must be Angel._" 

Buffy tiptoed and tried to get a fix on the signature she was picking up. Something moved in the far corner, a shadowy shape in the darkness. 

She nodded towards it and saw Spike's eyes become nothing more than slits as he tried to discern what was there. 

As he slipped into game face to sharpen his senses, he heard Buffy's heartbeat accelerate again and remembered how she'd mentioned that his signature in vampire guise with the ring on made her feel sick. 

She felt anything but sick to him. 

That now familiar feeling of desire and arousal echoed in him, and as usual it was coming off her in waves. 

"_Kinky Slayer._" Spike watched her jump as he spoke into her head. Her heart skipped a beat and her breathing hitched in her throat. 

"_Don't know what you mean._" Buffy did her best to look confused as she willed her body to gain some control over itself. 

When Spike turned to look at herhis face in demonic visageshe found control had all but disappeared. 

Her thighs ached. 

She smiled awkwardly. 

Spike gave her a toothy grin that set her stomach on fire. The sight of his fangs was enough to have her hand subconsciously moving towards her neck and his marks there. The memories of his bites stirred the fire inside her until it burnt hotter than the sun. 

Spike sucked in his cheeks and smirked. 

Slinking towards her, he pressed the flat of his hand against her stomach, rolling his eyes closed as the warmth of her seeped into him. He let his yellow eyes open and lock with hers. 

"_Like I said…_" He leant in close to her so his lips were almost touching hers. "_Kinky Slayer_." 

Buffy sighed out her breath as his lips moved away from hers and his hand brushed against her breast as it left her stomach. 

She grabbed his arm as he went to move away. Spike turned, his features smoothing back into human form as he looked down at her. 

She went to say something. 

Spike beat her to it. 

"_I really think you should focus your attention on saving Angel, I mean…that's the plan right? I know I'm hard to resist, pet…Angel first. You and I can come later…_" He resisted waggling his brow at her. 

Buffy put her hands on her hips and gave him a look that said she hadn't missed his innuendo about sex and her. 

"_Just get on with it._" She pushed him in the back and ignored the cocky look he shot at her. 

Creeping along the shadowy wall of the factory to avoid being seen, Buffy tried desperately to figure out just what they were heading towards. She hoped it was Angel. 

Spike stopped dead as he followed behind her. The stench of old blood hit him hard in the stomach and its scent was all too familiar. 

Buffy rushed forwards as she saw him. Chained in the corner, he was wearing nothing but a ragged pair of black trousers and looking like the people responsible had done a similar job on him to the one they had done on Spike. 

Angel. 

As she moved closer to him she saw that his injuries weren't as bad as Spike's had been. He had deep lacerations across his chest where he had been bled for the purpose of bringing herself and Spike to his rescue but other than that, there were only minor cuts and some bruising. 

"Angel?" Buffy whispered as she knelt beside him. She could feel Spike standing a few metres away, his eyes following her every move and she knew that if she made one wrong one that he would make her pay. She didn't know how, but he would. 

She risked touching Angel on the shoulder. She had to see if he responded but didn't want to risk angering Spike by touching him somewhere more intimate. As she tentatively placed her hand on his shoulder, she reached out to feel what Spike's reaction was. He didn't like it but he didn't seem to be angry with her for doing it. 

Buffy remembered the way she had reacted to Giles and Xander touching her. Deep down inside she knew that if Angel tried to touch her then her reaction to it would be worse than what it had been with her friends. Spike would make sure of it if the claim didn't. 

Angel looked up, his cracked and dry lips moving wordlessly as he extended a manacled hand towards her. 

Buffy stood up sharply. Moving quickly out of his reach and hating herself for doing so. She wanted to comfort him, but the thought of him touching her sickened her. She held her stomach as it tightened and lurched. 

A comforting hand on her shoulder made her close her eyes. She leant her back into Spike's chest as he moved closer to her; his body flush against hers. 

Buffy stared down at the seemingly small form of Angel as he huddled up on the floor. The once great man she had seen him as was all but gone from her vision of him now. He was weak. Inferior. 

She turned her head and looked up at Spike as he gazed into her eyes. He felt strong. Superior. 

She wondered if it was her heart seeing them as this or if it was just the claim. 

"It's okay, pet." He held her shoulders tighter as she looked confused. "It takes a little getting used to." 

Releasing her, he moved around to the other side of Angel and frowned down at him. 

"You're not here…" Angel chuckled quietly at Buffy as he raised his head. "Ghost…" 

Buffy furrowed her brows, a sorrowful expression washing across her face. "He's delusional." 

"Finally, someone who agrees with me…" Spike said earnestly and then regretted it the second she turned her frown on him. 

"Don't, Spike." It came out a little harder sounding than she'd intended and she could see in his eyes that he saw it as her defending Angel. "I just mean…it isn't the time for being funny." 

He nodded, resigned, and let his gaze settle on the chains holding Angel. Heaving a long sigh over what he was about to do, Spike bent over and slipped his fingers into the manacles, breaking each one apart and freeing his grandsire. 

He caught the look of gratitude on Buffy's face as he straightened up. Flicking her a smile that said it was nothing, he felt warm inside over her silent thank you for doing something for her and understanding why she needed to free Angel. 

Only there was still a large part of him that didn't understand. 

The part that saw Angel as a rival for his mate's affections. 

The part that wanted Angel deader than dead. 

He watched as she crouched down beside his adversary. He watched as she frowned at the wounds that streaked across Angel's bare chest. He could see her hands trembling and knew it wasn't because she was nervous or scared. Inside him, he could feel her apprehension. She wanted to check Angel over but at the same time, couldn't bring herself to touch him. Conflict reigned inside her. Spike smiled. He was starting to love how the claim affected her, ensuring she was his and his alone, even if the voice at the back of his head still told him she wasn't. 

A distant sound barely registered on the edge of his hearing. 

He raised his head and listened hard but the air was still. 

"Buffy, sweetheart." He placed his hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him. 

Buffy stood slowly. The confusion she felt inside seemed to disappear as she looked at Spike and distanced herself from Angel. Giles had been right when he'd said the claim would have consequences and it would take her time to adjust to the feelings it gave her. She hadn't bargained on it taking this long, though, and the fact she couldn't bring herself to touch Angel for fear of him returning that touch, made her feel conflicted. Was she always going to be like this? Or would the claim eventually calm down and allow her to touch and be touched by other males? Giles had touched her and she had managed to control herself, so maybe there was hope in her future. But she suspected it would never be so with AngelSpike would see to that. 

"We should get out of here before it's…" Spike trailed off as loud clunks echoed around the warehouse and the lighting overhead burst into life. 

Buffy and Spike turned sharply. 

Spike raised his brows. 

Buffy wrinkled her nose. 

In front of them were seven robed men. She could just about make out their faces and their signatures said they were human. A part of her felt as disappointed as Spike did. She wanted something she could fight without fear of repercussions. She wanted demons. 

She wanted something she could kill. 

Buffy felt Spike tense at the same time she did; the men dressed in dark brown robes pulled large curved knives outseemingly from nowhere and in perfect synchronisation. 

Like someone was controlling them. 

Buffy blinked. They were like puppets. 

Spike decided it would be an opportune moment to finish his sentence. 

"…Too late." 


	20. the end is only the beginning

**Taking a solitary deep breath, Buffy threw herself at the nearest man to her, punching him square in the jaw as she breathed out. He crumpled to the floor like he was a rag doll and Buffy was again reminded of puppets.**

She frowned and executed a low sweeping kick, taking out the legs of another as it moved to attack her. To her right she could see Spikehe was fighting them as best he could without killing them and she smiled as she saw he was keeping his promise.

As one of the robed men flew past her and hit the back wall of the warehouse hard enough to make the entire building shake she turned questioning eyes on Spike.

He shrugged.

"He'll live."

Spike grinned as he did a fast one-two punch on the man he was fighting and then grabbed him around the back of the head, bringing his skull down hard against his knee with a satisfying crunch.

He ventured a look at Buffy. Luckily, she was so preoccupied with her own fight that she hadn't noticed. The last thing he wanted to do was have her pissed off at him.

Buffy arched a brow as she saw one of the men Spike was fighting fall to the floor clutching his limp hand.

Spike just growled, his expression stern as he looked at her.

"He'll live…"

She realised he was doing his best, but the added strength that the Gem of Amara gave to himand the fact they were fighting humansmeant he was going to end up hurting them no matter what he tried.

Knocking one of the men attacking her to the ground, Buffy knelt to punch him again in order to knock him out but found herself staring blankly at the man's face.

Wordless lips.

Sightless eyes.

She shot her head up and in a panicked voice shouted at Spike.

"Kill them! Kill them all! Don't let any of them escape."

Spike looked puzzled for a moment and then slipped into vampire guise, letting out a roar of pleasure over being allowed to kill.

Shooting a hand out, he grasped hold of the nearest assailant's throat and crushed his windpipe like it was made of papernot flesh and bone. Dropping his victim to the floor, Spike punched another body hard in the chest and listened to the satisfying crunch of their ribcage as it caved in.

Buffy just stared.

She'd never seen anything so primal.

So intense.

So hot.

She blinked as what she was feeling registered. Watching Spike fighting, seeing him so violent was making her desire for him shoot into overdrive. She'd never once reacted like this when she'd watched Angel fight. The way Spike fought made her breathing hitch in her throat, her heart pound harder and her knees feel like jelly. He fought with passion, with determination that far outweighed her own and she could feel inside him how he relished each kill. He loved the violence and the death, loved finding new ways to kill each man that challenged him and showed them no mercy.

Because she'd commanded him to kill them all and let none escape.

Buffy bit her lip and felt her temperature rise as she realised that he was a killer by her command, a killer for love.

She barely had time to react as one of the men swung at her, his knife grazing her upper arm and causing her to frown as she turned on him. Buffy twisted the attackers arm around and broke it, forcing them to release their grip on the knife. She grabbed hold of it and drove it deep into his stomach.

Watching him fall to the floor she stared at the knife and frowned.

Blood.

She didn't know what she'd expected but seeing the crimson liquid staining the blade made her stomach turn. They weren't human. They only bled like them.

They weren't human.

At least not any more.

She span on the spot and yelled at her mate. "Spike!"

Spike turned in time to catch the knife she had thrown at him and plunged it deep into the chest of the man he was fighting before slicing open another one's throat. He watched the blood spilling out of the wound as he slumped to the floor.

It smelt acrid.

Dead.

He shivered as it made his stomach lurch. Focusing again, he saw more robed men entering the building, the blades of their knives shining as they ran towards where he and Buffy stood.

Spike looked over at her.

"Get out of here."

She gave him a look that said she didn't understand. Spike growled commandingly at her and watched her eyes widen. He felt a stab in his gut as he realised he'd shocked her with his actions.

"Go. Get him out of here. I'll handle this." He tried to sound gentler in the hopes it would persuade her to leave, to get herself out of danger.

"No." Buffy shook her head resolutely. "I'm not leaving you."

Spike felt his ability to breathe knocked out of him at her words. She wouldn't leave him. She would risk everything to remain by his side, even though she was vulnerable and could get hurt.

"Go." Spike repeated and was answered by another, firmer, shake of her head.

She bent down and picked up the axe, her grip on it tight enough to make her knuckles turn white as she set her jaw.

"I said, I'm not leaving you." She ground out.

Spike felt desire burn through him like an inferno as she met his eyes. Her whole body spoke to him of strength and power, her eyes reflecting her longing to remain near him and protect him even though he was invulnerable.

He swallowed hard and felt the words drifting through him, working their way up from his chest until they balanced precariously on his lips. Holding them back he wondered if she could see them, could feel them burning inside him and begging for release. The way her expression had changed made him believed that she could, her face now soft with a warm smile teasing the corners of her lips.

This feeling between them.

This connection they felt.

It ran deeper than desire.

Burned hotter than passion.

A simple word could sum it all up, everything he was feeling and everything she was feeling, too.

A word neither of them could bring themselves to say yet.

So they'd keep it locked inside, let it consume them until they couldn't hold it in any longer.

Right now, they needed to fight.

Spike realised this as Buffy broke eye contact with him and swung her axe hard at the man just feet from her. Her golden hair following the arc of her body as she fought back and to Spike it looked like she was moving in slow motion.

He growled as something hit him, interrupting his thoughts and his appreciation of the fluidic and graceful way his mate moved.

Coming out of his reverie, he found himself surrounded; he grinned at them as he turned on the spot. This was going to be fun.

Unleashing a loud roar that echoed around the warehouse, Spike shifted his grip on the knife and launched himself at the nearest enemy. He slashed him across the chest and let instinct take over as another moved to grab him. Kicking out, he knocked the attacker backwards and gave himself time to take out another of the men. He punched him hard in the chest and grinned as his victim breathed out sharply, the wind knocked from him.

Buffy grunted with effort as she fought to keep a distance between her and the men in robes. They were crowding in on her, their fists and feet working to keep her occupied as she desperately tried to fend them off. She briefly considered that she should have done as Spike had told her but she couldn't bring herself to leave him alone to fight for her.

This was her fight as much as it was his.

Feeling one of the assailants grab her from behind, she whimpered as his fingers dug into her arms and images of vampires flooded her mind.

Spike turned as he felt the pain lance through her, the memories of that night haunting her and making the rage inside him grow out of control.

Kicking the nearest attacker in the crotch, he stabbed him in the gut as he doubled over and then raced to help Buffy.

Buffy closed her eyes as the men overwhelmed her. She felt her ability to breathe leave her, the stifling heat of their bodies so close to hers it was making her head spin.

An enraged growl made her try to fight again, the feeling of Spike so close by and so desperate to get to her renewing her desire to win.

As she felt the man on her back hauled off her by her mate she lashed out at the one in front of her, punching him across the jaw before swinging her axe round and removing his head.

The sound of bone crunching caused her to turn sharply.

Spike twisted her assailant's neck around one hundred and eighty degrees with such strength and speed that it made her stomach lurch.

She buried her axe into another of the men and grabbed his knife, stabbing him in the neck with it before slashing another.

Spike smiled as he realised they were winning. The deadly combination of him and his Slayer were no match for whatever it was they were fighting.

Just what were they?

He shook his head to clear it of questions as he killed the last of the men attacking him. Staring down at the dead fallen at his feet, he frowned at them. They looked human.

He remembered the look of horror on Buffy's face as she told him to kill them all.

She knew what they were.

Her words were his command. Her desire to see them dead was all the invitation he'd needed to make it so. He didn't need a reason.

Spike watched her breathing hard as she stared down at the men below her, blood staining the dusty grey concrete floor as it flowed from their wounds.

The smell of it still turned his stomach and his thoughts drifted to the sweet taste of her blood.

Buffy froze as she felt him watching her. She found his eyes lingering on her neck as she moved to face him. On turning, she saw his eyes fall to the cut on her upper arm and his tongue darted out to wet his lips.

Walking towards him, she ignored the quiet whimpers Angel was making and felt lost in Spike's eyes as they met hers. His expression was tender, his eyes speaking silent words of love to her that she couldn't quite bring herself to believe.

As she reached him, she saw his eyes move to rest on her arm again, watching him quietly as he dipped his head and licked along the length of the wound, sealing it and helping it heal. Spike straightened up again and narrowed his blue eyes on her green ones.

Pressing the palm of her hand against his chest, she watched his gaze move to rest on it, his look turning curious.

"Why?" He whispered and she looked confused, unsure of just what he was asking her. He nodded down at the dead men. "They're humanwhy kill them?"

She almost laughed at how weird it sounded to hear him asking why he was killing humans.

"They were human. Now they're just agents of evil."

As Angel mumbled something Spike turned to face him and then frowned as he felt Buffy's fingers slip from his chest. He narrowed his eyes as she moved towards the vampire and knelt beside him.

"What did you say?" Buffy knit her brows and watched Angel blink as he fought for consciousness.

"Spike…me…they wanted." He swallowed in an attempt to shift the dry lump in his throat. "Heard you telling them. Prophecy."

Buffy went to reach out to touch his shoulder but found she couldn't bring herself to do it. She felt Spike's signature growing distant.

Looking over her shoulder, her stomach twisted and flipped.

"You can't leave." Buffy whispered quietly and saw Spike stop, his back remaining to her. A cold chill swept through her as his shoulders tensed and she felt the emotionless void inside him.

"Prophecy…" Angel mumbled up at her. "Shanshu…you said we had to die…Buffy? Why, Buffy? Why?"

Buffy looked at Angel and furrowed her brows. He looked so weak, so child like as he stared at her with eyes full of hurt and confusion. "I don't know why. It wasn't me saying those things…"

She felt Spike moving again.

"Spike." She stood sharply and took a step towards him as he stopped in his tracks. "Don't."

Casting a look down at Angel, the conflict inside her knotted her stomach as he gave her a look that said he didn't understand.

Buffy turned her back to him and walked over to Spike, her hand running up his back to his right shoulder and settling there.

She closed her eyes and reached out to him. "_Spike?_"

He heaved a long sigh. "_Yeah, love?_"

"_What is it? Why are you doing this?_"

"_Doing what?_" He sounded cold and distant.

"_Leaving me._" She felt the tears well up in her eyes as she looked at his leather-coated back, desperately hoping he'd turn and hold her.

Protect her.

"_Because…_" He shook his head and clenched his fists. "_…I understand. We can reverse the claim if you want to._"

Her free hand flew to hold her stomach as it twisted up tighter, forcing a sob into her throat and causing a feeling of emptiness to engulf her.

"_You can't leave. I don't want to break this connection._"

Spike smiled slightly at the note of desperation in her voice.

"_I don't believe you mean that. This bond, it's just comfortable for you because you've grown used to it. It means nothing to you._" He wondered if he'd pushed her too far as her hand left his back and he sensed how hurt she was.

Buffy stared at his back for a few seconds before gaining the strength to do what she knew she had to in order to keep him with her. She had to submit and show him, and she would.

He just had to tell her how.

"_This claim means everything to me. Don't you understand? You can see it, can't you? Can see what it means to me, what it means to you. You'll know how I feel if you just look inside yourself. Because you feel it, too. I've seen it in you, in your eyes. Just tell me what I need to do to prove it to you._"

Spike turned to face her. "Say it out loud. Now."

Buffy wasn't surprised. In the time she'd spent looking at his back, she'd been preparing herself, building up the courage to say what she needed to say in order to keep him by her side.

"Spike…" She closed the gap between them and looked deep into his eyes. "You mean everything to me. This claim, this could only happen if what I say is true. No one has ever been this close to me, no one. I can't let you go, what we're up against now, what's to come…I can't do that without you by my side. I can't do anything without you there with me."

Spike watched her green eyes twinkling at him as she ran her fingers down the hollow of his cheek.

"I can't let you be alone, not now and not ever. This thing…the one that did all this…the one that wants you to be nothing more than dust…it won't stop until it succeeds. I can't let it take you away from me." She dropped her eyes to rest on his chest, feeling the cold and paralysing fear of losing him flood her veins. "…I can't lose you."

Spike pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her tightly and resting his cheek on top of her head as she trembled against him. He could feel the pain in every inch of her as her heart beat hard against his chest. The fear that was washing through her, echoed in him until it felt like it was his own.

Pressing a kiss to her hair, he felt her grip on him tighten, as though he was slipping away from her right now and it made her seem so innocent, so fragile.

"Buffy, love?" Spike looked down at her and gave her a reassuring smile as she raised her eyes up to meet his. He could see tears swimming in them, threatening to spill onto her cheeks if she moved too suddenly.

It reminded him of how she'd looked after her ordeal and when she'd been tending to him after he'd been beaten up.

But now there was something else in her eyes, too.

Something that spoke volumes to him about what they were up against and how badly she needed him in this fight.

"I won't leave you…never…I promise you." Spike saw a tiny flicker of relief in her green orbs. He cupped her cheek softly and smiled as she leant into his touchlike it was the most comforting thing he could've done for her.

He looked over at Angel and frowned as he remembered him muttering about a prophecy and something wanting them both dust.

Moving his eyes back to Buffy, he couldn't resist her as she peered up at him with such an innocent expression. Dipping his head, he brushed his lips against hers, feeling warmth spread through him as she kissed him back. He let his eyes roll closed as her kisses grew more fervent, her body leaning into his embrace and her feelings singing to him of love.

Breaking the kiss, he looked down at her with a questioning frown.

"So, _love_." He emphasised the word to her and watched her cheeks colour. "What are we up against?"

The smile faded from her face and was replaced by a grim look.

"The First Evil." She said quietly, as though pronouncing its name would bring it forward.

Spike pursed his lips and raised his brows. For a moment, he considered what he was going to say. Her look said it all really. 'The First Evil' wasn't a fancy name some two-bit demon had bestowed upon itself. It was something she feared, and if Buffy feared it then it meant it was bad. He cast a glance to where Angel was watching them. In his grandsire's eyes, he could see the same fear that had been in Buffy's.

Spike thought about how fighting alongside Buffy had felt, from planning the attack to the beautiful violence itself. The way she looked to him for guidance, the way she fought by his side, and the way she moved all stirred his blood. It had been exhilarating. Exciting. Thrilling.

If this fight had made him feel like that, then the fight against 'The First Evil' was something he didn't want to miss. He reasoned that it wasn't just the fight, he needed to protect his girl, and the only way to do that was to kill whatever tried to get near her.

He smirked and lit a cigarette, letting the smoke curl from his lips as he grinned at his mate.

"Sounds like fun." He saw her eyes widened and put his arm around her shoulders, leading her towards Angel where he was still sitting on the floor. "When do we begin?"

Buffy just looked up at him with disbelief in her eyes and then smiled as she realised that his reaction had just been so typical of him. Here they were, facing what was potentially the fight of their lives and he was treating it like it was just another scrap with a minion. She tiptoed and kissed his cheek, watching him grin as she did so.

Let hell throw everything it had at them.

Let it open up and try to swallow them.

So long as she had Spike by her side.

Nothing could stop her.

Not even Evil itself.

_The End _

_**Onto...Love in Vein - Book Two - The Body - This story will be posted at my site as it contains NC17 content.**_


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